Dear A-hole Who Stole My Identity, Thanks a lot! Yes, I’m being sarcastic. And I continue to be when I say that I hope you’ve enjoyed your shopping sprees at Sears, Kohls, BestBuy, Pier One, JC Penney, and whatever stupid big box store was next to issue you a line of credit in my name. I’m…
I was out on the street this morning, doing the daily 3-block walk I try to make myself do if it’s over 30 degrees out. Really 6 blocks, to Citarella, my 3-block landmark, and back. Sometimes I stop into Citarella even if I don’t need anything, because in the winter I need a reward…
It’s my dad’s 81st birthday. I’m sure he’ll get some Happy Birthday posts on his Facebook timeline. But if I told him to check his timeline, the conversation would go like this: DAD: “Lime line?” ME: ”Timeline.” DAD: “Rhyme line?” ME: “TIME line. Check your time line.” DAD: ”No need. I don’t have any…
I’m in love with our new apartment. I’m not allowed to post photos, because, Steven reminds me, it’s show-offy. I guess it’s show-offy to even reveal the reason he said not to. If I’d just said, “Steven won’t let me post pictures,” and left it at that, it could mean we live in a…
[NOTE: This is a copy of an email I sent to my list. If you're not on the list, you should subscribe at the bottom.] Hey there – I was just thinking about you. What I was thinking is, if you’re reading this (oh, you are) and you haven’t signed up for Marie Forleo’s B-School, then…
I’m writing this from the window of my new apartment. (Visual at end of postl.) We’re on the second floor, which doesn’t sound all that glamorous and does have its drawbacks – I’m talking to you, blinding street lamp at eye level – but it offers some preemo people watching. Douchebags shouting on cell phones, old people…
I love to eavesdrop. I wish I were better at it. My friend Victoria can not only pick out individual conversations in a noisy room; she can even stay fully engaged in a conversation while listening to the one at the next table. Totally one of the top 3 superpowers I’d pick, right after super-metabolism…
My parents don’t like to throw things out. Neither do I. Steven keeps saying, “apple, tree” whenever he sees evidence of a hereditary hoarding pattern. And since we’ve been living here for a month, he’s had many opportunities to say it. Here are some of the things my parents hold onto: A ziploc baggie…
1) Old-timey apostrophes are goofy. Like in the word “per’aps,” which, I’m ashamed to remember, I went through a phase of saying instead of “maybe” when I was 11. That and the sandals with socks might be why even my little sister stopped thinking I was cool. 2) The weather part sucks, especially when you’re…
