An overdue letter from camp

camp meeting circle

Here’s a picture of me and my sister on camp visiting day, around 1980. We’re sitting in the camp’s Quaker meeting circle. Don’t laugh at my sister’s shorts. Camel toe was very “in” back then. (Soon to enjoy a renaissance in Williamsburg, no doubt.) My cuffed jeans, you can laugh at. I’m thinking about camp…

When we’re angry, we say how we’re feeling.

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That’s my dad in the 1970s. He’d been an engineer for Eastern Airlines, with perks like free flights around the world in First Class. He gave it up to become a psychotherapist, with perks like hearing peoples’ feelings. Yes, to him, that was a perk. Dad loves feelings. When my sister and I were angry…

How a big hole can get you more attention.

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  The Diddler is back.  No, The Diddler is not a Batman villain.  It’s our nickname for the guy who plants himself outside our window a couple of times a day to have a smoke and jerk his fly up and down. Once or twice, I’m pretty sure he’s actually whipped out his thang and…

An Embarrassing Story About Marie Forleo

crunch pic

Back in 2003, there was this annoying chick who always stood in the front of my hip hop class at Crunch. To be clear, by “my hip hop class” I mean one that I went to every week, not one that I taught…or owned. And by “annoying chick” I mean she had an impossibly great…

Don’t wake me. (Or, why I got fired.)

My 1990s work wear.

If it’s 8am, I’m still sleeping. Go away. 9am? Still sleeping. Maybe even at 10. I’m not proud that I sleep so late, but I’m proud that I can. I’ve built a successful business that lets me be the Queen of Snooze that I am. (So can you. More on that down the page.) Fun…

Never been on the internet? Meet your friend.

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  Lately, I keep seeing commercials that show someone in front of a computer and say, in onscreen text graphics, “This is Alex. She’s never been on the internet.” If you haven’t seen these, you’ve probably already guessed the joke: “Alex” is a Kimodo dragon. Kidding. Alex is not a Kimodo dragon. Nor is she:…

13 Weird Food Behaviors of Fat-Prone People

Don’t look at me… This isn’t about me. I’m never weird about food.  I eat for fuel, period!  I definitely do not mark my calendar when I’m feeling fat so that I can check back next time I feel fat and see whether it has something to do with the time of the month. These…

They’re watching.

TEDDY CAM

I’m not normally paranoid. I don’t think everyone’s talking about me. I don’t think everyone’s out to get me, or to steal my identity — even though it turns out they actually are. But, in specific areas of my life, I do think someone’s watching me. There are two occasions where I’m certain I’m being…

A thank you note to the a-hole who stole my identity.

readyformore

Dear A-hole Who Stole My Identity, Thanks a lot! Yes, I’m being sarcastic. And I continue to be when I say that I hope you’ve enjoyed your shopping sprees at Sears, Kohls, BestBuy, Pier One, JC Penney, and whatever stupid big box store was next to issue you a line of credit in my name. I’m…

Am I letting myself go?

raccoon

  I was out on the street this morning, doing the daily 3-block walk I try to make myself do if it’s over 30 degrees out. Really 6 blocks, to Citarella, my 3-block landmark,  and back. Sometimes I stop into Citarella even if I don’t need anything, because in the winter I need a reward…

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