Me and my failed boycotts.

OK, I hate things that start “me and my ___”.  Like, “me and my crazy sense of humor.”  Just add that to the list of things I do that I say I won’t do — like walking into the store Variazioni. Read the rest of this entry »

We all have imaginary conversations in our heads, right?

I have them constantly. I replay conversations that have already happened and think of all the things I should have said. And I rehearse future conversations with friends or acquaintances that I think will be hard. Like, “Here’s why I can’t come to your birthday dinner,”  etc.

But most of all, I make up confrontations between myself and strangers. The kind of angry, chest-poking interactions I wouldn’t even think of having with anyone I’m going to see again.  Read the rest of this entry »

I’m boycotting the Food Emporium on my corner.

You can’t see the stains and rips on the paper tablecloth in the photo above, or the clearly spoiled egg salad sandwich that guy in the background snapped up for half off. (Or more!!!!!) But still, it pretty much captures the level of professionalism there. Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t see why everyone’s so worried about H1N1. Do you know what’s way much more contagious than swine flu? I’ll tell you what: cologne. Bad cologne. You can catch it from someone just by being in the same room. Or pizza shop.

You’d expect to come out of a pizza shop smelling like pizza, right?
Not so. Read the rest of this entry »

LOL!!

What’s so funny?  Oh, nothing.  I just typed that to fill an uncomfortable silence.
That’s what everyone else does. I mean, come on: how often is someone really laughing out loud, or even smiling, when they use LOL?

I’m not completely against LOL-ing.  I’m okay with it when it’s in reply to something funny.  Especially if it’s my funny.

What kills me is the way people insert it into everything they write.  It’s LOL Tourette’s. Read the rest of this entry »

At some point, someone powerful must have decided that any reference to relaxation,  wellness, spirituality or “Me Time” must be paired with one of two photos:

1. Some chick wearing white, sitting in the lotus position

2. Some chick lying down with a row of hot stones on her bare back

Really? Well-being equals yoga and massage?  How come no one checked with me? Read the rest of this entry »

Today I was sitting at my local coffee place, Joe, listening in on the next table. Because I do that.  This woman said to her friend, “You’re so lucky.  You have such perfect hair.” Perfect Hair Lady smiled in a guilty way, like she was feeling sorry for those with less fortunate hair.  She touched her bouncy curls and said, “I know.  I’m blessed.”

Now why couldn’t she have said, “It’s true.  I am lucky”?  Why did she switch from “lucky” to “blessed”?  This drives me nuts.   Read the rest of this entry »