When I was getting my coffee at the shop on the corner, I heard someone say, “I learned a lot in the last year.” She had a baby in a stroller who looked to be about a year old, so yeah, I bet she did learn a lot in the last year. Everyone says you…
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Confessions of a Closet Chip-Hoarder
When did I turn into a chip person? You know, someone who keeps chips in the house. I never used to do that. I’d eat chips at a party, but I wouldn’t go buy them at the store. They’re junk food, and go against my college-girl-on-a-diet training, which is: pretzels and rice cakes only. I…
Apple Memories
I’ve used Apple computers since 1982.* Before my family got one, my computer experience was limited to the one at school. It was at a desk in the center area, and we’d all wait for our turn to sit and use it. It had glowing green type on a dark greenish screen, and the…
Where were you that day?
For months after September 11th, strangers in New York talked to each other. If you were in a restaurant or a doctor’s waiting room or on the subway, you’d inevitably overhear someone talking about the attack. And you’d join in. You’d ask where they were that day, and tell them where you were. The people…
Eating Irene (a tale of panicked supermarket decisions and devastating caloric damage)
I just threw out half an apple cake. I should probably do the same with the unopened pretzel m&ms. Too late for the Baked Lays, the Salt and Vinegar Kettle Chips, and both pints of Haagen Dazs. Oh, there’s also the nub of a blondie from the Korean deli. I could toss that. I normally…
Sometimes the squeaky wheel looks like a dipshit.
My dad loves the expression “The squeaky wheel gets the oil.” He also loves demanding oil when he’s told there is no oil, or that the squeaky wheels aren’t allowed to have it. Which brings me to another favorite expression of his: “Would it be possible for you to make an exception?” The lesson I…
Luxury Crack Den Oasis! A guide to real-estate speak.
My husband and I are looking for a new apartment. No, that’s not ours in the pic above. But we could still use an upgrade. We want a real kitchen, a second bathroom, and a second bedroom for my office. (For some reason, Steven doesn’t love having my piles of papers and DVDs in the…
Patchy eyebrows, big buns, and middle age: Everything you didn’t need to know about my 20th college reunion
This past weekend was my 20-year college reunion. I know what you want to say to that: 1) “But you seem so young! You must have graduated when you were in diapers for that to be true.” Shucks. Thank you, you’re sweet. As a matter of fact, I did graduate in diapers, but I was…
Pass the pretzels. And by pretzels, I mean gorillas.
It’s a slow news week here at Talking Shrimp. Or, I should say, a slow think week. I never have much in the way of news, but I often have thoughts. This week, not many. I just realized why: It’s because I’m so busy rethinking my pretzel.
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(Comes with free house-breaking wee wee pad!)
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