I love when a holiday’s over!
That doesn’t mean I hate holidays, or hate turkey (I like it fine, especially the skin), or hate joy. I’m not a monster.
What drains me is when everyone’s doing and saying the same things. I guess that’s the nature of tradition. Though, oy, does social media make it worse. Shame on me for not just closing Facebook, but I’m an addict. I’m not in control of my impulses.
Here are 3 things I’ll be #grateful not to see for a while:
1) Awful photos of Thanksgiving food.
Turkey, stuffing, gravy, and other brown foodstuffs don’t photograph well. And ffs, the vegan substitutes are the worst. About as comely as The Enquirer’s “stars without makeup in the supermarket” pics. I really don’t want to see a spongey seitan slab or portobello mushroom “steak” covered in brown veggie sludge. I’ve learned from my sister’s 2-kid, Silverlake, Los Angeles household that you’re not supposed to “yuck” someone’s “yum,” so to this one I’ll just say, “bleh.”
You’ve heard of Vaguebooking, which is when your friend (that you’re tempted to unfollow) posts murky, coy remarks — like “Oy” or “So that happened” or “Le sigh” or “So excited!!!!” or “Officially had it with this” — that beg for comments like “What’s wrong? Sending hugs! ((( )))” or “Whatever it is, you’re so awesome!”
This weekend, I saw no fewer than 3 instances of Vaguesicking, which is Vaguebooking in the Emergency Room. It’s when people post photos of themselves on a gurney with an IV drip or oxygen mask and no explanation other than or “So this happened” or “How I spent date night” or “And how’s YOUR weekend LOL.” Or, no caption at all.
It’s one thing if you’ve been sick and we all know it and you’re keeping us up to date. I’m sending hugs. But if you’re randomly in the hospital, please don’t post and make us all ask, “What happened???” and “YOU OK???” No photo with medical tubes should go up online without some essential details.
3) Gratefulbragging (or, #Gratbrags)
“I’m grateful for this thing I’m actually just bragging about.”
We have to deal all year long with the #blessed brags about your abundant lifestyle and infinity pool. And then the holidays usher in this ratcheted-up, shameless #grateful boasting. The stupidest use, in my opinion, is when you say you’re grateful for something that’s more of a decision or achievement than any stroke of luck.
“So grateful that I don’t let my kids have screen time during dinner.”
“Feeling grateful that I don’t buy anything manufactured overseas.”
“Grateful that I’m a recognized expert in my field.”
If you’d just substitute hashtag #smug, I’d like you a lot more.
Of course, there’s no reason items 2 and 3 will go away now that we’re past Thanksgiving. (In fact, we’ll probably see an uptick. Vaguesicking gets worse with flu season.) But at least no more drab gravy porn for a while.
Oh hey, you know what I’m truly grateful for? You, reading this email all the way down to the bottom. Or at least skimming to here. I’m not picky. Thank you!
What will you be grateful NOT to see for a while?
Are you guilty of any of these? Go ahead, atone.
If you want, you can also #gratbrag. I’ll allow it, since we’ve established what we’re really up to.
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.