Has your internet been down?
Oh, I thought it might be because you didn’t say anything about my last blog post.
See what I did there? That was passive aggressive. It was my way of saying, “Did you read my last blog post? If you did, tell me you liked it. And if you haven’t read it, please do. And then tell me you liked it.”
Passive Aggressive is a very handy language. It allows you to get what you want, or express your feelings, without being disliked or rejected. Well, actually, you might be disliked or rejected because people are on to you and how annoying you are, so it doesn’t really work. But here are some other examples of how you can use it:
Want to say, “I don’t like you and never will”? That will never fly. Instead, try mispronouncing the person’s name again and again, no matter how many times they correct you. If it’s Goldstein, pronounced “gold-stine,” always pronounce it “gold-steen.” Or, even more effective: try calling them by the wrong name altogether, and turning them into an ape. Endora, Samantha’s mother on Bewitched, perfected this technique.
Want to say “I’m attracted to you and I’d like a date with you”? Don’t. What if they say “no”? Instead, try breaking into their house and pooping on their bed. It will send the person a mixed message, so they can’t accuse you of having the hots for them.
As you can see, passive aggressive comes in many flavors. To make it easy, I’ve broken them down into subcategories, along with examples.
Here’s my handy guide to 11 main styles of Passive Aggressive, along with essential phrases (translated into English).
So you can become more fluent, or understand someone else who is.
The perfect, passive-agressive prezzie!
This is a great, passive-aggressive gift for the passive-aggressively special someone in your life. Instead of saying, “You’re passive aggressive,” you can hand them this guide and say, “I paid TEN DOLLARS for this and printed it out for you because it was so funny and made me think of you! Some of these are right out of your mouth!”
Want to learn to speak Passive Aggressive? Want the only accurate Passive Aggressive guide in existence?
My pocket guide will give you the key passive-aggressive examples you need to get around in the non-confrontational universe. Download it now.
Or don’t, whatever you want to do, I’m fine with.
That was passive aggressive.