Talking Shrimp
copywriting. jumbo style.
I’m feeling very accomplished. I watched all of Transparent on Saturday. But I know that doesn’t count as an accomplishment. Reading a book in a day is impressive. Watching a season on Amazon Prime Instant Video is a binge. Why is that? Why is reading up here and TV watching down here? (This is a Kelly Bensimon-ism […]
KEEP READINGSmooth Jazz Guy was back in the gym yesterday. As a refresher, he’s the guy in my building who has his trainer turn on the deadly Smooth Jazz Channel on the TV, at top volume. Well, guess what – yesterday, I beat him! I was in the gym first, and had already turned on the TV to my […]
KEEP READINGI read a familiar story about Mariah Carey this week. It said she wanted to go on the Wendy Williams show, and her people requested/ insisted that Wendy give up her usual side of the set so Mariah could sit there and show the better side of her face. She’s been doing this for years. […]
KEEP READINGWhen my sister and I were kids, there were two places in our neighborhood to buy us shoes. One was Hary’s Florsheim, still there on 83rd and Broadway, twice the original size, and now just called Harry’s. (Visit them online!) There, the guy who fit kids for shoes had a crazy, Coney-Island-style, waxed, curled mustache. These […]
KEEP READINGWelcome to Yawn Country. Maybe it’s for the best, because I keep wanting to spend less time on Facebook, but my newsfeed gets so f&cking boring during the holidays. Not just the winter holidays, though those posts are especially snooze-making, what with all the “Did our tree!” posts. Something about the sight of holly and […]
KEEP READINGThis year, we’re doing Thanksgiving at my parents’ house. We used to do that every year without fail, and all the cousins would come to us. (We went elsewhere one year, and it was terrible because the stuffing was Stove Top. Unacceptable.) These days, people live in different places, have different people to see, and different […]
KEEP READING“What are you grateful for?” On Thanksgiving, families and friends go around the table and answer that question. At least, they do on TV. My family’s a little different. We usually skip that part and say something like “Next year in Jerusalem!” because the crowd is identical to the people at our Passover table, and […]
KEEP READINGHappy Monday! (I know, I know, you might be in a different hemisphere. To be inclusive, happy whatever day it is for you.) I woke up so late and groggy today. I’m still recovering from a party I went to on Saturday night. And, from the anticipation of the party. It started at 10. 10! That’s […]
KEEP READINGI have sleep problems. For a week straight, at least once a month, I’ll keep waking up at 2, try till around 3 to get back to sleep, then give up, eat cereal, browse Facebook to look at posts I already saw 4 hours ago — “Michael just checked in at The Spotted Pig” post, please […]
KEEP READINGWhoever said that was so right. Someone obvious, I’m forgetting. I don’t feel like looking it up, because I’d rather tell you about two little versions of hell I experience every day. I know “hell” is supposed to be capitalized, but that seems religious and weird to me. 1) Holding-the-elevator hell Our apartment is on the […]
KEEP READINGWhere do city kids hang out now? Since they’re all under strict parent and nanny supervision, I guess at home, or those Kumon homework help places, or maybe some franchised indoor bouncy castle center where they jump around while parents sit in a viewing skybox, critiquing their kids’ bounce form and sipping kale smoothies. They don’t have what […]
KEEP READINGReading the paper gives me the empty feeling. I think that’s pretty common, but most people I know get upset when they’re reading it because they come away feeling like the world’s going to shit. Or to hell in a hand basket. It’s always one of those two things. For them, it’s the beheadings, the fracking, the […]
KEEP READINGHere’s an easy trick for making someone feel like an asshole. When they hold the door open for you, don’t put your hand up to catch it. Instead, walk right into it with your arms dangling uselessly at your sides and then huff, “Thanks!” They’ll feel terrible for letting the door slam on you, and […]
KEEP READINGI wrote this post last night because today, I’m working with a team from 10-6. It’s for a project I’m really excited about (The Copy Cure, coming Spring 2015!) but I’m not excited about working 10-6. I get anxiety the night before. How will I get up early enough to have the morning I want, which […]
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