Talking Shrimp
copywriting. jumbo style.
Shiloh Jolie Pitt is stealing my look. It’s true. Normally, we average people latch on to celebrity styles. But this “celeb tot,” as the magazines call them, is clearly following mine. Shiloh is Brad and Angelina’s daughter, but, like I did at that age, she looks more like a son. Poor kid gets so much […]
KEEP READINGPeople say that money can’t buy you happiness. And Countess Luanne insists that money can’t buy you class. But they’re both wrong (and dumb) — because money can buy you Business Class.
KEEP READINGI am a sweater. Not the cozy, knit kind that you wear on chilly days. No, I mean I sweat. Majorly. I’m a schvitzer.
KEEP READINGIn hip hop class at Crunch the other day, I was rockin’ it out. I’d picked up the routine and was adding some sassy flair. I was “making it mine.” The teacher, Ray, noticed. She yelled, “Yeah, Laura! Work it, girl!” Then, on her way past me to adjust the stereo, she raised her hand […]
KEEP READINGIt’s Thursday, 10pm. I set myself up in my favorite position: cross-legged on the floor, with my back against the sofa and takeout in front of me on newspaper. It’s game time. The Real Housewives of New York Reunion show, Part I.
KEEP READINGWhen people clean out their closets, they’re always so exuberant about the results. “Got rid of soooo much stuff. What a great feeling!” I don’t have that experience.
KEEP READINGI have an Umbrella Center in my front hall closet. It sounds impressive, but it’s actually a tote bag suspended from a coat hanger. At any rate, it used to be full of umbrellas. Nice ones. Today, on my way out into the pouring rain, I reached into the Umbrella Center, and came up empty. […]
KEEP READING(*Subtitle inspired by Naomi Dunford. See comment at bottom.) Another Stuff ‘n’ Junk Report — where I pick any random item of mine, new or old, and tell you something about it. It’s inventory, with detailed back story. Like show and tell, but more tell than show. Today, an old item: Watermelon, cut into cubes. […]
KEEP READINGHey, I’m back. Why haven’t I posted in the last month? Well, I had a metric shit-ton of work. And allergies. They’re really bad this year, seriously – I want to scratch my eyes with a fork. And there was that ash cloud. OK, I can’t really blame the volcano in Iceland. Especially since I […]
KEEP READINGToday is my dad’s 78th birthday. Buying presents for him is always hard. Not because he’s “the man who has everything,” but because he’s “the man who wants nothing normal.”
KEEP READINGWe all have imaginary conversations in our heads, right? I have them constantly. I replay conversations that have already happened and think of all the things I should have said. And I rehearse future conversations with friends or acquaintances that I think will be hard. Like, “Here’s why I can’t come to your birthday dinner,” […]
KEEP READINGThere are only two ways this sign can be pronounced: “doe doe,” as in the dodo bird (at best), or “doo doo.” As in, doo doo.
KEEP READINGWhen there’s a blizzard, I like the idea that everyone is holing up in their homes. Because that’s what I want to do. But I don’t want to be the only shut-in, because then I feel like I’m missing out. It sucks when you’ve been huddling inside all day and then someone comes in looking […]
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