Talking Shrimp
copywriting. jumbo style.
You know what’s bullshit? When someone says, “I’d love to help you, but my hands are tied, I can’t.” I can’t take that charge off your bill. I don’t have the authority to change your flight. I can’t let you in, we’re at capacity. And you’re wearing ugly-ass shoes. I can’t bring you sushi, we only […]
KEEP READINGI thought I was going to be a natural on camera. Yeah, no. We did a test shoot for my on-camera segments of The Copy Cure, an online copywriting course that I’m creating with my friend Marie Forleo. This test shoot revealed two things. 1) It’s hard to read from a teleprompter and not sound like […]
KEEP READINGI have fake eyelash extensions, I often put off writing, and I used to be in a cult. 3 things I’ve mentioned here before, and today they all tie together. First, about the cult: I’ll give the usual qualifier, which is that it wasn’t a cult-cult, more of a weekly workshop attended by about 70 […]
KEEP READINGMy day today was going shitty. Nothing terrible happened, it was more of a low-grade shitty. 1) I woke up looking really puffy, especially around the jowl area. I say “jowl area” because it sounds less harsh and middle-aged than plain ol’ “jowls.” 2) I forgot to take the spoiled arugula with me when I went out for my […]
KEEP READINGThe woman waiting for her cappuccino was standing at the counter, facing squarely into the work station, yelling to the barista. “YEAH, NOW I’M RETHINKING IT, I’M RETHINKING THE WHOLE THING!” Her cappuccino? She wanted to switch to a latte? But her tone wasn’t the slightly higher, “excuse me” pitch you use when you ask […]
KEEP READINGBefore my parents made me go to therapy, Wednesdays were the most special day of the week. Not because of “hump day,” which is now the basis of the most annoying Geico ad ever (that one with the camels), but because it was a half day at my school. We got out for lunch, and our parents […]
KEEP READINGI’m home! Today’s the first day back after my trip to Costa Rica. Or, it was supposed to be. The night before my 7:15am flight, my friend (and ex-imaginary-arch-nemesis) Ash messaged me that a volcano had erupted and covered the San Jose airport in ash. (Really, what are the odds that my trip to visit Ash would […]
KEEP READINGI am so not spiritual. Inspirational sayings on a sunset background make me gag just like when I accidentally eat a hair in a salad. I hate yoga. #zzzzzzzzisitoveryet? But maybe I’d do it if there were no chanting and the teacher yelled instead of talking in that breathy voice. And if it were dancing instead […]
KEEP READINGThe non-refundable plane tickets are booked. I’m going to visit my arch enemy. OK, ex-arch-enemy. Because we’ve become friends. Well, really, ex-imaginary-arch-business-enemy. Because I made up the enemy part in my head. She never had any part in it. She’s a fellow copywriter/entrepreneur. People have often said to me, “You know who your writing reminds me of? […]
KEEP READINGWarning. STAY INSIDE! That’s what I like to hear in winter. “Going out of doors may cause frostbite, which leads to amputation.” Otherwise, I spend the weekend like I did this one, feeling like it’s too cold and snowy to leave the house but being proved wrong and lazy by people outside my window who […]
KEEP READINGI look like shit I look like shit I look like shit. That’s the thought that ruined my whole evening recently. And my steak. That day, I’d been part of a photo shoot for a friend who’s a stylist and needed to put outfits on real people (read: so. not. models.) for her blog. She had pros there to do my […]
KEEP READINGOn TV, people are always hanging up on each other. Sometimes it’s meant rudely. “You’ll see my smiling face in court.” CLICK. Sometimes it’s just a natural end to the conversation. “I gotta go.” CLICK. I’ve never been able to do this, either way. Even in a heated argument with a customer service representative, the […]
KEEP READINGI wasn’t feeling good yesterday. I got home from working with my friend Marie — after being unable to finish my chicken noodle soup, abusing Marie’s bathroom repeatedly and spraying the last of her “Crapper Trapper” (a Poo Pourri product with a military font to market to men but fine for ailing women), trudging the few blocks home with all my muscles […]
KEEP READINGThree things that confound me about women on TV: 1) They are always ready to bone. And that’s all it takes. I’m talking network TV, not cable or comedy. Those show some real, awkward fumbling stuff. But on a drama, even a decent one, there’s no “Wait, wait, not ready” (note to NPR – new game show?) […]
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