This weekend, I discovered from an influencer’s Instagram page that it was National Ice Cream Day. (Belated Happy National Ice Cream Day, if I forgot to wish you one.) She was showing how to make coconut milk ice cream, which is NOT ice cream and can wait till National Milk-Alternative Frozen Dessert Day, but anyway. […]
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The power of saying “whoopsie”.
Steven and I had a recent restaurant experience that really bugged me. Actually, it wasn’t all that recent – it was last spring – but it still bugs me.
KEEP READINGThe Curious Case Of The Cagey Waitress And Her Secret Steak
”Before we decide, I want to hear about the specials,” our friend JP said. He and his wife, Caroline, had been to this Brooklyn restaurant before and had wanted to come back, with us. Mostly because they liked it, but partly because JP felt ripped off that no one had mentioned any specials, and then he saw […]
KEEP READINGDon’t let this happen to your ideas.
I found two plastic bags of moldy muffin scraps in my tote this morning. They taught me an important lesson about creativity. (OK, that’s a major stretch, but why not make old bread products a teachable moment? Plus, let’s face it, everyone’s “lessons” on the internet are pushing it.) Here’s the backstory: I can’t snack these days. […]
KEEP READINGWithout free samples, I’m nobody (and 6 other truths I’ve discovered since getting a plastic mouth)
Do you think a lot about your mouth? If not, lucky you! Not thinking about your mouth is a luxury you need to start appreciating right now. Light a scented candle and write about it in your gratitude journal. I think about my mouth all day. Everywhere I go, there it is — stealing the […]
KEEP READING“Um, yes?” is the new “Go for it,” my father will not be stopped, and other lessons from a writing workshop in Italy
Oh hi. I’m a shitty example. Last month I was in Italy, teaching 30 people that there’s always something to write about. I even passed around a printed guide I wrote called The Art Of The Start (How To Start Writing Anything). I got everyone writing. I came back all jazzed to write about it. But I return from […]
KEEP READINGA business lesson from being dissed and then eating sand-covered ribs in practically a hurricane
That day at the Sunshine Shack, we’d done everything right. Our friends Dan and Jess* had scored us beach chairs early. Dan had put in our order as soon as the owner showed up to start basting his meat. And yet, after watching everyone on the beach but us get their delicious-smelling ribs, Dan went to check on our lunch […]
KEEP READINGMy feet are sore and my tongue is all weird.
PART ONE The feet thing might be my fault. I hoard a certain model of Nike sneaker. It came out a couple of years ago, and I should’ve bought a million pairs. I should’ve known they’d be discontinued, because every sneaker and bra I love gets discontinued. I wear both into the ground. Till the […]
KEEP READING13 Weird Food Behaviors of People Who Are Weird About Food
Don’t look at me… This isn’t about me. I’m never weird about food. I eat for fuel, period! I definitely do not mark my calendar when I’m feeling fat so that I can check back next time I feel fat and see whether it has something to do with the time of the month. These […]
KEEP READINGConfessions of a Closet Chip-Hoarder
When did I turn into a chip person? You know, someone who keeps chips in the house. I never used to do that. I’d eat chips at a party, but I wouldn’t go buy them at the store. They’re junk food, and go against my college-girl-on-a-diet training, which is: pretzels and rice cakes only. I […]
KEEP READINGHorsemeat is the new beef, and other notes from vacation
Just got back from a trip to Italy. By “just” I mean Monday, and it’s now Friday. I always regret telling people the actual day I’m coming back, rather than lying and giving myself a few extra days to pretend I’m not here. But I once had a boyfriend who did that, and he was […]
KEEP READINGYou look great. Have you gained chutzpah?
This is on the back of my Special K box. They want you to fill it in with your answer to “WHAT WILL YOU GAIN WHEN YOU LOSE [WEIGHT?]” Notice they give two little examples in the top right corner in case you can’t think of anything yourself. I like their suggestion of “chutzpah”. I […]
KEEP READINGWhat I want, and other notes for Santa
To Santa: Do you know that this past Saturday, there were several thousand douchebags dressed like you, wandering around New York in drunken packs, blocking the sidewalks and puking in the street? They must have learned this from you. You need to be a better role model.
KEEP READINGPass the pretzels. And by pretzels, I mean gorillas.
It’s a slow news week here at Talking Shrimp. Or, I should say, a slow think week. I never have much in the way of news, but I often have thoughts. This week, not many. I just realized why: It’s because I’m so busy rethinking my pretzel.
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