It’s my dad’s 81st birthday. I’m sure he’ll get some Happy Birthday posts on his Facebook timeline. But if I told him to check his timeline, the conversation would go like this: DAD: “Lime line?” ME: “Timeline.” DAD: “Rhyme line?” ME: “TIME line. Check your time line.” DAD: “No need. I don’t have any […]
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Top 13 overheard remarks from an insufferable woman eating near me at the bar
I love to eavesdrop. I wish I were better at it. My friend Victoria can not only pick out individual conversations in a noisy room; she can even stay fully engaged in a conversation while listening to the one at the next table. Super-overhearing is one of the top 3 superpowers I’d pick, right after […]
KEEP READINGConfessions of a Closet Chip-Hoarder
When did I turn into a chip person? You know, someone who keeps chips in the house. I never used to do that. I’d eat chips at a party, but I wouldn’t go buy them at the store. They’re junk food, and go against my college-girl-on-a-diet training, which is: pretzels and rice cakes only. I […]
KEEP READINGLuxury Crack Den Oasis! A guide to real-estate speak.
My husband and I are looking for a new apartment. No, that’s not ours in the pic above. But we could still use an upgrade. We want a real kitchen, a second bathroom, and a second bedroom for my office. (For some reason, Steven doesn’t love having my piles of papers and DVDs in the […]
KEEP READINGImmortal words on Sandy Duncan, Florida, and big cocks.
With Sandy Duncan’s name all over the news this week, I couldn’t help but think of — and miss — my husband’s mom, who was a big fan. OK, minor correction: Sandy Duncan wasn’t exactly all over the news. I happened to see her name in one lone New York Times article about Wheat Thins, […]
KEEP READINGThe top five things that happen when you’re old
Are you freaked out about getting old? I used to be. I formed my notions about aging by observing my grandparents.
KEEP READINGHappiness is a cup of hot nuts.
People say that money can’t buy you happiness. And Countess Luanne insists that money can’t buy you class. But they’re both wrong (and dumb) — because money can buy you Business Class.
KEEP READINGGifts for the dad who feels everything
Today is my dad’s 78th birthday. Buying presents for him is always hard. Not because he’s “the man who has everything,” but because he’s “the man who wants nothing normal.”
KEEP READINGJust making conversation.
We all have imaginary conversations in our heads, right? I have them constantly. I replay conversations that have already happened and think of all the things I should have said. And I rehearse future conversations with friends or acquaintances that I think will be hard. Like, “Here’s why I can’t come to your birthday dinner,” […]
KEEP READINGA life with no regrets. (Except these.)
In the past couple of years I’ve been into some self-help-y, self-discovery-ish stuff called “Transformation.” If you know me, you wouldn’t think it was very me. I’m not a rainbows-and-butterflies-and-group-hugs type. But I’m attracted to the practical side of it: all about living in the moment, how what you resist pers– never mind, I’m getting […]
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