Know what I need to do? Apparently, everything. Every time I open up 750words.com, which I use as my journal, I see that I accidentally skipped a few days. I broke my streak. And I invariably start with, “I need to write more.” And then, as I continue typing, the “I need to”s multiply like Gremlins when they get […]
KEEP READINGlife and stuff
The Cab Driver Who Convinced Me to Have Kids
No, a cab driver didn’t really convince me to have kids. But he sure did try. As soon as I got in, I knew he was was going to be one of “those” drivers. You know: the talkative kind. My first clue was that he asked, “How was your day?” instead of asking where I […]
KEEP READINGI deserve to be lazy. But so what.
I’ve been very deserve-y since I got back from Europe. (Sorry for that sentence. “Since I got back from Europe” is a heinous thing to say. Makes me think of my first day at my private all-girls school in 9th grade. During lunch, one of the fanciest girls in the class — her last name was one […]
KEEP READINGThe antidote to FOMO
FOMO (fear of missing out) is probably my #1 motivator and most nagging neurosis. I’ll say yes to things I’m not that interested in just because I can’t handle the possibility of people I like having fun without me. What’s that? My favorite friends will all be standing nude in a snowstorm, listening to live death […]
KEEP READINGWho would you be if money didn’t matter?
Today, an ad in my Facebook feed asks, WHO WOULD YOU BE IF MONEY DIDN’T MATTER? And then it says, FREE Video Series Will Help You Discover Your Personal Path to Financial Liberation! The image below is a woman — the actual person who’s going to teach you this path — in a thin, 1970s style halter top cut down to […]
KEEP READINGCurious vs nosy: what’s the diff?
In 6th grade, I was climbing the stairwell at school and heard D’Aisy* a half flight up, talking loudly to her BFF Giselle*. D’Aisy said, “I’m not inviting her.” Giselle said, “Good, she bugs me so much.” Interesting. I started jogging up the steps to catch up. “Who’s this about?” I asked them. “Who bugs you?” […]
KEEP READINGA Disappointment Matrix, manifesting, The Apprentice, cookies, and dirty socks
What can I tell you? The world turned upside down this week. Someone said, “I can’t wait to see the Talking Shrimp post about all this!” But there’s too much to say about it, and nothing feels adequate. And: when is it appropriate to write something that’s not about “all this”? Maybe now’s OK. Today, […]
KEEP READINGWithout free samples, I’m nobody (and 6 other truths I’ve discovered since getting a plastic mouth)
Do you think a lot about your mouth? If not, lucky you! Not thinking about your mouth is a luxury you need to start appreciating right now. Light a scented candle and write about it in your gratitude journal. I think about my mouth all day. Everywhere I go, there it is — stealing the […]
KEEP READINGWhy I lie to my calendar (or, what really happens outside your comfort zone)
“I didn’t know you were back.” My mom is always a little hurt when she finds out I’ve been back a few days from a trip and haven’t told her. But back isn’t really “back.” Sometimes there’s jet lag. Sometimes there’s a post-vacation “I don’t want to deal with the reality that my life can’t […]
KEEP READINGA severe case of “don’t wanna do sh*t”
Last week, I treated myself to some heavy-duty, delightfully effective Tylenol Cold and Flu. Man, do I love Western medicine! Praise Duane Reade. Blessed be CVS. My one complaint is the damn packaging that breaks off your fingernails. “Peel from this corner” is the biggest tease of all time. Why don’t they let us go through all […]
KEEP READINGI never change. But who does?
The barista at my corner coffee shop hesitated when he saw me today. He had the large plastic cup in his hand, but before filling it with my usual order (all the way to the top with ice, then cold-brew coffee with about an inch of room for milk, please, and charge me for a medium […]
KEEP READINGMeditation hasn’t kept me from picking my face, and other mixed results
Excuse me while I gag on this sentence: I’ve been meditating. I did it today. I did it yesterday. I’ve done it most workdays for the last two months. I wasn’t going to. Everyone does it now, and everyone says to do it, but I have an overactive filter for new-age-garbage-sounding anything. I dismiss it whether […]
KEEP READINGThe 20 Stages of Public Speaking
I stood on the high diving board, looking down. Nope, nope, nope. I was 10 years old, at the pool at Twin Lakes Tennis & Swim Club. That’s where my family went on hot days from our weekend house in Stamford, Ct. The usual suburban club: Moms with deeply freckled chests. Tennis whites. Cheeseburgers, defrosted crinkle-cut fries, ketchup […]
KEEP READINGStranger Danger for grownups: when parties are scary
Steven, my husband, has party anxiety. I should say, pre-party anxiety, because he’s always fine once he gets to the party. Like the one last night. The minute we got there, I looked at him like, “See? Aren’t you glad we came?” And he looked back at me like, “OK, this ain’t so bad,” because we’d […]
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