copywriting. jumbo style.
I don’t want to get too heavy on you, so I’ll jump in at “ballsack.” I was in the middle of my dad’s eulogy, talking about a wackadoo who used to call his business number. Dad was a shrink, and because he advertised in the Yellow Pages under every possible heading (Anger Management, Jewish Psychoanalysis,… keep reading…
I had a housemate in college who’d leave messages on my answering machine like this: BEEEP! “Hey, just checking in, I was just wondering what you were planning to do with the spaghetti pot and some of the other stuff you left out on the counter. I’d clean them myself, it’s no big deal, but with… keep reading…
There’s this twitter user you’ve probably heard of called “Shit My Dad Says.” He’s been on the scene since early Twitter. He tweets shit his dad says, and his feed was turned into a 2010 network tv show starring William Shatner. Except, of course, it wasn’t called “Shit My Dad Says.” It was written “$#*!… keep reading…
It’s my birthday! I was supposed to arrive on October 25th. My mom took a chance and went to a Bar Mitzvah on the due date. There’s a picture of her in the parking lot of a synagogue, dressed up for temple and hugely pregnant. She stayed that way (the pregnant part) for another 5… keep reading…
You know what the phrase “gimme a break” does to me? It creates total chaos on my head, which starts playing two tunes at once. One is the awful Kit Kat jingle — even more awful when they do the instrumental version made up of the sounds of breaking Kit Kats. How did a candy brand manage to… keep reading…
My birthday’s coming! No presents, please. But if you must, I like anything from P.S. I Love You. Oh, sorry, scratch that. The store, which was near our house on the Upper West Side, no longer exists, and I’m no longer 12. But if this were 1981… You could buy me anything from P.S. I Love You and… keep reading…
Through 8th grade, I went to a “progressive” school on the Upper West Side. People called it “the TV School” because it looked like a TV, though now that they expanded the building upwards, it looks like a TV with a VCR, TiVo and cable box all stacked dumbly on top of it. Everyone knows you’re… keep reading…
This weekend is Yom Kippur, the holiest and highest of high, holy holidays for a good Jew. I’m a bad Jew, so I pretty much ignore it. Though many times I’ve used it as a diet kickstart, because you’re supposed to fast all day. We were never good at that as a family. My parents would… keep reading…
So, today’s post was going to be about an airline toilet. And then I saw Facebook and remembered what day it was, and so, yeah. I hope you don’t think it’s cheating that I’m reposting this instead. I thought it would be cool to post it with a fresh, clean comments field for new ones…. keep reading…
1) Old-timey apostrophes are goofy. Like in the word “per’aps,” which, I’m ashamed to remember, I went through a phase of saying instead of “maybe” when I was 11. That and the sandals with socks might be why even my little sister stopped thinking I was cool. 2) The weather part sucks, especially when you’re… keep reading…
