I don’t want to get too heavy on you, so I’ll jump in at “ballsack.”
KEEP READINGmemories
How to follow up without being a nagging, passive-aggressive psycho
I had a housemate in college who’d leave messages on my answering machine like this: BEEEP! “Hey, just checking in, I was just wondering what you were planning to do with the spaghetti pot and some of the other stuff you left out on the counter. I’d clean them myself, it’s no big deal, but with […]
KEEP READINGShit. I said a bad word.
There’s this twitter user you’ve probably heard of called “Shit My Dad Says.” He’s been on the scene since early Twitter. He tweets shit his dad says, and his feed was turned into a 2010 network tv show starring William Shatner. Except, of course, it wasn’t called “Shit My Dad Says.” It was written “$#*! […]
KEEP READINGThis one’s for the late bloomers.
It’s my birthday! [Update: It was. When I wrote this. If you’re reading this on October 30th, it is again!] I was supposed to arrive on October 25th. My mom took a chance and went to a Bar Mitzvah on the due date. There’s a picture of her in the parking lot of a synagogue, […]
KEEP READINGGimme a break
You know what the phrase “gimme a break” does to me? It creates total chaos on my head, which starts playing two tunes at once. One is the awful Kit Kat jingle — even more awful when they do the instrumental version made up of the sounds of breaking Kit Kats. How did a candy brand manage to […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: P.S. I Loved This Store
My birthday’s coming! No presents, please. But if you must, I like anything from P.S. I Love You. Oh, sorry, scratch that. The store, which was near our house on the Upper West Side, no longer exists, and I’m no longer 12. But if this were 1981… You could buy me anything from P.S. I Love You and […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Boners In The News
Through 8th grade, I went to a “progressive” school on the Upper West Side. People called it “the TV School” because it looked like a TV, though now that they expanded the building upwards, it looks like a TV with a VCR, TiVo and cable box all stacked dumbly on top of it. Everyone knows you’re […]
KEEP READINGThe Boy Who Ate My Challah
This weekend is Yom Kippur, the holiest and highest of high, holy holidays for a good Jew. I’m a bad Jew, so I pretty much ignore it. Though many times I’ve used it as a diet kickstart, because you’re supposed to fast all day. We were never good at that as a family. My parents would […]
KEEP READINGWhere were you that day? (An encore post)
[UPDATE: I keep updating this post because every time I look back at it, the intro has already become dated. I don’t have kids, but I can say of the world: it grows up so fast! Or regresses. Either way, it changes. And some of my readers weren’t even born when this all happened. (My […]
KEEP READING3 very valid reasons to hate nor’easters
1) Old-timey apostrophes are goofy. Like in the word “per’aps,” which, I’m ashamed to remember, I went through a phase of saying instead of “maybe” when I was 11. That and the sandals with socks might be why even my little sister stopped thinking I was cool. 2) The weather part sucks, especially when you’re […]
KEEP READINGButch baby
Shiloh Jolie Pitt is stealing my look. It’s true. Normally, we average people latch on to celebrity styles. But this “celeb tot,” as the magazines call them, is clearly following mine. Shiloh is Brad and Angelina’s daughter, but, like I did at that age, she looks more like a son. Poor kid gets so much […]
KEEP READINGGifts for the dad who feels everything
Today is my dad’s 78th birthday. Buying presents for him is always hard. Not because he’s “the man who has everything,” but because he’s “the man who wants nothing normal.”
KEEP READINGFree trip to Europe!*
(*Via sensory memory only. Certain terms and conditions may apply.) In Europe, they like to pick one song and play it over and over and over. That song, and only that song.
KEEP READINGKid, you’ve got it easy.
40 doesn’t feel old to me like I always thought it would. Except for a few things: This year’s bumper crop of gray hairs. The cracking joints – occurring during any and all movements, where they used to be limited to things like deep squats. I sound like bubble wrap. My husband calls me “Creaks.” […]
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