I don’t want to get too heavy on you, so I’ll jump in at “ballsack.”
KEEP READINGNew York City
Business lessons from the guy who tried to scam me twice
On my way home from dance last week, at the crosswalk on 5th Ave and 9th Street, I noticed a guy walking slowly in front of me. He was weaving a little as people do when they’re texting, except he was looking down at a piece of paper and then back up at the street […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Kids, have you seen my rubbers?
“HAS ANYONE SEEN MY RUBBERS?” My dad used to yell that through the house. I think about it on slushy New York days. By “rubbers,” he meant his black rubber overshoe boots by Totes. Instead of changing from one pair to another, you just slipped these on over your good wingtips. Or, in my dad’s case, Hush […]
KEEP READINGThe Sample Whore gets burned
You know I’m a self-loathing sample whore. I wrote a whole post about it here. I become extra self-loathing when my sample whoring backfires on me. Like at the farmer’s market, when the jam turns out to be garlic chutney. Or when I pop a piece of cut-up nectarine in my mouth, and either it’s rotten or, just as […]
KEEP READINGThis is what those flags are about.
Growing up Jewish in New York, the capitol of bagels and lox, I was never “the Jewish one.” My experience of antisemitism or even ignorance in that category was limited to a couple of moments: – One time was on a 10th-grade trip to Washington, DC. Above the hotel room that 3 of my friends […]
KEEP READINGOverheard: 7 disappointing friends, 2 stolen bathing suits, and breathtaking incompetence
The other day, I struck eavesdropping gold. I was in O Cafe, my spot on the corner where I’ve been trying to go once a day to spend some time working (gasp) outside the house. I usually stay for about an hour, which is how long you get free internet there. I like the change […]
KEEP READINGThe Curious Case Of The Cagey Waitress And Her Secret Steak
”Before we decide, I want to hear about the specials,” our friend JP said. He and his wife, Caroline, had been to this Brooklyn restaurant before and had wanted to come back, with us. Mostly because they liked it, but partly because JP felt ripped off that no one had mentioned any specials, and then he saw […]
KEEP READINGPath To Success: How To Spend Your First Summer After College (In NYC in 1991)
Below is a transcript of the inspiring speech I will give to a graduating university class, if ever invited. In it, I lay out a step-by-step blueprint to early success based on my own first summer after college, a time that helped shape me into the adult I am today. (Note: most of it requires […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: That thing that might’ve almost happened to me on the way to piano
The real story is the one I never used. I always made some shit up when I wanted to skip an after-school commitment. “I didn’t make it all the way to Hebrew School because a drug dealer came up to me and offered me pot on 83rd Street. What, why are you mad, I thought you’d […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: I Worked In A Fecal Punk Rock Bar (Or, How To Avoid Having A Business That’s Not Your Scene)
25 years ago, a fucking quarter century, I was working in a bar downtown. East Village. I didn’t even know where I was, except how to get there from the subway. On my way, I walked past the Palladium and a bunch of junkies. It was winter, so I wore my black wool coat there. […]
KEEP READINGDon’t throw that out! (1980s buttons and more from Casa Mom ‘n’ Dad)
My parents don’t like to throw things out. Neither do I. Steven keeps saying, “apple, tree” whenever he sees evidence of a hereditary hoarding pattern. And since we’ve been living here for a month, he’s had many opportunities to say it. Here are some of the things my parents hold onto: A ziploc baggie of […]
KEEP READINGDon’t let this happen to your ideas.
I found two plastic bags of moldy muffin scraps in my tote this morning. They taught me an important lesson about creativity. (OK, that’s a major stretch, but why not make old bread products a teachable moment? Plus, let’s face it, everyone’s “lessons” on the internet are pushing it.) Here’s the backstory: I can’t snack these days. […]
KEEP READINGGotta be on time for yelling in public.
Yesterday was a good day for people yelling in public. I don’t mean they were having a good day. Judging from the yelling, two out of three were not. But it was a good day for spotting them. There was the lady, trim, groomed, late 50s, designer bag, skinny jeans — the picture of a middle-aged, upper middle […]
KEEP READINGStranger Danger for grownups: when parties are scary
Steven, my husband, has party anxiety. I should say, pre-party anxiety, because he’s always fine once he gets to the party. Like the one last night. The minute we got there, I looked at him like, “See? Aren’t you glad we came?” And he looked back at me like, “OK, this ain’t so bad,” because we’d […]
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