copywriting. jumbo style.
I’m feeling very accomplished. I watched all of Transparent on Saturday. But I know that doesn’t count as an accomplishment. Reading a book in a day is impressive. Watching a season on Amazon Prime Instant Video is a binge. Why is that? Why is reading up here and TV watching down here? (This is a Kelly Bensimon-ism… keep reading…
Smooth Jazz Guy was back in the gym yesterday. As a refresher, he’s the guy in my building who has his trainer turn on the deadly Smooth Jazz Channel on the TV, at top volume. Well, guess what – yesterday, I beat him! I was in the gym first, and had already turned on the TV to my… keep reading…
Whoever said that was so right. Someone obvious, I’m forgetting. I don’t feel like looking it up, because I’d rather tell you about two little versions of hell I experience every day. I know “hell” is supposed to be capitalized, but that seems religious and weird to me. 1) Holding-the-elevator hell Our apartment is on the… keep reading…
Here’s an easy trick for making someone feel like an asshole. When they hold the door open for you, don’t put your hand up to catch it. Instead, walk right into it with your arms dangling uselessly at your sides and then huff, “Thanks!” They’ll feel terrible for letting the door slam on you, and… keep reading…
Seriously: What is wrong with a person who gets not one, but two juror qualification surveys she could just fill out ONLINE – no messy pen and paper required, no folding of paper and putting into unreasonably dreaded envelope, simply type name and age and check “no, not a felon” and click send, that’s all she had to… keep reading…
Ready for my big grammar pet peeve? Oh. I know, from the title, you thought this was going to be a self-pity piece about what a friendless loser I am. Don’t worry (especially you, Mom) — people like me. I know this because I say it in front of the mirror every morning. Technically, I should’ve called the… keep reading…
1) People who say “I have a larger than life personality” just have larger assholes. Gaping ones. 2) People who say “I don’t need the negativity in my life” and “I just want to surround myself with positive people” don’t know or like any positive people. The closest thing they have is a cheap “healing” candle that… keep reading…
If you’re texting or reading from your phone while you walk, it’s on you. You bump into someone? It’s on you. A turning car almost hits you? It’s on you. I’ve thought about this. I’ve planned accidents in my head with approaching people who are looking down at their phones. If that chick doesn’t swerve around me,… keep reading…
Like anyone with an online business, I’m subscribed to a lot of other business owners’ email newsletters. The way it works is, everyone has an “opt-in.” I have one, too. (The Non-Sucky Copy Tips.) You offer something for free — 10 Biggest Mistakes [Smart Moms/ Single Dudes/ Middle-Aged Fashion Models/ Figure Skaters] Make And How To Avoid… keep reading…
