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Talking Shrimp

Talking Shrimp

copywriting. jumbo style.

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rants

What’s Wrong With This Person?

17 Comments

Seriously: What is wrong with a person who gets not one, but two juror qualification surveys she could just fill out ONLINE – no messy pen and paper required, no folding of paper and putting into unreasonably dreaded envelope, simply type name and age and check “no, not a felon” and click send, that’s all she had to […]

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random personal, rants

Nobody Likes Me

99 Comments

Ready for my big grammar pet peeve? Oh. I know, from the title, you thought this was going to be a self-pity piece about what a friendless loser I am. Don’t worry (especially you, Mom) — people like me. I know this because I say it in front of the mirror every morning. Technically, I should’ve called the […]

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language, rants

7 Kinds Of People You Meet In Crazy-Town

48 Comments

1) People who say “I have a larger than life personality” just have larger assholes.  Gaping ones. 2) People who say “I don’t need the negativity in my life” and “I just want to surround myself with positive people” don’t know or like any positive people. The closest thing they have is a cheap “healing” candle that […]

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rants

Walking and texting: Rules of the Sidewalk (Or, In Which I Am Tripped By A Bum)

21 Comments

If you’re texting or reading from your phone while you walk, it’s on you. You bump into someone? It’s on you. A turning car almost hits you? It’s on you. I’ve thought about this. I’ve planned accidents in my head with approaching people who are looking down at their phones. If that chick doesn’t swerve around me, […]

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rants

It’s Vomit Season

29 Comments

Like anyone with an online business, I’m subscribed to a lot of other business owners’ email newsletters. The way it works is, everyone has an “opt-in.” I have one, too. (The Non-Sucky Copy Tips.)  You offer something for free — 10 Biggest Mistakes [Smart Moms/ Single Dudes/ Middle-Aged Fashion Models/ Figure Skaters] Make And How To Avoid […]

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