I had a housemate in college who’d leave messages on my answering machine like this: BEEEP! “Hey, just checking in, I was just wondering what you were planning to do with the spaghetti pot and some of the other stuff you left out on the counter. I’d clean them myself, it’s no big deal, but with […]
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Ugly turkey, gratefulbragging and vaguesicking: 3 things I can do without seeing for a while.
I love when a holiday’s over! That doesn’t mean I hate holidays, or hate turkey (I like it fine, especially the skin), or hate joy. I’m not a monster. What drains me is when everyone’s doing and saying the same things. I guess that’s the nature of tradition. Though, oy, does social media make it worse. Shame on me for not […]
KEEP READINGYou have official permission not to do that f#cking 7-day challenge.
In third grade, I loaned a quarter to Serena, the richest girl in my class. She wanted it for a packet of Munchos from the vending machine. When I say rich, I mean, rich. Serena’s family had, and has, their last name on the most famous buildings in the world. Buildings with observation decks, where people get engaged or try crazy climbing stunts or realize their […]
KEEP READINGHate, Love, “Keep As New” Hell: The 3 Kinds Of Emails In My Inbox
Emails I hate: – Client emails asking for revisions, especially when those revisions are ones they could’ve done themselves in less time than it took to ask for them (“Can you please change the word ‘digital’ to ‘online’ and capitalize the network name at the top of the script? Also, I believe there is a […]
KEEP READINGHappy Birthday to me! Wait, what?
Today, even though I’m trying not to wake up and look at email, I woke up to this lovely email. So sweet, but unnecessary. And, if my mom had been cc’d, she would have sent an immediate retraction. Because guess what? IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY. My dad’s 82. Normally, my first thought would be to call my parents and […]
KEEP READINGHow to use facebook like my 81-year-old dad
It’s my dad’s 81st birthday. I’m sure he’ll get some Happy Birthday posts on his Facebook timeline. But if I told him to check his timeline, the conversation would go like this: DAD: “Lime line?” ME: “Timeline.” DAD: “Rhyme line?” ME: “TIME line. Check your time line.” DAD: “No need. I don’t have any […]
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