I’m probably the last person to discover this DIY movie website, but I just came across it today and had to try it. Made this movie in 10 minutes, but I hope it will make an impact on millions of lives. My next movie will have better camera moves. UPDATE: Just changed the title of […]
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I suck at mind control.
I decided I don’t have enough charm. Relax, I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m aware that people like me. But you know those types who can talk people into things they’re not supposed to do?
KEEP READINGMusicals are bullshit. (Except when they really happen.)
I have a not-so-original objection to musicals, which is that it’s hard to buy the idea of ordinary people bursting into spontaneous song. Or, spontaneous with the help of an awkward segue. It’s always something like, “Hmm…how shall I put this? Let me try to explain…” (CUE MUSIC).
KEEP READINGWhen high fives turn deadly.
In hip hop class at Crunch the other day, I was rockin’ it out. I’d picked up the routine and was adding some sassy flair. I was “making it mine.” The teacher, Ray, noticed. She yelled, “Yeah, Laura! Work it, girl!” Then, on her way past me to adjust the stereo, she raised her hand […]
KEEP READINGThe fat jeans stay: tales of a closet case
When people clean out their closets, they’re always so exuberant about the results. “Got rid of soooo much stuff. What a great feeling!” I don’t have that experience.
KEEP READINGHide your dancing penis umbrella.
I have an Umbrella Center in my front hall closet. It sounds impressive, but it’s actually a tote bag suspended from a coat hanger. At any rate, it used to be full of umbrellas. Nice ones. Today, on my way out into the pouring rain, I reached into the Umbrella Center, and came up empty. […]
KEEP READINGWhy Google Buzz is like a damn blizzard.
When there’s a blizzard, I like the idea that everyone is holing up in their homes. Because that’s what I want to do. But I don’t want to be the only shut-in, because then I feel like I’m missing out. It sucks when you’ve been huddling inside all day and then someone comes in looking […]
KEEP READINGDon’t knock what the office supplies.
“Escape Cubicle Nation!” “Quit your oppressive job and start doing what you love!” “Screw The Man and find your passion!” “Make a 6-figure income, in your dirty pajamas!” If you’re in the Twitter or blogging community, you can’t miss these messages. Though you don’t have to be on Twitter or have a blog or even […]
KEEP READINGAn eye-opening read (which I only bought for the plane).
Everyone knows, when you’re at the airport, you’re allowed to buy any trashy book you want. Because it’s “for the plane.” I always have a book in my bag that I brought from home. The one I’ve been meaning to read. But once I get to the airport I admit to myself that that book […]
KEEP READINGLittle help?
First things first: the baby above is NOT related to me. I don’t want anyone thinking it’s my new nephew, Samson, who’s way cuter. Apologies to parents of Superbaby. Now that that’s out of the way… The NY Times has an article in this week’s Science section claiming that humans are born helpful. The proof? […]
KEEP READINGI’m polarizing, dang it.
Sarah Palin is printing money with that stupid book of hers. Know why? Because she’s “polarizing.” Polarizing = $$$$. So I’ve decided to become a polarizing figure, too.
KEEP READINGSADly mistaken
A quick shoutout today to my friend Miranda Levenstein, whose latest blog post offers a cake recipe as remedy for Seasonal Affective Disorder. If I baked, I’d give it a whirl. It has to work better than the special SAD lamp I bought two years ago.
KEEP READINGLittle Dope Fiend On The Prairie
Do they still make Very Special Episodes and After School Specials? I hope so. They were the cornerstone of my education in Things Not To Do, like drugs, drinking, drinking and driving, bingeing and puking, killing yourself, and getting molested by the nice man who owns the bicycle shop. (Poor Dudley.*) Those TV shows served […]
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