When I was 6 and my sister was 3, she copied everything I did. I’m being specific about our ages because when I was 15 and Marian was 12, she was way cooler than I was, and had no desire to copy. She had make-out parties on the loft in my room with her enviously co-ed gang […]
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Wayback Wednesday: fake pets, pantyhose, and a pervert
Was the Woolworth’s from my childhood, on 79th and Broadway, special? Probably not. I bet the residents of the Upper West Side kvetched about it when it moved in in 1957, and said “FAN-tastic. Another Woolworth’s,” in the same way we all do now about another CVS or Bank of America. But I have a soft […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: You’re Tan Or You’re Nobody
I got back from vacation in Tulum, Mexico, and a friend accused me of wanting to have dinner this week just so I could show off my tan. Ha! Shows how much he knows. I haven’t been tan in 20 25 years. [Updated for 2019] First of all, all my melanin has shut down. You don’t […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: My dad, the ski lodge pimp
One time, on a ski vacation, my dad tried to pimp me. Maybe that’s misleading. He was trying to find me “teens my age.” That was always his thing. Not always teens, but always kids my age. My dad loves meeting people more than the average person loves meeting people. And from his days selling both Catholic […]
KEEP READINGI used to be an idiot, and other notes from Miami
I went to Miami last week for a few days to hang out with one of my best friends from high school. GIRL TRIP! Here are my notes. 1) I could live in Miami. I want to live in a room at The Standard or some other hotel that offers both the Times and the […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Mustache VS Nutsack
When my sister and I were kids, there were two places in our neighborhood to buy us shoes. One was Hary’s Florsheim, still there on 83rd and Broadway, twice the original size, and now just called Harry’s. (Visit them online!) There, the guy who fit kids for shoes had a crazy, Coney-Island-style, waxed, curled mustache. These […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Stalking, Butt Fuzz, and Pie Wars
This year, we’re doing Thanksgiving at my parents’ house. We used to do that every year without fail, and all the cousins would come to us. (We went elsewhere one year, and it was terrible because the stuffing was Stove Top. Unacceptable.) These days, people live in different places, have different people to see, and different […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Puffies, Porn ‘Stache, and Pacman
Where do city kids hang out now? Since they’re all under strict parent and nanny supervision, I guess at home, or those Kumon homework help places, or maybe some franchised indoor bouncy castle center where they jump around while parents sit in a viewing skybox, critiquing their kids’ bounce form and sipping kale smoothies. They don’t have what […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Tales of a 5th Grade User
When I was a kid, I was such a user. That’s off-brand for a Scorpio. We’re supposed to be all-or-nothing, I like you or I don’t like you. With Annie Lewis and Karen Poterman, classmates in middle school, I was more, you bug me but you have something cool at your house, so let’s hang. […]
KEEP READINGMom, Saint of Home-Sewed Costumes and Stolen Snickers
Happy Halloween! A couple of weeks ago, I heard two moms talking on their way from drop off at the elementary school by my house. Actually, it was just one mom doing all the talking. The other barely had a chance to say “uh huh” and “OK” and seemed sorry she’d gotten dragged into walking […]
KEEP READINGBirthday FAQs (Don’t smile don’t smile don’t smile.)
It’s my birthday! For the occasion, I will answer your top birthday FAQs. Thanks for asking! Any big plans for tonight? Birthday party? Just dinner out, which is fine by me. If I had a party, I’d spend weeks worrying that I can’t not invite you, but if I do, will you mix with my other friends? Or […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: P.S. I Loved This Store
My birthday’s coming! No presents, please. But if you must, I like anything from P.S. I Love You. Oh, sorry, scratch that. The store, which was near our house on the Upper West Side, no longer exists, and I’m no longer 12. But if this were 1981… You could buy me anything from P.S. I Love You and […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Boners In The News
Through 8th grade, I went to a “progressive” school on the Upper West Side. People called it “the TV School” because it looked like a TV, though now that they expanded the building upwards, it looks like a TV with a VCR, TiVo and cable box all stacked dumbly on top of it. Everyone knows you’re […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday*: That’s some hairy frosting.
People seem to like it when I talk about growing up in NYC in the 70s and 80s, so I thought I’d start a series. I’m torn between Wayback Wednesday* and Frowback Friday. My concern about Frowback Friday is that people will pronounce the “Frow” part like it rhymes with “now.” And if I spell […]
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