Last week, I wrote a post on Facebook that I immediately wanted to delete. It was a clever little finger wag about grammar. I hate clever. I love dumb, I love funny, but clever is yuck. Clever is “Get it? Get it?” It’s a pursed-lip giggle with fanned fingers touched to pearls, in an “Oh […]
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Worst writing advice ever. Ever, ever.
I have fake eyelash extensions, I often put off writing, and I used to be in a cult. 3 things I’ve mentioned here before, and today they all tie together. First, about the cult: I’ll give the usual qualifier, which is that it wasn’t a cult-cult, more of a weekly workshop attended by about 70 […]
KEEP READINGNo one’s thinking about you as much as you are. (And why you don’t need to apologize for not blogging more)
I look like shit I look like shit I look like shit. That’s the thought that ruined my whole evening recently. And my steak. That day, I’d been part of a photo shoot for a friend who’s a stylist and needed to put outfits on real people (read: so. not. models.) for her blog. She had pros there to do my […]
KEEP READINGI have nothing to say today.
I knew this day would come. The day when I feel like I have nothing to say. Sometimes I get inspired on my morning walk – like, check out the chick at the farmers market wearing diaper jeans. That’s a blog post! Sometimes I get inspired the night before when I’m watching TV with Steven. […]
KEEP READINGCan I do this every f*cking day?
OK, I have two things to confess. Jesus, I already hate this post. I hate when bloggers say they’re going to confess something and you get all excited for something juicy, like “I make out with my dog and I don’t just mean first base” or “My real hobby isn’t painting watercolor landscapes, it’s shoplifting Lanvin handbags […]
KEEP READINGHow a big hole can get you more attention.
The Diddler is back. No, The Diddler is not a Batman villain. It’s our nickname for the guy who plants himself outside our window a couple of times a day to have a smoke and jerk his fly up and down. Once or twice, I’m pretty sure he’s actually whipped out his thang and jerked that […]
KEEP READINGNo comment.
Oh, me so haw-ny! Me love you long time! Hello, I’m a comment whore.
KEEP READINGI’m back from Funky Town.
Hey, I’m back. Why haven’t I posted in the last month? Well, I had a metric shit-ton of work. And allergies. They’re really bad this year, seriously – I want to scratch my eyes with a fork. And there was that ash cloud. OK, I can’t really blame the volcano in Iceland. Especially since I […]
KEEP READINGGo ahead, hate my stuff (or, why writing is like a big glass of milk).
I’m not a picky eater. I love most food. But there’s one thing that makes me gag.If it’s on my plate I can’t eat it. If someone at the same table has it, I have to breathe through my mouth — which is good incentive for everyone else not to order it, because who wants […]
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