I don’t want to get too heavy on you, so I’ll jump in at “ballsack.”
KEEP READINGmy dad
Shit. I said a bad word.
There’s this twitter user you’ve probably heard of called “Shit My Dad Says.” He’s been on the scene since early Twitter. He tweets shit his dad says, and his feed was turned into a 2010 network tv show starring William Shatner. Except, of course, it wasn’t called “Shit My Dad Says.” It was written “$#*! […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Kids, have you seen my rubbers?
“HAS ANYONE SEEN MY RUBBERS?” My dad used to yell that through the house. I think about it on slushy New York days. By “rubbers,” he meant his black rubber overshoe boots by Totes. Instead of changing from one pair to another, you just slipped these on over your good wingtips. Or, in my dad’s case, Hush […]
KEEP READINGThis is what those flags are about.
Growing up Jewish in New York, the capitol of bagels and lox, I was never “the Jewish one.” My experience of antisemitism or even ignorance in that category was limited to a couple of moments: – One time was on a 10th-grade trip to Washington, DC. Above the hotel room that 3 of my friends […]
KEEP READINGI deserve to be lazy. But so what.
I’ve been very deserve-y since I got back from Europe. (Sorry for that sentence. “Since I got back from Europe” is a heinous thing to say. Makes me think of my first day at my private all-girls school in 9th grade. During lunch, one of the fanciest girls in the class — her last name was one […]
KEEP READINGDon’t throw that out! (1980s buttons and more from Casa Mom ‘n’ Dad)
My parents don’t like to throw things out. Neither do I. Steven keeps saying, “apple, tree” whenever he sees evidence of a hereditary hoarding pattern. And since we’ve been living here for a month, he’s had many opportunities to say it. Here are some of the things my parents hold onto: A ziploc baggie of […]
KEEP READING“Um, yes?” is the new “Go for it,” my father will not be stopped, and other lessons from a writing workshop in Italy
Oh hi. I’m a shitty example. Last month I was in Italy, teaching 30 people that there’s always something to write about. I even passed around a printed guide I wrote called The Art Of The Start (How To Start Writing Anything). I got everyone writing. I came back all jazzed to write about it. But I return from […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: Therapy ruined my Wednesdays.
Before my parents made me go to therapy, Wednesdays were the most special day of the week. Not because of “hump day,” which is now the basis of the most annoying Geico ad ever (that one with the camels), but because it was a half day at my school. We got out for lunch, and our parents […]
KEEP READINGWayback Wednesday: My dad, the ski lodge pimp
One time, on a ski vacation, my dad tried to pimp me. Maybe that’s misleading. He was trying to find me “teens my age.” That was always his thing. Not always teens, but always kids my age. My dad loves meeting people more than the average person loves meeting people. And from his days selling both Catholic […]
KEEP READINGThree old-person things I did before 9:30 am
1) Shook my finger — like a pendulum, back and forth — at a car trying to turn through a just-red light. I actually “tsked” as I stopped the car by walking in front of it, and gave it a “where do you think you’re going, sonny” look. (The driver was an old Chinese lady.) […]
KEEP READINGHappy Birthday to me! Wait, what?
Today, even though I’m trying not to wake up and look at email, I woke up to this lovely email. So sweet, but unnecessary. And, if my mom had been cc’d, she would have sent an immediate retraction. Because guess what? IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY. My dad’s 82. Normally, my first thought would be to call my parents and […]
KEEP READINGI have nothing to say today.
I knew this day would come. The day when I feel like I have nothing to say. Sometimes I get inspired on my morning walk – like, check out the chick at the farmers market wearing diaper jeans. That’s a blog post! Sometimes I get inspired the night before when I’m watching TV with Steven. […]
KEEP READINGWhen we’re angry, we say how we’re feeling.
That’s my dad in the 1970s. He’d been an engineer for Eastern Airlines, with perks like free flights around the world in First Class. He gave it up to become a psychotherapist, with perks like hearing peoples’ feelings. Yes, to him, that was a perk. Dad loves feelings. When my sister and I were angry […]
KEEP READINGNever been on the internet? Meet your friend.
Lately, I keep seeing commercials that show someone in front of a computer and say, in onscreen text graphics, “This is Alex. She’s never been on the internet.” If you haven’t seen these, you’ve probably already guessed the joke: “Alex” is a Kimodo dragon. Kidding. Alex is not a Kimodo dragon. Nor is she: A […]
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