Talking Shrimp

copywriting. jumbo style.

Want words that bring the cha-ching?
I help you write them.

[*CAREFUL! You might be about to tease yourself. My one-on-one services below are currently off the market, even if it looks like you can get them. I’ve left this page up purely for reading pleasure, or torture, while I rebrand. As a mentoring option, consider joining Shrimp Club when it reopens in August (September start date). For quick, off-the-shelf copywriting help, visit the shop.]

 

If you’re an entrepreneur, small company, hobbyist, or zebra who needs writing that won’t put people to sleep — and you do need it, if you want them to stick around and give you money — I can help you with that. (Why would a zebra need help with writing? Because zebras are shitty writers.) Quite simply, I help you write copy that sounds like you talk and makes people want what you sell.
My roster of private clients includes the one and only Marie Forleo. (Yes, I’m dropping a name you might not even know. Gotta take risks.) During its run, I was the official copywriting mentor for Marie’s high-level mastermind. I spoke from the stage at her NYC event, RHH Live. And, together, she and I script her weekly online show, Marie TV. It’s Webby-honored, and has over a million views. Best of all, we partnered to create The Copy Cure, a copywriting course to help you find your voice…and sell your anything.

But you don’t have to be internet-famous to work with me.
(Or famous-famous, though I’d love that.)

Itching for copy help now, now, now? Scroll down.

scroll to learn more

marie forleo for talking shrimp

Laura is PURE genius.

Her writing, wit, and humor are a gift to the world. She is beyond amazing at creative brainstorming and has helped me shape so so so many ideas that have become hugely profitable. She’s simply the BEST and I cannot recommend her highly enough!
Marie Forleo

shrimpstare

Does this sound like you?

Come to mama.

Know you’re a pretty good writer — with the dusty, A+ essay on To Kill a Mockingbird to prove it — but can’t seem to make your web copy, blog posts, or emails come alive?

Got impeccable grammar but an About page that’s dry as my calves in winter? (Yes, I’ve tried baby oil, thanks.) Writing for business today is a whole different ballgame. It needs to be more personal and conversational. I’m an expert at helping you loosen up your writing so you sound like a person instead of a robot nuclear physicist.

About to launch?

Polishing a sales page that you think is damn solid but you’ve looked at it so long you can’t tell anymore? Your fresh set of eyes is right here. I’ll make it that much better. And that much better means that much more jingle flowing into your hot little Paypal account. My copy makeovers are like great plastic surgery: they enhance the best features of your copy, correct the flaws, and make it look and feel natural. Whoever did the face-‘n’-boob jobs of all the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills should take note.

Never at a loss for words…until you sit down to type?

Guess what? I don’t just write for you. I do COPY COACHING. (I recommend a Power Hour.) I’ll get you to think of it as “copytalking” instead of “copywriting” — so your keyboard never gets tongue-tied again.

Enrolled in The Copy Cure and want extra help?

The doctor is in. Let’s do a Power Hour and cure your copy together.

Got a million thoughts and ideas, but zero idea where to start?

We’ll get it sorted out. After working with me, you’ll be up and running with a starting point, segues, main points, all the elements you’ve been trying to figure out in your head. (That doesn’t work, b-t-dubs.) I’m like a personal organizer, but for ideas and words. And that’s where it ends. Don’t look in my underwear drawer.

Went to town on that “ideal customer avatar” exercise but have no clue how it translates into words in your marketing?

For instance, how do your client’s worst fears of being left by her husband for a Hooter’s waitress come into play when you’re selling high-end, hand-carved napkin rings? I’ll show you exactly how to speak to your customer’s deepest wants and needs in a way that makes them say “damn, you all in my head” — or something to that effect.

Wish you didn’t need copy at all, thanks to a very, very rich client who’d find you by word of mouth, love you sight-unseen, and pay you enough money to retire — all before you had a chance to put up a website?

Ha! Me too, friend. How about the next best thing: copy that acts like that powerful word of mouth, and attracts your dream clients or customers? I’ll help you find language that speaks to them and makes them want you big-time. Plus, even if you could retire today, you’d still need a website so the new friends you meet on that undiscovered island off of Turkey could check you out when you invite them onto your yacht. It’s not 1995 anymore.

mastin kip for talking shrimp

Laura Belgray was instrumental

in writing copy for my best-selling book campaign. She also totally changed my sales page around and upped conversions. She’s my secret copy weapon and should be yours, too.
Mastin Kipp, Founder of The Daily Love

Laura is sharp, witty, and hilarious.

She has an innate feel for what flows and what reads well. I can’t recommend her highly enough, she definitely has a magical power for making things lively, fun and compelling – which is incredibly important if you want copy for your business that will keep customers around!
Laura Roeder

So how much time do we need together?

HINT: The answer is also the name of a leading adult diaper brand. That’s right: Depends!

As in, it’s hard to say until I lay eyes on your copy. Does it need buffing and polishing, or a head-to-toe rewrite? Whether it’s a page of web copy or a 2-minute video, it can take a couple of  hours,  or it can take a full day. Then again, sometimes a single Power Hour is all you need. IF YOU’RE A NEW CLIENT: Start with a Power Hour and we’ll go from there.

My Guesstimate Guide

Click on the tabs to the left to see how long we’ll need.

One full website pageOne super-long sales pageYour brand new taglineBuncha blog post ideasFind your voice
1 day of writing.
Sometimes I can work in two pages, if they aren’t super long. Or, if I’m just tweaking copy that you wrote and it’s already decent but needs some punch, I might get through a whole site.
1 day of punching up, maybe 2.
You’ve got to have the basic copy down for me to do this. I’ll take the time to make it way better. The headline alone will make or break your sales page, and I’ll make sure you have a choice of great ones.
1 hour for a bunch of great ideas. 2 hours for more great ideas.
And so on. Ask any major ad agency and they’ll tell you that nailing a tagline can take days, weeks, months of exploration. I might knock it out of the park for you on the first try, but I can’t promise that. No honest copywriter can. What I can promise is a list of possibilities that I myself would use if it were my brand, and that, even if they aren’t “it” for you, might spark an idea for something perfect.
Let’s do a Power Hour.
We’ll come up with fun, unique angles and must-click headlines.
Let’s do a Copy Coaching Power Hour.
Believe it or not, an hour can completely change the way you approach copywriting. Of course, writing takes practice, duh. But clients have credited my coaching more than once with “parting the clouds” for them. Makes me feel so godly. Kneel before me! (No, get up, I was kidding.)

So how much will it cost?

RATES: I ain’t cheap.
But I’m a great value.

In fact, as I’m writing this, the client I helped just this week has since booked enough new business to cover every penny she invested in her copy makeover. That’s right, her copy has already literally paid for itself.

How soon can I book you?

Got major writer’s block and that thing’s due yesterday? Need an emergency brainstorming session stat?

My calendar tends to fill up weeks in advance but if it’s an emergency I’ll try my best to clear an hour (Note there’s a different price for that). There’s no guaranteed availability, but you’ll have a better chance if you allow at least 2 business days’ lead time for a 1-3 hour block. If you’re looking to book a solid day, there might be one available in the next week, but more likely we’ll have to look at least a month down the road.

Are we a
match?

If the strongest curse word you can tolerate is “fiddlesticks”…

If your home page photo shows you making sweet love to a tree…

If your email sign-off is “Blessings”…

Then, yeah. I’d say: probably not. But if you disagree, I’m highly persuadable.

Rates & Packages

How’s it work when you book time with me? Usually, we’ll spend the time working on your copy together. Sometimes, we’ll chat for a bit and I’ll spend the rest jamming on my own. Either way, you’ll end up with better copy that does the #1 thing it needs to do: hit the emotional mark and get the right people to buy.

Kiddie Cone

$750
Wonder what it’s like to work with me? Dip your toe.

is this for me?

Power Hour

$1450

Let’s make your copy stand out, connect emotionally, sound like you, flow better, sell better. (Special rate: 3 for $4050)

is this for me?

Own me for a day
(aka the ‘Pretty Woman’ special)

$10,000
*FOR RETURNING CLIENTS

is this for me?

“I can’t commit all those shekels to you yet but want amazing copy!”

$99
Get my 60-Minute-Makeovers Copywriting Mini Course

is this for me?

Laura’s a genius copywriter.

She’s endlessly creative, knows when to add humor at the perfect moment and can take an idea and turn it into more traffic, leads and sales. I had her whip up the intros for my weekly podcast, and have run speaking topics and other copy past her many times. I can sum up my experience working with Laura in 3 simple words: Best. Money. Spent.
Amy Porterfield, amyporterfield.com

amy porterfield for talking shrimp
heather pierce giannone

Belgray is a word magician.

I bring her pretty good copy and she turns it into spectacular, shiny, totally jumping off the page making people take action copy. It’s amazing and it happens every time. The first time I worked with her on a sales page I made $20K in one week. Woah Nelly!
Kate Northrup, Author of “Money, A Love Story”

WOWWEE.

Along with your incredible ideas and wordsmithing, working together gave me greater confidence in 1) my own writing and 2) my offering. If I’d hired someone I respected less I probably would have been hesitant about using copy that was as confident as what you’ve written. I’m wicked happy I made this investment in your work.
Farideh Ceasar, Musician and Launch Strategist

Here’s what:

In the first 4 days after working with Laura on my website copy I booked $5000 worth of new business. That was triple my average. Triple. Laura’s help has brought out my natural voice, exploded my income, and changed my business forever. Can I get an amen?
Licia Morelli, Psychic, Intuitive Coach, Speaker

 

“I almost cried!”

Want to write better copy, starting today? Click the pic below.

Get my copywriting mini-course!

You know you want it.