Know what I need to do?
Apparently, everything.
Every time I open up 750words.com, which I use as my journal, I see that I accidentally skipped a few days. I broke my streak.
And I invariably start with, “I need to write more.”
And then, as I continue typing, the “I need to”s multiply like Gremlins when they get wet. Or Walkers (aka zombies) on The Walking Dead when they get hungry. Or dirty dishes when I’m in the house. (Just ask my husband.)
“I need to blog more. I need to work more on my book. I need to do more posts on Instagram. I need to call my parents more. I need to visit my dad at his assisted living. I need to help my mom more with my dad. I need to answer that email. I need to book the flights. I need to work on my presentation for that writing workshop. I need to make nicer slides. I need to learn how to make nicer slides. I need to deal with those mortgage tax papers. I need to get my hair cut and colored. I need to start drinking that green juice that’s supposed to reverse graying. I need to stop the magical thinking. I need to stop caring so much about how young I look. Or how old I look. I need to be more flexible about missing my dance class. I need to do more things I’m scared of. I need to stop eating ice cream every night. I need to start yoga. I don’t like yoga. Maybe I need to stop needing to like everything I do.
I need to stop buying clothes. I need to clean out my closet. I need to wear what I have, or get rid of it.
I need to get conditioner. I keep filling the conditioner bottle with water so the pump would reach the conditioner, which is still effective when it’s watered down but not when it’s 100% water. I need to find a new conditioner.
I need to make more money. I need to stop dwelling on money. Maybe I need to clear “money blocks”? I need to stop magical thinking.
I need to win the lottery…”
And I wonder, does everyone else think “I need to” as much as I do?
I hate these words. I need to stop thinking them. See? I can’t.
Here’s why I hate them:
They’re boring!
They make me bored of myself. Do it or don’t do it, and stop saying you need to.
I wonder how often I say “I need to” out loud. It must be frustrating to friends who think, “So why don’t you?”
One version I’m officially banning: “I need to get back to my book.”
I’m making it a non-negotiable to work on my book for at least one hour every weekday because I refuse to keep being an “I need to” about it.
The most boring sentence in the world is, “I started ____, but I need to get back to it.”
What a non-story. Not a success story. Not a spectacular-failure story. Not a sad or happy ending. Just a beginning and middle.
For me, it’s my book. For you, it might be something else. Painting. Standup. Creating a course. That blog post. Working out. Orange Is The New Black. (Nobody cares if you finished that, but let’s agree that it’s so boring of you to have started and not finished a streaming series. You’re not even qualified to discuss it.)
I imagine I’ll always be chased by “I need to”s but I can at least take control of one big one. I will not be an “I need to get back to it” with this again, because that translates to “I dropped it.”
Now you.
What’s your big “I need to”? Do you have that phrase in your head all day?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
I don’t need to tell you that I love comments. So leave one!
Yes’ I totally agree that the sentence need to give me a sense that we cannot do what we said in the sentence need to. Just like when someone has a heart broken. They might said “I need to cut him off mylife” this give me the meaning that cannot cut someone off.
I told myself ‘I need to stop watching Bravo’ for about five years. I was such an addict that I had to forgo taking twelve tiny steps to recovery and go the cold turkey route…I had my cable turned off in March. I went through serious withdrawal’s at first, however, I find that my, ‘I need to’ list has become shorter.
I totally relate. The “I need to” is why I stopped writing — I got so tired of myself. My new favourite quote is: “Comparison is the death of joy.” I trot this out any time I start comparing…and needing. Works for me! (Doesn’t get done anything I’m not doing…but it reminds me that I’m probably busy enough, anyway…and if I avoid measuring myself against anyone else…I’m probably OK.)
Yup!! The running busy work, monkey mind’s incessant list of shit to do — most of it entirely deletable. Like right now, I need to free bleed into my Donna Karan undies because they’re so rapable, like all of her stupid clothing line. And also forgettable. But I digress, and really, I don’t even own any of her stupid women-hating rape-encouraging-sucking-up-to-Weinstein’s ass clothing at all.
Ugh. Sorry just saw the news. I need to stop watching the news.
And, yeah, need is so passive, and we all know that a good writer must avoid the passive voice.
You always rule, Laura. Thank you for being a voice of the real real in a world full of shlock.
Now, I’m off to the Viper Room for a metal jam night. Mwah to y’all.
The worst thing about most of my “need to” list is that I think of them when I’m trying to sleep, right when I literally can’t DO anything about them. It’s possible I’m doing that subconsciously on purpose, because I am a) a procrastinator and b)a big fat chicken shit.
Hi i suffer from the ‘ I need to ‘ disease as well. But I need to cut out the stress in my life so out with I need to and in with do it or chuck it out.
Laura,
I suffer from this every friggin day. Pisses me off big time, ’cause I know I’ll eventually reach my dad’s stage in life (happy, free, no clients, lots of travel) where I realise that 99% of the need-to’s I created were bullshit.
Right now, I feel like I need to settle on what my first online course will be about. I just spent a few days away in a hotel overlooking a beach (a perfect location for blue-sky strategising), but it didn’t help much.
So I need to get back to just “I’m doing”, and stop dwelling on the need-to’s.
You have my permission to do the same. 😉
xx
I need to be a better advocate for racial justice and the earth. No biggie!
“I need to” retire from my job which is making me and my colleagues sick.
What I really need to do is exercise more, Take Action. and follow through, daily.
I get bored after 3 months of daily yoga. Now I want to do something different.
I need to win the lottery.
As always you make me laugh.. and learning to tell a story with humor is what I really need to do!
I need to get up at 0430 and commute to another state, then work to another country.
I Do NOT need to clean out my closet because I did that today to get away from the other things I need to do.. oh and I do not need to do the dishes.. they got done too.
Avoidance is strong in this one.
I need a more fun life.
What a delightful post! I’m sold. I’m banning “I need to…” from my vocabulary. Thank you, Laura, for the much needed inspiration!
Between Bali, London and Austria – between Sustainable Community Consulting, Content Creation, Agile Tech Start Up Development Management, between falling in love and running away because I am afraid my heart could get broken again, and this time I couldn’t stand up anymore. Between wanting to deliver this amazing story that nobody seems to understand, between book and documentary, between so many ideas that I give birth to which never become more real other than on the paper in one of my idea’s books that I have… And there are many. I need to stop creating and finally make things happen. I need to stop fearing me being me.
I need to find balance, and then I find out that balance isnt something static but never gets done.
I need to reply to Laura Belgray, because I need to tell her that I am reading every one of her newsletters – and thats rare. But its something about her style and her honesty that makes me want to be friends with her. But I don’t need to tell her that. That’s silly.
Every now and again I remember, that everything comes at the right time when I am ready for it and that I dont need to be stressed about anything. Peace… Ahh… I don’t need to do anything. And in the next second, my head goes again: I need to find a boyfriend, I need to get this right…. I need to make my dreams come true.
And while I am thinking about everything I need to do, life is happening anyway and doesnt give me much time to focus on all my need to’s. Strangely those, that I really need to do – magically happen exactly at the right time, in the right moment.
All I need to do is trust.
I’ve just come here from 750worda.com where id just listed out my I need tos. 750 words is a lot of ‘i need to’s. Thank you for this post, funny and insightful.
I find the list making takes away time for doing. I have this problem in work where reporting progress stands in the way of making progress. To busy providing updates or attending meetings.
“reporting progress stands in the way of making progress” – perfection!
Laura, I’m usually inside laughing (you know, in my head) throughout your whole post, but what made me burst out loud laughing was the water in the conditioner bottle. My dad used to do that with the Softsoap. And I hated it because it was so watered down. But now I do it and my kids hate it. It still cleans!
As far as ‘need to’s’ yes, when I look around my house and yard all I see is a bunch of work. But I’ve learned to let it be. (Same with the stack of unread business books I got as part of some ‘launch’).
We can always think of more to do than there is time to do. So I use this statement, “Am I going to do something about it right now?” If not, then quit worrying about it. Either plan it in your schedule or forget about it. (Or think about it later.)
And yes, I’m still working on my book… 8 years later.
Don’t you hate when you turn into your dad?
I need to:
drink more water 😉
start writing my book
continue doing guided meditations because they work
stop buying online courses (unless they are yours and I already have copy cure and its fantastic)
start doing yoga or pilates
OMG this is getting stressful I need to stop!
That’s right – the unless they’re mine part is the only one you need to keep!
hey : )
well like you… I can make a list of many things my brain keep saying “I need to…”
I need to keep writing for the blog, I need to start vlogging, I need to wear more black, I need to plan better… so many things.
but whenever my brain wants to start doing this, another thought comes in:
I need to realise this is life! (so my frustration comes down) This is what life is about, this all is what I wanted to do, and this is how it is suppose to be!
I just need to keep going!” and then… I relax!!
I really like when Marie F. shares she actually doesn’t have it all put together! and many days it is just running to life! I have figure: just enjoy it!
I think this would make us all realise, having a healthy and enjoyable life style can start now! it’s in our mind!
love
MariV
all the things. but yes, it’s soooo boring. i bore (or torture) myself with it.
I need to read this again.
Bore-ture. The worst.
YES!!! So many I need to’s!! But I’m trying to reframe a bit, telling myself that “I get to.” That definitely helps with actually wanting to do these things. Always love to read your posts. So fortunate “I get to” read them, hahaha!
I’m so fortunate I get to have you reading!
I think instead of “I need to” I’m going to switch to “I’m going to” and mean it.
I like that. I’m going to do that, too.
I need to add something brilliant here, but I need to do so many other things first! Lol! ????
This did the trick!
I need to finish my Copy Cure class and re-write my website!
And I hate my”need to” statements. They just feel so “needy”
You can do that! That’s one you could cross off pretty quickly. Do it so your “I need to” becomes “I need to put the money in the bank.”
I need to win the lottery so I can do all the shit I want to do, like:
finish my humorous memoir
get back to learning Italian
get back to wine school
and buy a baby goat! 🙂
Is that so you can clear a bunch of blackberry bushes or ivy off your property? That’s why I’d want a goat.
I hear they’re super expensive now because everyone wants one as a green way to maintain their yard instead of a lawnmower.
But you’d have to listen to their “meh” all night.
Lee: Except for the goat, we have just about the same lottery plan. OK, I don’t want to go to wine school. But the first two!
Ok, I can live without a goat (I do live in the city) — so, as long as there’s plenty of of good pinot — which I NEED as my sidekick to write my book! 😉 p.s. and maybe an adult diaper, since I laugh so much at my own crazy family’s shenanigans! 😉
Yup yup yup. Shit or get off the pot. I’m like this will small things (I need to do my laundry/I need to update my budget/I need to get a pedicure) but rarely big things. I do a lot of big things (yay!) but I haven’t washed my hair in days and I’m still wearing maternity pants 4 months later. I’m a productive hobo.
I’m so impressed by that. You DO do a lot of big things. That’s what counts. Though the little things, like washing hair, do nag at a person. I’d like to take care of big things first, like you.
Does “I need to get my shit together” count? Or is that too all broad and all encompassing? LOL!
That’s right up there! A top “I need to.”
I’ll work on using “I want to” instead of “I need to.”
Saying I need to do something sounds like something I don’t wanna do.
I have to or I want to. No more NEED TO.
Omg I was literally just coming back here to leave the same comment. One of my favorite things to say to myself instead of “I have to” is “I GET to.”
Laura, you GET to write a book! How fucking cool is that?!?!
k that’s all byeee
Yes! Though for half of them, I don’t want to. But I suppose I get to!
I do get to write a book. That’s pretty fucking cool. I agree.