“You have to put yourself out there!”
“If you don’t promote yourself, you’re stealing from those who need you!”
“Marketing and selling are an act of service.”
You’ve probably heard these things. They’re all true.
You might’ve also heard:
“If your friends are annoyed by your success, they don’t deserve to be in your life.”
That one is crap.
It’s about as helpful as when you weren’t invited to a birthday party and your mother said, “Those people aren’t your real friends.”
Great. Well, they’re still the people I want to hang out with, and I still want to be at that damn birthday party and play musical chairs and whack a piñata and have cake.
If you have so many friends that you can afford to drop the ones who are annoyed by something you do, who don’t get what you do, or who roll their eyes at you, then congrats! You officially have too many friends.
Because here’s the truth:
The short answer to this post’s title is, You can’t. Or, Don’t post.
If you promote your blog post, your course, your Huffpo article, your gallery opening, your tap dance recital, your jewelry trunk show, your essential oils, your new coaching package, your launch, your lunch, your winning mindset, your gorgeous new flirty bob haircut, your anything…
YOU WILL ANNOY YOUR FRIENDS.
All of them? Of course not. Maybe almost none of them. Maybe not the shit out of them. But I promise you, at least someone in your life will roll their eyes.
Here are some other things a friend or two, or lots of them, might do when you promote yourself:
- Take a screen shot of your post and send it to someone else who knows you, with an eye roll emoji. Or even the barf emoji.
- Think, “Ew, tacky.”
- Think that you’ve changed – and not for the better.
- Hover over the Like button and then decide, “nah.”
- Talk about you with another friend, and both condescendingly say, “Bless” at the same time. And then yell “Jinx!”
Here are six helpful thoughts you can have when people are annoyed by your self-promotion:
- Who cares?
- Haters gonna hate.
- They’s just peanut butter and jealous.
- I wish them #loveandlight!
- It’s not my business what anyone thinks of me.
- Fuck ’em.
More helpfully, you can also remember these five things:
1) Every time you’ve rolled your eyes at a friend’s promote-y posts — and you know you have — they’ve succeeded (or not) regardless.
2) Everybody doesn’t like something. That doesn’t mean that something is any less good. For instance, I have a friend who hated, and still hates, Mad Men. That’s her problem. Mad Men is still one of the best shows ever made. It’s superb—just like you are, even if someone doesn’t like your post.
3) As a society, we have a built-in “Ew, selling is gross” attitude. I’m too lazy to research where it comes from. The Renaissance? Some time when it was also déclassé to be tan. And then there’s the warning to all children: “No one likes a show-off.” So when someone’s annoyed by your self-promotion, it’s not personal. It’s cultural.
4) If one person tells you, “Your [book/TEDx talk/ idea/ toilet bidet attachment/ course] changed my life — I never would’ve found out about it if you hadn’t posted,” and 13 other people roll their eyes at you in the privacy of their own caves, that’s a “worth it” ratio — don’t you think?
And, most importantly,
5) No great artist, innovator, or leader — no person worth talking about — ever lived by the motto “Don’t be annoying.”
Sure, there are things you can do to be less annoying.
Strategies for promoting yourself without being (too) annoying:
- Mix it up.
Make the promote-y stuff a small fraction of your posts. The rest should be helpful, funny, interesting, observational, personal. Like and comment on other people’s stuff. Don’t bombard us nonstop with promotion and brags and selfies; don’t go away or lurk invisibly for months and then suddenly sell us something. It’s a little weird when someone who’s never on Facebook shows up out of the blue saying, “I’m selling bikinis!” Or “My movie’s in an online festival and needs your vote.” - Don’t be full of shit.
Be real. Make claims you can stand behind, in a way that’s true to you.
Don’t post “Ladies, here’s how to have a magical relationship” when you’ve just slapped your partner with a restraining order.
Don’t post shots of yourself decked in Gucci and Loubies and Louis Vuitton, in front of your private jet, that’s landed in front of the Eiffel Tower, that you’ve had replicated in front of your house, captioned with hashtag #abundance, when you’re ducking collection agencies.
Don’t write, “I’m finally stepping fully into my power” when that sounds like nothing that would ever come out of your mouth.
Don’t say, “Hundreds of clients and friends have been asking me how I’m able to live this lifestyle, so today I’m revealing –” Shh. No they haven’t. No one asked you. We’re on to you. And it’s annoying. - Don’t announce, “Shameless self-promotion!”
Why not? Because you’re promoting the idea that self-promotion is shameful (and, therefore, annoying. It’s self-fulfilling.) We don’t say “shameless food pic” or “shameless book recommendation” or “shameless swimming,” do we? So let’s strike the “shameless” from self-promotion and just call it that. - Have Friends Who Get It.
Friends Who Get It will click the Like button, or even the Love button, when you promote yourself. Some might even share. It makes a difference. This doesn’t mean, drop your Friends Who Don’t Get It. But you can balance them out — with an audience of supportive fans who love everything you say and do, and a new inner circle from your sphere of business or geekdom. Have a mix.
That’ll help. But again —
If you want to share what you love, sell, or do — and you’d better if you want a successful business — prepare to be annoying. And live with it.
And fuck ’em.
Now you.
Do you think people get annoyed when you promote yourself? Do you care?
Do you get annoyed by them? Should they care?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
Oh hey, it would be truly shameful if I didn’t now promote my emails, which deliver this kind of magic to your inbox and an injection of bold “f*ck ’em, I’m going to be more ME” to your brain.
This is such a relatable topic! Promoting yourself on social media can be tricky, but I love how you emphasized authenticity and adding value rather than just constant self-promotion. It’s all about finding that balance between staying true to yourself and sharing content that genuinely interests your audience. Great tips, thanks for sharing!
This made me laugh out loud. It’s weird how in my head you are
Oh I used to feel like this and then something in me snapped when a family member said ‘well, we’re not really interested in your business’. Alright, alright ALRIGHT! So why are you following me on social media then? [I politely asked].
We want to see what you’re ‘up to’. Hhmmm no thank you, best you leave me now.
I can’t believe how timely it is that I’ve stumbled across this article. I’m starting two new businesses and have been scared of what my friends will think about me sharing about them on socials. One of them is songwriting and it took me weeks to write ‘I write songs’ in my Insta bio because I thought someone was going to say – ‘No you DON’T, who do you even think you are?!’. This blog post is everything, thank you 🙏
Funny & poignant, as always. I don’t feel shame for posting — it’s part of the job. When I catch myself eye rolling at other’s posts I check my ego and hunger level. Am I really jealous or do I need a snack and a nap? Or are they annoying because they’re shallow or uninteresting? If the latter, time to mute or unfollow.
Another caveat for me is that when someone says, “shameless self promotion” she’s actually apologizing for the self promotion. AmIRight? Women need to stop apologizing for everything fucking thing we do. Thanks for talking about this!!
That’s exactly right—when someone says “shameless self-promotion,” they’re doing the opposite. Thanks, Amy!
Brilliant, funny, engaging, real… thank you!
“Ladies, here’s how to have a magical relationship” when you’ve just slapped your partner with a restraining order. hahahaha! Love it. Truth is, I’m almost never annoyed at any of my friends promoting stuff, except maybe for real estate agents who post cheese and generic shit. But that’s mainly because they just don’t know how else to stay active on social – so I feel for them. As far as my posts – I don’t think I annoy my friends either because I try to inject stories and personal stuff as much as I can.
This article was brilliant and and I’m so grateful YOU’RE sharing posts Laura. Love love your work!
Love this article so much! I needed this today!!
Thanks for sharing!
I so needed this today! I’ve finally found something that I’m passionate about, and it’s getting recognition and appreciation. However, there are some that would like me to stop. It hurts my feelings, but I’m not stopping. In fact, I’m just getting started 😊
Thank you
So needed this!! I’ve finally found something that I’m passionate about, and it’s being recognized and appreciated. However, there are some that would like me to stop, and being mean about. It hurts, but I’m not stopping. In fact, I’m just getting started..
Thank you 😊
One of my “escalator stories” (one of Marie’s references) was seeing a colleague of mine with a screenshot of one of my social media posts in their phone. I called them out on it then… but it traumatized me a bit. I went from being super confident (new entrepreneur) to “oh shit… everyone is judging me.”
Well… recently he responded to one of my marketing emails with the biggest congratulations.
So… F@^% em! ????
¡Gracias por la hermosa publicación!
You’re so right, but it’s so difficult not to care!!! I’m working on it. ????
I used to worry about it… But a few friends have told me I’ve inspired them to do things, (make a thing, start a thing) and that is a wonderful feeling. Totally worth it.
Haha I got annoyed when people shared their meals on social media. I’m jealous of people who eat while I’m here eating a bag of prunes cause having pizza and cheese all the time clogs me up. But when I started posting foodie pics – I noticed why I did it. I do it because I’m grateful for the nourishment and if it’s out of the apartment (something that rarely happens) then I’m capturing the moment. I no longer get fed up when I see bun shots in my feed now. (Pssst how did you like that sentence haha) Well, I’m excited and I’m going to be more 80/20 with my posts. 20 being sales. 80 being more equally more (oxymoron) fun and personal!
Sage advice. I rarely promote anything on my personal social media anyway… for one super important reason… THEY’RE NOT MY TARGET CLIENTS!
I keep it more like 95/5 on the personal pages.
Damn, your shit just gets better and better, Laura. I watched Marie’s first two B-School vids yesterday, and I’m really starting to get comfortable with this whole non-sucky self-promotion thing. This post of yours puts a nice little bow on it.
There are tonnes of self-promotion emails I hate, but the worst offender is the fake scarcity email. By the time the 5th one drops, I know there’s no friggin’ scarcity.
I love the way you and Marie promote your things – straightforward, entertaining, and bullshit-free.
Thank you for the “yeah, you’ll probably annoy them anyway” sentiment.
And thank you for the “worth it” ratio. Alexandra Franzen says it all the time (loosely paraphrased “if just one person is helped by my words, it’s worth it”)… but I like how you said it better in a ratio. [Funny, I’m not usually a “math” person.]
Basically, I’m pretty sure people think I’m annoying anyway, whether or not I’m promoting my work. May as well hedge my bets if I’m already annoying! 😉
Dear Laura,
Loooooove this post. Thank you. Boom, high five & elbow swish emoji. You nailed it!
Whenever I feel self conscious of self-promotion or marketing my brand, I remember the wise words of TV Texan yoda, Dr. Phil: “You wouldn’t worry what people thought of you if you realized how little they did.”????????????
Thanks for fab post & excellent reminder.
Sincerely,
Mindy Carpenter
Carpe Diem Papers
This!
“No great artist, innovator, or leader — no person worth talking about — ever lived by the motto ‘Don’t be annoying.’ ”
Of course they didn’t!
Great reminder to be courageous and not worry about the neighsayers!
I Laughed so hard reading this!
Thank you, I needed that shot of crying-laughing.
All of this is so true, been there, guilty as charged and then now I do my best to keep my posts as varied as possible. And I do promote, the ‘here’s what I’m up to’ posts tend to be a great warm-up for the here’s the sales post.
Anyhow, super duper helpful and entertaining. Shared it with my mastermind.
As always……fucking magical and spot on, darling! I tend to like/love peoples shit because I like to support my tribe, but yeah….fuck’em if they don’t want to see the cool shit I’m doing/making.
I don’t really care (at least not anymore). I used to worry about this a lot, but then had so many friends comment that they have been so inspired by whatever I shared. So it’s not just about self-promotion but about inspiring others; showing them they they too can accomplish x, y and z. And I believe it’s about how you share it.
It also helps that I have a wonderful mix of friends, just like you suggested toward the end of your fantastic post! It really makes a difference!!
Love your posts, but you already knew that ????
You’re the most elegant sharer I know! I think you do it right.
And I’m so happy to have you in my mix. A fierce supporter. Thank you.
Every time I write promote-y stuff I feel like I need a shot of vodka. Thanks for the tips, I need to do it right before I end up with AA. (And I roll my eyes, too, to endless pics of champagne glasses and beaches. How much of their time do they party, anyway?)
I hear you! It’s nerve-wracking. I make myself stop checking after I share. BTW, I think people are less and less inclined to like any kind of blog post on facebook. Maybe they think they need to read it before giving it a like, and they don’t feel like reading it. S’okay.
The laptop and wine glass on the sand! ????
Awesome and so straight from the hip! Why do I ever expect anything else! Great use of emoji in subj line!
Thanks, Wally! Matter of fact, that emoji was the suggestion of my brilliant designer, developer, online-everything person and friend Michelle Martello. (Minimadesigns.com)