3 very valid reasons to hate nor’easters

1) Old-timey apostrophes are goofy.  Like in the word “per’aps,” which, I’m ashamed to remember, I went through a phase of saying instead of “maybe” when I was 11. That and the sandals with socks might be why even my little sister stopped thinking I was cool.

2) The weather part sucks, especially when you’re wearing baggy sweats that are too long and keep dipping into slush puddles, and then grow longer as they get wetter.  Also, wind and snow or rain combo means more cheap, black umbrellas turned inside out on the street. It looks pathetic. Those 3-dollar umbrellas are pathetic on their best day, what with their icky, bumpy-textured plastic handles.

3) “Nor’easter” reminds me of the name “Nora,” which was the name of a friend I had in kindergarten. She was just a friend of convenience, because she lived down the block. She picked her lips till they bled. When we hung out at her house, we either had to: play with her grimy Barbies, which lived in old, rusted cookie tins; or pretend to color her Barbie coloring books. We couldn’t really color them, because she felt that would ruin them. So we fake-colored them by scratching the illustrations with our fingernails. As though they were scratch-off lottery cards. But there was never a prize. Nora was very careful never to scratch outside the lines.

I bet she now goes by Nor’a.

Add your own reasons to hate Nor’easters, or whatever you hate,  in the comments below.