This is a proud moment for me.
And for you, if we’re so close that you share my wishes and dreams and accomplishments and want to wear me as a skin suit.
Ready?
Talking Shrimp is all new!
OK, not all new. I couldn’t change everything, on account of I hate change. Which makes me a web designer’s dream. (Dream being code for “nightmare.”)
Because every designer loves to hear, “Can you refresh the logo but keep it the same?”
This was going to be a small job.
But we all know, there’s no such thing as a small job.
It’s why “We’ll just paint the place and move in” turns into “Take down ten of these walls and make the bedroom a kitchen and the kitchen a media room and the living room a magical pleasure den with a touch-sensitive secret batman wall that’s books on one side and the Chronicles of Narnia on the other.”
It’s why “Can you just make my eyes look a little more awake and not like I’m looking at an eclipse” turns into “WTF HAPPENED TO RENEE ZELLWEGER?”
(Side note: Yes, we’re still talking about her and let’s be real — the reason her plastic surgery hits a nerve is not because it makes her less relatable; it’s because it confirms that no, you can’t just change a few things you don’t like and look just like yourself, but hotter and younger. It confirms that plastic surgery has a long way to go and will not be ready anytime soon for those of us who pull our face skin back in the mirror and think, “if they just sewed my face like this…perfection!”)
Where was I? Oh yeah. My new site.
Notes:
1) It’s now “responsive,” or mobile-friendly. But I’d rather you viewed it on a full screen, or jumbotron if you have one. The homepage changes, and you can watch it for hours. Or minutes.
2) There might still be a few kinks. I’m tweaking it. But if you see anything embarrassing, like the wrong spelling of your/you’re, please let me know! That’s like walking around with my skirt tucked into my tights, which happened once at work in 1992 and it was like, 15 minutes before anyone told me. Be a pal.
3) My web designer/ developer, Michelle Martello of Minima Designs, is a genius. They call her “Smartello,” only because it has a nicer ring to it than “Geniustello.” Basically, she’s a unicorn: the rare, magical creature who can design AND code. I found her leaping happily in the woods and hired her. She’s not just a unicorn, but patient as Job. That’s someone in the bible, which I haven’t read in a long time so I forget whether Job was a web designer/developer. Probably.
OK, that’s enough for now. The mayor and townsfolk are waiting for me to officiate the Talking Shrimp ribbon cutting.
So welcome to the grand opening. Come on in!
Oh, and…
NOW YOU.
Discuss this site, home renovations, Renee Zellweger’s face, or whatever exciting thing you’ve got going on.
You know where: down in the comments!
Hello, after reading this remarkable piece of writing i am also happy to share my familiarity here with colleagues.
Loving the new digs, Laura. Your home page is so entertaining! 🙂
Holy Mackeral these comments are like stand up and I havent even gotten to the NEW site yet, cause I’m like posting from my phone in le Zattere in Venezia, so maybe that makes me the 2nd euroflasher in this feed…plenty of crustacheons here tho so i dont feel too left out, quaffed with a boat load of prosecco – congrats and salute from L’Americana…
Great job — and I’ve used the “5 secrets” and found it very helpful!
Laura dear,
You are truly a master, unlike the everyday palaver-drivel-makers so abundant in our profit-driven world.
Tip for improvement: As far as I’m concerned Rene Zellweger, without being visible, is still the pristine beauty I saw in the first film I saw with her. Please don’t tell me she is aging.
Love,
Dad
The website rocks and you do too..and the eye on that shrimp (looks bigger) and the Renee analysis and the fonts and the colors….ahhhh let’s just say your site is Ryan Gosling dressed (ONLY) in pink and orange pixels and I want to do inappropriate things with it!
Hey Laura,
First up Happy Birthday!! Second up, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your new site. Looks so good. I have a bit of website envy…
Looking forward to when you and Marie eventually launch The Copy Cure
Julie
Laura ~ Love, Love, Love your “new” site! Easy to navigate, clean, clear visually with stand out messages. I want Ms. Martello! Best birthday gift ever, and it wasn’t even my birthday!
Enjoy being the proud owner of your site, and loved the throw in of Renee who apparently went in for just a freshening up, a re-branding and came out somebody else’s brand.
Your commenters without pictures of their own get converted to TALKING SHRIMP?! Love the new site.
YOU SEXY BITCH! This is hot! I’m in love! Let’s just get this out of the way right now: Will your website be my Valentine?
Eff Valentine’s. My website wants to be your prom date and lose it to you.
I feel really bad for Renee! But why doesn’t she just own it? I mean, we ALL know something is up. Why doesn’t she just say, “Yeah I tried to upgrade my face, you never made a mistake?” Maybe it will eventually relax like Cindy Crawford’s did. Here’s to hoping.
Nice job on the shrimp!
I so agree! The whole “fulfilling, healthy lifestyle” line made everything so much worse! If she’d confessed right away, she would’ve gotten a fine deal from the DA. I mean the public. I’ve watched too much Law and Order.
yea, about renee zellweger … nah, i’d much rather talk about your site!
congrats, it’s totally the web equivalent of sewing your face back and still looking like yourself. nice job!
Thank you, Ebony! Now to see if Michelle can sew my face back.
I’m checking out the new site on my large screen and enjoying the playful features. Whee! It looks great but your voice still shines through and makes me laugh so that is the most important thing.
Thanks, Kristen! The best part about all those features is that I can change them any time I want. I can make the shrimp say different things, depending on my (or their) mood.
Glad you like.
Liking the new website, liking it a lot!, Zellweger, not so much, but you gotta do what you gotta do, and as long as she’s happy, that’s what matters.
Website looks beautiful on my iPad Mini, and I’m still (for a little while longer) still rocking the first gen without the Retina Display, I look forward to browsing it on my iPhone 5S.
Hope you’re happy with the new design as you seem to be, great job!
What’s it like wearing you as a skin suit?, gross to think about but fun I imagine…
Thank you kindly, Kyle!
Confession: I still have an iPhone 4. I told Michelle that the site wasn’t looking perfect on iPhone, and then she pointed out that maybe that’s because I have the Flintstones iPhone. Not in those words, because she’s nicer.
Um. Yeah. Renee. Double-you tee eff, as the kids say. She no longer looks like Renee Z. Or even like someone trying to look LIKE Renee Z. She’d be better off trying to wear you as a skin suit. Or at least reading your blog.
It’s true! How are those crazy ladies who get plastic surgery to look like celebrities supposed to keep up? Which version do they ask for, down in South America where the doctors will do anything you ask?
Ok, this sucks! No, not your new site–the fact that I don’t have a desktop or a laptop to get to so that I can take the complete, new, upgraded, Talking Shrimp journey!
I only have my iPhone!
If I weren’t in the south of France right now, drinking a shitload of wine, I’d be really pissed! But since I am, I’m only moderately pissed.
I do like the paired-downed mini-me experience though. Only, I feel like it might be a bit like that Kit Kat bar that we chatted about. It’s teasing me, but not fulfilling me.
Congrats Laura! Change is good. It keeps us young. Maybe someone should have told that to Renee…
Also…since I’m 5 hours ahead, does that technically make me the first? My math sucks, and I like things to work in my favor, so I’m going to pretend that it does.
It’s like I’m posting from the future.
No one told me that change keeps you young! If that’s true, I guess I’ll accept more of it. Beats taking those horse-pill vitamins that smell like caca.
I’m fine with you enjoying my site in miniature with your wine and your bouillabaisse. The big version will be a nice comfort when you have to return to taco salads.
You may not be the earliest poster, but you were the first to post from Europe or an evening time.
Yay! Happy Day Laura! Yes I am seeing you and your webby go back and forth, can’t wait to experience all the shiny new objects. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Look Out….. (ducking down fast, ouch my neck is all twisty) One of your shinys just went flying over my head. lol
Glad you made some newness for us. Still love your emails, and your site and most of all your copy. #3laurafan (i figure there have to be two others who would be more miffed than me at not being #1 or #2. I don’t miff easily)
Miffless, Rick xxoo
You’re Number 3! You’re Number 3!
That’s mighty generous of you to take the third fan spot. You’re right, my parents will probably want to claim spots 1 and 2. But you commented before they did, so…
Thanks for admiring all the shiny stuff, Miffless Rick!
xoxo
I love Smartello. I don’t know her, but I love her and I LOVE what she’s made for the Shrimp.
Super glam for my super glam friend.
Best bday gift ever (other than a Sephora/Sewhora gift certificate – ahem!).
AMAZING – I just keep clicking on everything so that’s surely going to mess up your analytics!
Also, The Fact of Life videos!! YES!!!
Thank you, my equally glam friend.
You’re right, any present is second to a Sephora gift card. That’s firmly on top.
And if you’re the only one who watches the Facts of Life videos, they were worth putting on the site.
Looks fan-freaking-tastic!
Congrats on the fresh new look (and smell) . . .
Thanks so much, Russ. Glad you came over for a whiff.
Nice job! I hope I don’t end up reading about a certain nameless Chatty Crustacean on Clients From Hell. I’m sure I won’t, actually. Must feel good to have gotten through this, though. Living through renovations, physical or virtual, is hard.
Not a chance 😉 Laura was a delight to work with and is just too much fun to talk to on the phone. Loved the whole process and glad you’re all enjoying the fruits of our labor.
Just being a little silly because I love following CFH. It’s not at all surprising that Laura was great to work with – how could she be anything but?
I’m so used to Facebook I don’t know how to show appreciation anymore. Thanks, ladies!
You know, Cuz, I’ve heard of this site and never explored. Dare I? I think it could be a black hole I’d never emerge from. But I’m comfortable with that.
Nice job, Laura. Very clean, fresh, easy to use. I like it!
Rick
Thanks so much, Rick!
I love your new site! That’s all…
Thanks, Hannah! That’s enough for me. 🙂
I told all of my friends to go to your site. I wanted them to marvel at the ease of navigation, the sexy fonts, and the witty copy. I can’t unsend the emails, so I am forced to agree with whatever you have done to the site. The ship has sailed. The bird has flown. The tub is dirty.
Thus I follow, blindly. Both my friends will do the same.
I’m down with whatever, as long as the logo and header maintains warm shades of orange and pink and that color in between that I can’t remember, so I will call it bloody burgundy.
I like the big fonts. It’s no wonder that grandparents show lots of love for the writing of 7 year-old, and tepid congratulations for dissertations that took 7-years. You can’t love what you can’t read.
This is the most I time I spend on any other website. Other than the Google. And Facebook. And anything else that has a veiled promise of pornography.
Keep up the good work.
sGB
Now why would you want to call back that sailed ship? Navigation is easier than ever! And that’s right, the font is a dream for us olds. Next round, I’ll spring for a premium font called 7th Grade Sans.
Thank you for sending your 2 friends here and putting your credibility on the line.
I just wanted to be the first person to make a comment on your new website.
Congratulations.
Other than that, I have nothing.
Darn it, I wasn’t the first.
Thanks, Bruce! I like you third as much as I like you first. Wait. You have nothing to say about Renee Zellweger’s face?
I usually avoid commenting on topics that Russell Brand has already commented on. Or topics upon which generic people on Facebook have expressed their opinions. That said (which is a horrible, modern day cliche that constantly fall victim to writing and saying), I think you totally nailed it on the subject of Ms. Zellweger’s face. Although it might be more accurate to describe her former face as one which is squinting while looking at an eclipse and simultaneously eating a raw lemon.
Also, please get rid of the annoying pop-up ad. Or at least make it far less intrusive.
It would also be a nice feature to allow users to edit the typos from their comments after posting them. That way the above comment would say “that I constantly fall victim etc.”
You don’t think you have more to say than Russel Brand? But I agree, I usually don’t go near topics “those” people are all talking about. However, I didn’t think anyone had gotten this one right.
As for the popup, it shouldn’t bother you again on that browser. I think it’s only set to pop up for first time visitors. Popups suck, but they work!
I don’t think there’s any setting to allow editing in comments. Will look into it, though.
NICE !
Thanks, Joanne. Love your avatar!
Hi Laura!
Congrats on the (somewhat) new site! Love that it’s responsive since I usually read your posts via my iPhone.
I did a belly laugh at the Renee Z. comment. She’s definitely “a piece of work” these days. Bless her, and you too!
P.S. I believe Job WAS a web designer/coder of sorts..
Thanks, Christine!
You know, they should do an Old Testament reboot wit Job as a small-biz website programmer.