It’s my birthday!
For the occasion, I will answer your top birthday FAQs. Thanks for asking!
Any big plans for tonight? Birthday party?
Just dinner out, which is fine by me. If I had a party, I’d spend weeks worrying that I can’t not invite you, but if I do, will you mix with my other friends? Or will I have to spend the whole evening essentially babysitting you, because you have Stranger Danger and don’t know how to introduce yourself to new people? That’s not how I want to spend my birthday.
I also don’t want to spend it running around Party City wondering if I should get plain plastic plates, or a fun color, and then not having time to get a pedicure. I liked birthday parties when I was a kid, because I just invited the whole class and my mother did everything, including put together goody bags with rubber finger puppets in them.
Any other childhood birthday memories?
I remember thinking it was shameful to smile while people sang Happy Birthday to me. I’d endure it with the straightest face possible, repeating the mantra “don’t smile, don’t smile, don’t smile” in my head.
I don’t know where I got the idea that only losers smile during Happy Birthday, but you’d think I was raised by religious fanatics with starched undergarments and strange head-coverings who said “The child who smiles while attention is upon her will burn in eternal flames.”
What do you want for your birthday?
Nothing! Seriously, no more things. What I really want, is for you to take away all the things I hate but can’t get rid. Because, like, I need those bad jeans that are so 2007 in case we decide to paint our apartment ourselves and I have to wear clothes I don’t like anymore. That will never happen, but I wouldn’t feel safe without several pairs of really bad jeans in the closet.
OK, I’d also like an alarmingly warm winter.
How does it feel to be 45?
Oh, gee, thanks – tell the world, why don’t you?
Well, it feels just like 42, 43 and 44 but maybe different from 40 and 41, and absurdly different from my 20s and 30s.
Up to a certain age, you think age is something that happens to other people, and why don’t they fight it? I used to see ads for “age-defying moisture” and “fine line vanishers” on TV and wonder, “Who NEEDS that? Why don’t they do what I do and just NOT FUCKING WRINKLE?” It seemed as simple as making up one’s mind not to go along with aging, like aging was a new jeans trend. “Skinny jeans, not a good look on me, I’m not doing it.”
As I’ve already noted, skinny jeans happened to pretty much everyone, and so does age. And once it does a little bit, like when, in the reflection of your iPad, you see horrifying loose skin on your neck you’d never intended to have, you realize it’s all going to happen. All of it. You have to start paying attention to formerly irrelevant words like “crepe-y,” and you mentally prepare yourself for the inevitable. And by that I mean the final event: enlarged nose and ears.
I can’t deny it anymore! My nose and ears are going to grow to the size of potatoes.
Not fingerlings – the big ones. Oh, dear god, my nose is going to have eyes! And then, sprouts coming out of them like the ones in the very back of the shelf at Citarella!
All my life I’ve asked, “Why do older women all do plastic surgery and get that pinched, tiny nose?” Because potatoes, that’s why.
For me, 45 is the age where I see it coming.
I think I’ll never get the Marlo Thomas nose, but I also know now that everything I think won’t happen probably will.
It’s the age where I understand that I can’t say “I’m old” like I did at 35, because one day I’ll look back at 45 as so-young-and-why-didn’t-I-know-it.
I’m no longer smug when someone is older than I am. I used to feel bad for Samantha on Sex and the City because she was so much older (and of course hornier) than I’d ever be.
Now I get that — assuming all goes well — 50 will come, and so will 60, and so will 85, and I’ll roll my eyes when someone who’s 80 says “damn I’m old.”
Does that sound like a downer? It’s not. What I’m saying is, I feel young because I know in future retrospect, I am.
Is there anyone you’d like to wish a happy birthday to?
Funny you should ask. This year is also Sesame Street’s 45th birthday. Or birthyear. (I hope Bert doesn’t get an old-lady nose job.) And oh look, there I am in the opening! I posted this on my and Sesame’s 40th, but that was a long time ago. My nose was smaller.
I’m in the red jumpsuit. If you want to see what my face looked like when people sang Happy Birthday, this is it.
Click on the image to play the video.
[video_lightbox_vimeo5 video_id=82472172 width=640 height=480 anchor=https://www.talkingshrimp.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/sesame-street-screen-shot.png]
Now you.
What does your age feel like?
Did you ever try not to smile during Happy Birthday?
What do you want for your birthday?
Is it weird that I think so much about jeans?
Do you have any questions about my birthday that I didn’t answer?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
Happy Belated Birthday Laura!
How adorable you were on Sesame Street. You were a star early, and continue to be.
Age when linked with marketing can be oh so scary. My suggestion, avoid marketing mirrors. Get a skinny mirror that makes you look young. That may be called Photoshop.
I’m 39. Two days ago I saw something that said “over the hill” on it and this engaging conversation with myself ensued.
Me: Wait, over the hill that happens at 50 right? Mid-life. Don’t we all live to 100 now? Therefor 50 would be mid-life, top of the hill, and then the decline.
Rational me: No. Over the hill is 40. it’s always been 40 and everyone knows that and so do you.
Me: They should totally change that as life expectancy changes. It’s not fair to just keep it where it is when we all live so much longer. Wait, wait, wait, this is also when mid-life crises happen! Right? 40, no that has to be 50!
Rational me: Mid-life crises are typical at 40 too. It all happens at 40.
Me and Rational Me: Oh my god, I’m totally having a mid-life crises! It’s happening right now. At the totally appropriate, inappropriate time. So my sudden interest and passion for ceramics isn’t just because I like it and think it’s fun? And my kinda secret desire to have one of those lady mohawks might be attributed to the hill that I’m nearly over?
Me: If I don’t make any choices that could be perceived as crazy, then I’m not having a mid-life crises, which means none of this is happening.
Rational me: It is happening, so you might as well quit everything you are doing and become a bohemian ceramic artist with a mohawk.
Happy Birthday Laura! Since you share a birthday with my Mom, of course you’re amazing because she definitely is. So 45, huh? Welcome, my friend. Welcome. It’s not so bad (until you have to tell the young physician’s assistant at your doctor’s office, who’s all of 22 with skin like a beautiful fairy’s). As for those wrinkle creams, they don’t work!!! Don’t fall for the banana in the tailpipe, Laura! They don’t work!!!
I am duly impressed that you were in the opening credits of Sesame Street! I remember that fondly and always wished I could get to Sesame Street, but apparently you beat me to it. Damn you!
Enjoy 45 and keep these posts coming. I love them!!
What does your age feel like? LIKE I’M FINALLY THE CORRECT AGE (36) FOR MY NOSE
Did you ever try not to smile during Happy Birthday? YES: I SULKED. A LOT. THERE WAS ALWAYS A CHRISTMAS TREE COMPETING.
What do you want for your birthday? ETCHING PRESS. SNOWBOARDING/NAKED SPA WEEKEND.
Is it weird that I think so much about jeans? YES. FREAK. (ALTHOUGH IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD, JEANS WERE BASICALLY HARD CURRENCY BEFORE THE 1990s)
Do you have any questions about my birthday that I didn’t answer? DID YOU PLAY HARDCORE PASS-THE-PARCEL or WIMPY (PRIZE-IN-EVERY-LAYER) PASS THE PARCEL WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?
H A P P Y ❤️ B I R T H D A Y !!!!!
Welcome to the 45 club. Some days it sucks and some days it doesn’t suck. Pretty much like every other age I’ve been.
I did look at a picture of me taken today and the first thought was, “Look at my fucking chin!!” (Creepy crepey) But that’s what the trash icon on my phone is for. It was specifically designed for shitty pictures. Remember the day when you’d take a roll of film and not get one good pic out of it? Those days are gone! Hello digital. I still don’t understand why people post shitty pics. There’s a built in edit feature people!! AND a trash icon if you just can’t seem to filter yourself to perfection.
The Sesame Street video is classic! Thanks for sharing.
Also, you could totally invite me to your party. I actually hate parties, but since I’m not a social reject, I’m pretty sure I could hang on my own– and as a bonus, may not even embarrass you. But don’t count on that last part.
Now. Go out and party like you’re 44.
Thanks, Lane! You are invited to my next party.
To me, the perfect party is dinner for 6 people.
Or, a dj playing 90s hip hop and house, and I’m wearing sweats and don’t have a handbag.
If I don’t get a good night’s sleep again, tomorrow will be one of the sucky 45 days. My friend Gina said to get lavender oil and rub it on my pillow and feet. I’ll try anything. xoxo
Because sisters: http://www.sesamestreet.org/videos?video=1d0c5eb7-155b-11dd-a62f-919b98326687
WHAT! WHAT! This is amazing. We have been living completely parallel lives. (Well, almost parallel – your clip TOTALLY trumps my clip.) Next you’ll tell me you went to Quaker naked camp.
45 years old! I think you should celebrate the right way! Call up Khyle Deen (he’s 22) and well, you get my drift……have a great birthday. Medicine will have it all figured out by the time we get to the age of discounts on bus fare.
Khyle might suspect I’m using him for his jeans collection.
Thanks for the wishes, Doug.
I hope the medical advances will be so great that we don’t even need to take the bus, which, at any fare, is for old people.
I’ll be 57 in November, Laura, and I think I will always be older than you. I could have been your young, teenage father, but I wouldn’t want to take that honor away from David. Hope your day is a happy one.
Jan, my dad would gladly have let you be the young, teenage father. His role was/is “late-in-life Dad.” You could’ve been the dad who took me to Madonna concerts.
57. How’s that feel?
xo
Happy Birthday!
I’m 22, it feels weird knowing I’m getting older, I’ll be 23, then 24 then 25, crazy, the years go by so fast, like slow down!, let me enjoy time!, but nope, whizzing by so fast, it’s too much make it stop!
I’m not a big fan of people singing Happy Birthday, I just feel it’s awkward and I’m like err yeah thanks, awkwardly smiling, is that just me?
For my 23rd on May 6th, I don’t even know what I want, I just want to be happier and in a good place, which is where I will be!
I only own jeans so no it’s not weird at all, I’m always thinking about how I need new pairs, birthday gift idea?, maybe Christmas.
Have a brilliant day!
Thanks, Khyle!
For your 23rd you should ask for shirts and shoes to go with the jeans!
But I hope you get the happiness part, too.
20s are weird.