Warning. STAY INSIDE!
That’s what I like to hear in winter. “Going out of doors may cause frostbite, which leads to amputation.” Otherwise, I spend the weekend like I did this one, feeling like it’s too cold and snowy to leave the house but being proved wrong and lazy by people outside my window who are throwing snowballs, walking around without hats, and shouting with joy.
Unless you’re on government-recommended or at least Al-Roker-recommended lockdown, it’s a gross feeling to sit all day with the laptop scorching your legs through your sweatpants, half reading, half watching “Love it or List it” on HGTV, and half thinking about having more of the half a chocolate cake that’s still in the fridge, loosely covered by saran wrap for way-too-easy access. There’s also some whipped cream left in the can. Got half a mind to eat that on its own.
How many halves is that? Doesn’t matter, the math of attention (and the math of calories in vs calories out) is all screwed up when you’ve made up your mind that you shouldn’t leave the house.
I need to believe that going outside could’ve cost me my nose or my fingers. Please don’t contradict me.
Now you.
Did you leave the house this weekend? If so, why? Don’t you know it was very, very dangerous?
You probably live somewhere warm, like San Diego. Excused.
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
I’ve got all that. A subtropical mac pro, too many tabs open, and a stash of trail mix. Now I just need me some chocolate cake…
Winter time.
If I ran everything – which is in the works – then we would take a cue from the animal world, bundle up and not leave our homes for three months.
Food and supplies provided of course, especially cake. Lots of cake.
I know it could work. Working on the logistics as we speak.
This time of year I am fortunate if I can get out of bed and finish one thing on my expanding list of to do’s. I awaken and before my feet hit the slippers I feel the strong and impressive slumbery fingers of hibernation wrap around me. “Come back to bed my friend” – they seem to say.
Not sure how fingers actually whisper – but roll with me here.
They share stories of all the other animals that just sign off, stumbling into a cave for the cold time. Makes so much sense. Darn bears.
I barely did anything this weekend. House of Cards broke me in this particular instance. Binge viewing is the friendly awesome cousin of hibernation. We bow to it, even as we curse its name.
So I deeply sympathize with you brave Laura. You help us all by sharing your woe.
But I say love your self imposed house arrest. Enjoy that cake slathered in too much whipped cream. Go ahead and order take out – or even groceries. Embrace your winter solitude!
Be a leader for us all. Show us the way of embracing the sweats and snuggly blankets. Be our champion for all interior activities, as the winds and snow flurry outside. Be our light, especially when daylight savings hits again.
We will follow. I promise.
Ok – gotta go. The chocolate is just the right temperature in the tub – so can’t keep the muse waiting.
Good luck….
I trudged through the snow last night to see The Juliana Hatfield Three at The Bowery Ballroom. The band opening for them, Potty Mouth, was scheduled to go on promptly at 9PM. So I removed myself from the cushy leather sofa in the downstairs lounge and made my way to a position close to the stage a 8:55. Minutes passed and nothing was happening. The stage had two microphones set up for vocalists and in the center was a mic aimed low enough to capture the sounds of someone’s foot. This did not look good. At 9:40, a few harrowed young women came through the door lugging guitars, amplifiers and drums. Jeez, I thought, now I have to wait lord knows how long for the instruments to be set up and tuned and plugged into various filtering devices etc. etc. Miraculously they were ready to perform at 10:05. I suspected the weather was a factor but I was more sympathetic when they mentioned that they were coming from New Hampshire and that driving through this weather could be described as “the slow and the furious.”
Haha loved this Laura!
Living in Australia means winter is pretty fab (sorry) but we melt in summer so that evens it out right?
That does NOT even it out. I have no problem with melting. It’s a sensation I can get with.
So wait, I knew that our winter was your summer, but your winter is also your summer? Are you telling me it’s all nice?
Winter still gets cold enough to get out the hoodie and track pants. And maybe a hot water bottle if it’s really chilly. No snow where I live though!
Melting is gross. You can have that 🙂
Laura I know exactly what you mean about the sticky hot feeling of sitting with your laptop on your thighs for too long. And also about not leaving the house in winter, although I’m in Texas, so the cold weather excuse doesn’t hold up quite as well.
I DO have the “spotty WIFI” excuse. When I have serious work to do, I can’t risk leaving the house and using spotty WIFI. I’ll just stay home with my trail mix.
Thank you, Randle. Do you have a macbook pro? Because there is nothing hotter on this earth, not even lava, than a macbook pro with more than one browser window open. The thing turns my legs into grilled cheese. And the heat’s on and I’m sweating and there’s no solution but to get up and use it on a desk, which is not a solution at all, because a desk is NOT the couch. And the couch is where it’s at.
Yes! The whirring fans of a Macbook pro can do nothing to tame its fire. And besides, I kind of have a tabs problem. It works like this: I open as many tabs as possible and don’t restart my browser until it crashes and the cycle starts over.
Why on earth don’t you purchase a laptop pillow desk for crying out loud? You can probably find one at Bed Bath and Beyond.
Was that San Diego comment directed at me???? Because…wait for it…it was actually RAINING here this weekend! Believe it.
Hope everything thaws out for you soon.
You’re welcome to come over and hang on my patio anytime. I make a mean margarita.
HOW did you know, Lane? Seriously, it was. Whenever I write about the hell of winter, I think gratefully of you, doing your best to understand and play along even though you’re in the land of bougainvillea and stucco.
Haha! Yes, bougainvillea and stucco. That’s us! Too funny!