“I feel so in my body,” says the dancer in leg warmers.
She’s stretching them, and her pointed toes, straight out in front of her — smack in the middle of the narrow hallway outside Studio 2, where I’ve just come out of my House dance class.
Sweat from my drenched t-shirt drips on her, which is fair because she positioned herself where I have to step over her.
These dancers!
If you’re so “in your body,” can’t you and your body, together, sense that you’re sprawled all over a footpath?
For people who display exquisite physical control when they execute a turn (while I spazz out across the floor and wobble like a jumbo egg wearing one high-heel shoe on an oil slick on a beanbag), these dancers have zero sense of where their trunks and limbs are placed.
Between classes, they nap spread-eagled across the floor.
They sit and text underneath the drinking fountain.
They do splits in front of the bathroom door.
They take up the whole bench with their Hello Kitty belongings and healthy snacks.
Yesterday, I asked a dancer to please move his cucumbers.
But back to this phrase “in my body.” What does that mean?
It clearly doesn’t mean “understanding how my body relates to this space and allowing a clear path of egress in case of fire.” So, then, what?
I hear it all the time lately in the personal development space.
A lot of coaches say they’ll help you feel more “in your body.”
Are people excited for that? Do they pay for it? How come?
When are you NOT in your body?
When you’re “out of body”?
Is it when you float above yourself and pretend a horrible experience is happening to someone else?
That’s what I do when I’m with my dad at a restaurant and he insists on asking the waitress her name, first and last, where her parents are from, is she muslim, does she know she’s probably of Jewish origin, in fact he’s certain of it and can prove it by looking up her name on sephardim dot com, if only he knew how to get google on his iPhone, because AOL won’t let him, and could he please have more ice water?
While that’s going on, while my dad is costing a very patient waitress a night’s worth of tips from customers who are waiting for bread, I leave my body and watch from the ceiling.
So maybe that’s being not in your body.
Or maybe you’re not in your body when you’re watching yourself do weird shit and asking “who am I?”
Like me, in the late 90s, when I was dating a married salsa instructor, going to steel-door-enforced dance clubs in the South Bronx where people shot each other, and eating all my meals at Dallas BBQ.
Is that being not in your body?
Because generally, if you have a body, and you’re alive in there, you’re in your body. Right?
I can feel mine breathing. I can feel it walking. I can feel it stub its toe or bump into doorways. How do you get more in it than when you’re in it?
Why do you want to?
Maybe if I were more in it, I wouldn’t crash into stuff.
But I still don’t get that phrase. And I wouldn’t pay for it.
Now you.
Are you “in your body”?
Does that really mean anything?
What other popular phrases bug you right now?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
“authentic self” and
“______really resonates with me”
No. Stop. Now.
Then there are true out-of-body experiences, purposely induced (Monroe) or accidentally stumbled into. They are a different breed and actually give you a new perspective on your embodied experience (whether you’re “in your body” or just “in” your body).
So, an out of body experience can show you that the separation between people that bodies create is permeable. All our minds are swimming in the same soup. This is why sci-fi movies have often featured head-only creatures who are, presumably, more highly evolved.
If you’re of my generation (the 60s) and watch the Coen Bros movie Inside Llewyn Davis, the denseness and solidity of the physical world comes back to you like a thunderclap. Things that happened frequently enough back then–running out of gas, having to walk miles to find a pay phone, hitch hiking, even that big heavy record collection you lugged from apartment to apartment–have basically disappeared.
Hardly anyone runs out of gas anymore because filling stations are ubiquitous and don’t require the operator to have a full-service garage and attendants to gas up cars or check your oil or clean your windshield. Also, gas gauges are a lot more reliable than back then.
We don’t walk miles anymore, because we have cellphones which we’ve charged in the car. So we aren’t stuck walking or hitch hiking (which could take the better part of the day and involve getting wet and muddy).
And all those heavy, space-devouring LPs fit neatly into our iPod shuffle with room to spare.
So, in the beginning, you had to dial and pay through the nose to call long-distance. Then you could just push buttons. Then you could carry your phone. Then you didn’t have to pay for long distance. And then you could find friends whom you hadn’t seen for 55 years just by going on FB. It would’ve been nearly impossible for me to stumble upon Laura Belgray back in the day (which might have been good news for her!).
But now, a fore-fingered accident brought me here in seconds.
So a lot of the physical barriers of the physical world have melted away, and our bodies, being our personal contribution to that physical world, have become endangered species. Even optional if it weren’t that small matter of staying alive.
Hated Phrases:
1. “Namaste.” – b/c I don’t think most people are bowing to the divine when they say it.
2. “Out of you head and into your body.” – b/c the head is a body part.
In Hindi, though, please just use as “thank you.”
Sorry…”people just use it…”
Okay, Shrimp. Whether you’re in or out of your body right now, check this out. Thought of you immediately when I saw this.
(I won’t say this idea shoulda been yours, but…)
Oh, also, I can’t vouch for the content here, but the idea is, well, just really good.
http://copyhackers.com/2015/05/mad-men-copywriting-crash-course/?mc_cid=8d77ddc254&mc_eid=e043bda0c5
I am “one of those” as well.
I’ve been trained and worked as a body-centered psychotherapist for years.
I don’t lead with this, but I do help women get out of their heads and into their bodies.
Many stay stuck in “mind-chatter” which is really anxiety, self-judgment, worry, and lack of self-trust (among other things).
Many women are also disconnected from their bodies because it isn’t a safe place to be due to past trauma.
So really I believe being in your body is about calming the voices in your head, being in the present moment, trusting yourself, and learning to notice where you physically hold past emotional issues so they can be released.
I used to live in my head. My clients also used to live this way and honestly, we are all much much happier “in our bodies” now! 🙂
I have heard people comment that they are envious of their child being so “in their body,” which I guess means effortlessly comfortable. What do you think about the phrase ginormous. I kind of like it.
I’m down with ginormous. It works better than the alternative, which is “agnatic.”
My nephew is 5, and I have a feeling he’s every bit as much in his head as I am.
Phrases that are played out include but are not limited to:
“Helping you align…” or “Getting in alignment with…” because nobody really knows what that means except the people who use it.
I also cringe whenever I hear “awesome-sauce” and “amazeballs” from an adult. Especially an adult that is selling me something. STOP. Just…ew. Stop.
Oh God, Carisa, don’t even get me started with that alignment shit. Everyone’s language is aligned with being utterly unoriginal, that’s what I have to say.
“I help powerful women get aligned with their core values by stepping into their authentic femininity.” C’mon. Everyone’s got the same shit, at least put it in a different handbag.
Well, as long as we’re dumping on clichés we can’t stand, how about:
“It’s my passion to (fill in).”
Just click on any “about” page, and you’ll find this one.
Isn’t there an old pop song that starts like that?
Being a member of the tribe is better than this old saw, no?
“Needless to say”….
If it were so needless, why efing say it then?!
I wonder who started that. It is self-defeating, isn’t it?
Yes – I’m in my body – and I know it since I have to lug it around with me wherever I go. Hmm, maybe that’s why I spend so much time sitting in front of the computer! Aha! moment! The only time I feel out of body is when I’m dreaming – love those moments!
I agree that “Tribe” is ridiculous and I’m a Crow! Not native american Crow but it is my last name. I’ve also been seeing and hearing “real-life” too often – really? as opposed to “fake-life”? Oh, I’m really tired of seeing Digital Nomad. I am a virtual worker but that doesn’t make me a Nomad! Granted, I could travel and work but I don’t. When I travel I’m playing and not working! Nomad makes me think of someone wandering the dessert looking for water.
At least we’ve moved away from Paradigm Shift and Thinking Out of the Box! Did I just show my age?
Thanks for the vent session!
Digital Nomad sounds so unappealing! Who wants to schlep a bunch of stuff everywhere, which is what nomads do? Digital luxury dweller, that sounds more my style.
I generally feel like being in ones body is a good thing. There is this notion of “presence” that comes to mind. Though I do cringe at the new agey tag line about it. Like some women are “more in their bodies” or I’ve read how some men can just TELL. I call bullshit here. It just adds more to women’s plates
Was also listening to a really smart lady talk about charisma and she said if you are talking to someone, the person can tell if you become distracted. Charismatic people make you feel like you’re the only person in the room. She suggested concentrating on your toes here and there. But not too often.
I’m having an out of body experience with all the Hollywood hub bub regarding women filmmakers. I feel heady. Like I can’t concentrate. And I want to write more but I’m fixated on this topic. Heel requirement at Cannes. ACLU and women directors. #GOT took it too far on Sunday.
All THAT has taken me right out of my body!
I also have known many dancers like you talked about. Which I loved that about them.
Oy somehow this posted before I intended. I was calling bullshit on being able to tell if a woman is “in her body.” Just worry about your own body. I’ll worry about mine.
Honestly, I think more men are out of their bodies than women.
I’m fascinated by charisma. I love people who make me feel that way. If being in my body could make me like that, I’ll get more in it! Toes, huh?
No Jews are in their bodies. So you start out out of your body and have to work your way in by going to classes like these.
If you’re out of your body AND out of your mind, oh boy!
Basically, it means…being present. Your body, unlike your mind, is always “here,” wherever here is. Second by second. Your mind can float anywhere, but not your body (unfortunately).
Those dancers aren’t in their bodies, they’re in their egos, which is a part that’s bigger, less healthy and more overworked than their brains.
“Please notice my extension…my turnout…my dedication that blocks out the rest of the world…and why, exactly, are you in here, anyway? Pardon my Chardon,” as the commercial used to say.
If only Jews could float their bodies anywhere, there’d be a lot more of us left!
Afraid I don’t have anything hideously profound or insightful to add to the discussion. I just had to once again express my awe and amazement at how well you write. I don’t know how much time and thought you pour into each one of these posts but you make it all seem so effortless. (In contrast, it took me approximately 2.3 hours just to write this paragraph.)
I love how you are able to make the English language your boot-licking submissive, bending it and shaping it to do your unholy bidding.
Hell, even your emails kick ass.
I stand before you duly humbled, trembling uncontrollably with a strange mixture of admiration and envy (or am I just having a seizure?).
Anyway, I don’t want to hijack the discussion. Just had to put it out there.
Well Tom, you both made my day and showed that English gladly licks your boots, too. And submits to your whip and asks for more.
You are a welcome hijacker. Come by any time.
I am sorry. Coaching in general bothers me right now. It seems like everyone I know is a life coach, and many of them are trying to get me to sign up for a free session so they can sell me a set of sessions. Do I seem like I need a coach that badly? Am I sucking at life that bad? I actually feel pretty freaking amazing about my life and it’s trajectory. I’m sorry. I’m going to sit this one out coach. I think I will manage on my own. 🙂
It’s what they used to say–incorrectly–about teaching…
If you don’t have a life, be a life coach! It’s much easier than doing the work yourself.
Plus, when you become a life coach, everyone will ASSUME you MUST have a fabulous life because you know so much about life.
I’m with you 100%.
It’s true, Rene. Everyone IS a coach. Or a coach for coaches. Then again, I’m behind them giving out the free sessions. Gotta start somewhere. And I’m a fan of samples.
My beef with how many life coaches there are out there is that so many of them gave up on something else (their art, their writing, their ____ ) because being a coach seemed easier or more lucrative, and now they’re promising they’ll help you make a living doing your art, your writing, your ____.
A phrase, actually a word, that bugs the shit out of me right now is “tribe.” When did we all become American Indians? Everyone talks about their tribe.
I don’t have a tribe. Does that make me less than? Should I be shopping for a headdress? If so, you can find me and my tribe in Nordstrom’s hat department.
Tribe-Free and Proud
That one has been bugging me for 5 years! I love Seth Godin, but he created a cliche monster. Now that you hate it too, though, I feel like I have a tribe.
lol! Yes, we’ll have our own Anti-Tribe. But we can’t meet because that would make a real tribe…
Linda, all I could do was scream, YES, YES, YES! Actually, I mean NO, NO, NO! No, I am NOT buying into the ‘tribe’ thing. I was just saying almost the identical thing the other day. It’s kind of weird, which is weird for me to say that, because I like weird. I tell my kids all the time, “Who likes being normal?” So, I love weird. That weird is on the planet Zortron with hairy, big-bottom, 10-eyed aliens who wear their pants down to their knees singing 99 Bottles of Beer on The Wall all day long. Nobody wants to see or hear that.
Natasha, I think I’ve been to that planet. Or maybe I’m thinking of Brooklyn.
Love this question because I am one of those people. When I say I help women get out of their heads and into their bodies it means I help them tap into their senses and feelings for feedback as opposed to being stuck in their heads thinking about things all the time, overanalyzing (much like you admitted to in the email you sent this blog in referring to Mad Men and other things), or torturing themselves with negative thoughts that aren’t true.
Committed Impulse is a great example of a practice that gets you in your body – when Josh asks where we feel things, he brings attention to sensations versus the limited awareness of only thinking about situations.
Make sense?
I knew you’d have a sensible answer, Liz Dialto! “Out of your head” makes sense to me. Although I don’t think Mad Men can be overanalyzed. 🙂
After having just spent a weekend with Liz, I can attest to this ability. I’m always in my head and now it’s moved slightly south a bit. More heart and guts and less mind.
Also, WE HAVE THE SAME DAD. Except add to that list a long and rambling joke for which he forgets the punch line. It’s. The. Best.
Dialto is magic, so I believe that.
And now it’s confirmed that we have the same dad. I’d even started to write that part about the long, punchline-less joke, and decided to save it for father’s day!
Liz – I was reading this post and thinking – is Liz reading this post? She should be reading this post? Where is Liz?
And then I realized – I’m never in my body.
Laura – perhaps we should start a body-less support group.
Who’s with me?
xoxo
Licia, I am totally in my disembodied head.
you twoooooooo!
What is this: “I don’t this Mad Men can be overanalyzed” again! Are you saying that it doesn’t go too deep or are you saying it goes WAY deep and you can keep on analyzing it. It’s like the instruction manual at the nuclear plant, saying: In an emergency, you can never put too much water in to cool the system (I think that’s from SNL).
I’m saying that it bears infinite analysis. There’s not one stray moment in it. Everything means something. AND you can never put too much water in it.
Agreed! ‘Out of Head’ sounds perfect, very yoga-esque. ‘In my head’ is a whole other matter.
When I’m practising yoga poses I’d rather be ‘In my body’ than ‘In my head’, the latter makes me wish I was eating ice cream or watching Mad Men instead.