“I didn’t know you were back.”
My mom is always a little hurt when she finds out I’ve been back a few days from a trip and haven’t told her.
But back isn’t really “back.”
Sometimes there’s jet lag.
Sometimes there’s a post-vacation “I don’t want to deal with the reality that my life can’t all be vacation” phase.
And sometimes, another layer: If I went somewhere to speak or teach, like I did in Hawaii last week, there’s a nervousness hangover.
The “I did it” feeling is great, but it comes with a side of “Please leave me alone, I did something scary and now I need to lie in front of a Bravo show with dead eyes and a tub of wasabi peas.”
Plus, on the front end, there’s all the buildup. The weeks of lesson prepping, or at least freaking out about prepping (because, let’s be real, I only touch my powerpoint slides in the final week), the eyelash touchup, the haircut, the pedicure, the packing, the thinking about packing. And crap, getting my favorite no-wrinkle top to the dry cleaner.
That’s why I lie.
I try not to lie to people.
If you ask me directly what day I leave and when I get back, I’ll tell you the real dates.
But I always lie to my calendar.
On either side of any big, uncomfortable commitment, I add at least a day. Sometimes several.
If the trip or event is Friday to Friday, I may block out Thursday to Monday on the calendar.
I block the actual days I’ll be away — so I know when my flights are, handy info — and add several days on either side marked “BUFFER.”
This time, I blocked out an extra large buffer, because I had a big podcast interview right after the trip. This podcast sticks to a rigid daily format, and I had to have prepared answers. That meant freaking out about prepping, pretending to myself that I’d prep on the flight home, actual prepping, and then an extra nervousness hangover after the interview was over.
I’m still feeling the “not sure how smart I sounded” adrenaline tingle.
Haven’t kicked my jet lag yet, either. Maui, your time difference is nuts.
You know that diagram that shows how all the magic happens outside of your comfort zone? Here’s what it should look like:
Oh, in case you’re wondering:
Yes, I crushed it teaching (I think). It was a great group. They loved my content and they laughed, which is all I want from life.
That all goes in the little sliver of magic outside the “hit by a truck” circle.
Now you.
Do you have to build in a buffer before and after just about anything outside your normal routine?
How much do you HATE leaving your comfort zone? Riiiiight?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
OMG – do you make yourself laugh out loud when you write? You’re SO funny, engaging, and entertaining. I’ve bought a bunch of your stuff and love it. I’ve ordered your book — can’t wait to read it!
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I thought that was just me. Now I’ll schedule in the BUFFER with gusto
I thought I was the only one! I never could understand those people would come straight to the office from the airport especially when there was no real emergency that required it. I always take one more day, if I could get away with it. Glad to know that I’m not the only one. (And that’s my comfort zone – to be alone. – Love your diagram!)
I think it’s an introvert thing, when introverts have to act like extroverts. It’s exhausting and draining beyond belief. I get like that and worse.
I had to go to Vegas for two days in April. In the days leading up to my departure I called a bunch of old friends, in a “this may be the last time you ever hear from me” conversation. After the trip I won’t call them again for another two years.
And keep in mind this was a 45 minute flight. It doesn’t matter. Every time i get on a plane I feel as if I need to get my affairs in order.
I heard you on a recent podcast and you were amazing. So know that your anxiety and worries never show. It’s all between you and your calendar :).
YES! Laura. This is so wonderful to do for yourself. I do the exact same thing. I refuse to go right back to work the day after a big trip or event. I call it “being nice to myself”! The me of the past would jump right back in but I need that “pad time” to return back to normal and get back to business. I’m so glad you wrote this and crushed your speaking event – naturally
I feel like I got away with something when I do it, too! The empty calendar day makes me so happy.
So thiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is why I haven’t been able to do a damn thing this week!
I. Get. It. Now. And just to prove to myself that I do, I’m going to clear my calendar for another two days and hit the grocery store up for some coconut ice cream to bathe in as I binge watch the last season of Game of Thrones.
Thanks lady!
APPROVE! Now I wish someone could help me like GOT. I want so much to like it. Something’s wrong.
I’m so grateful you posted this. I wish I had a better understanding of how other entrepreneurs structure their schedule. Because this is almost exactly how I do it too. And not just with travel. With anything. I am 100% incapable of doing more than one big thing per day. If that thing means going to the doctor, I have to take the whole day off work. Forget traveling. I’m like you, I desperately need buffer days. I’m just really bad about sticking to them and will be dumb EVERY TIME about saying yes to work the day after I travel. And then I’m miserable and my poor husband has to take care of me. WHEN WILL I LEARN??!
ESPECIALLY THE GYNO! I’m the same, I need the whole day off. I can’t schedule anything else when “DR APPT” is on my calendar.
I also don’t understand how other entrepreneurs do it. I’m not biologically built for business. I’m built for bon bons.
Thank you Lula. And thank you Laura for diagnosing my Nervousness hangover – thought I was the only one who had the affliction, didn’t have a name for it, now I do! And yes, my buffer zones are serious business, I kind of invert (which is mute, zombie-like, blobbing-about behaviour).
The way I invert during the Nervousness Hangover, you’d think someone died. I can’t function.
Yes I need a buffer! It was nice to read this after I practiced my webinar to a live audience (of 1) yesterday… and then watched the entire first season of The Returned and didn’t shower.
I need to take a day off every time I even think about doing a webinar. Yay for you for practicing!
Must have buffer. Even several minutes helps for smaller things. Like I can’t do anything 10 minutes before an important conference call. Mini-buffer.
Oh are you kidding? Half an hour.
Oh crap… all that to say – no shame in a buffer day, if and when you can. I know when I come off the stage at the end of a workshop day, I’m done. Toast. Fini.
I think it’s just proof that you’re leaving it all out there. Good on you.
OK – let me chime in just to bring a little testosterone around here. And seriously? Even the “Post Comment” button is pink. Speaking of Dick Pic…. Hang on… I have to check something…
Yup. It’s still there. Whew.
Anyway – it’s not just you, and it’s not just a ‘women power’ thing. It’s just that the fairer sex doesn’t like admitting that we get scared. And sometimes, quite frankly – just like you and the podcast interview – we don’t have the time.
I was watching TV last Sunday and I got a call – can you come to Ecuador? NOW? I had 20 minutes to pack a bag in order to leave for the airport on time. NO notes. NO powerpoint. And by the way – No Habla’ing any espanol. So what do you do? You just… do.
(As it turns out – I bought myself six hours because I was in the middle of laundry and I didn’t feel like packing a bag with six pairs of soaking wet boxer shorts and socks. It may work for some people… I’m pretty sure TSA would disapprove.)
But my point is – sometimes the best thing to do is simply… ‘do.’ There’s probably a really crappy cliche in here about eagles pushing their babies out of the nest.
Hey, for all I know, 30% of eagle babies die each year just because Mom is having a really pissy day and decides enough already. Admit it – you can see it.
Don’t be the dead bird under the nest. Just spread your arms and flap like hell… sometimes awesome things happen.
Wait. Where was woman power mentioned anywhere? Or woman anything? This was a fairly gender-neutral post, except for maybe watching Bravo.
And I agree, you’ve got to go for it. That’s why I say yes to the scary things and then deal with needing a major buffer.
I was there and YOU ROCKED IT!!!! I fucking loved every second of Maui except maybe the bit where I had to pay money – that was a bit shit. BUT I now know how to make lots & lots more (which was the whole point).
I should also add that you are an amazingness dancer with fabulous eyelashes and a great big heart (but I won’t tell anyone in case it’s a secret)
xo
AWWWWW! Sharon! I was so happy you were there. I felt like I had someone in my corner before I even got up there to teach. I know, that’s a hefty price tag. I wouldn’t love paying – I mean investing – it, either. But make it pay for itself like I know you can.
Thank you for the compliments. Eyelashes fake, heart real (but please don’t let that part get around). xo
Oh, yes! I do the exact same thing on my calendar. A 2 day weekend get-a-way turns into a 4 day clear-the-calendar event. Gotta have my buffer days!
Right? Way more economical to go away for 14 days, same buffer.
????
I love the image of dead eyes starring down bad TV after something scary. Been there! As far as your friend Lula, I gotta say I’m grateful you don’t write more. I LOVE your posts -yet I’m getting fed up with so many daily newsletters, blogs, etc.. I think you use (and share) your gifts wisely and beautifully.
Oh no! Mixed messages. Fine, now when I’m slacking off, I’ll tell myself I’m just being considerate of Adele. No more guilt!
Thank you.
Next stop: ITALY!
Choo chooo!
As you know, I’ll have missed you in Maui by two weeks. Yes, we can all agree that this lapse in planning on my part is coo coo bananas.
Also, I want to write coo coo bananas all the time now. It’s a phase we shall all have to suffer through.
Nextly, I’m so nervy about the time change. Truly. Was it worse going or coming back? I need a buffer on my calendar pronto. I feel like that means May work wise will be 2 weeks long.
I’ll take it!
So glad you rocked it! You rock everything. I need deets on the podcast. For reals. Your famey famous now. (Not that you weren’t before…)
Yours in Maui harmony,
Licia
AND OMG I DID THE YOUR?YOU’RE THING. I quit.
WAY worse coming back! Going there, as you know by now, you wake up a bit in the middle of the night. But coming back, you want to sleep all morning.
Yes!! Thank you for writing this and making me feel a little less weird. I sometimes get a bit frustrated with myself because I seem to stop functioning properly a day or so before the thing (trip, event, whatever) happens, and then take at least a day to get back in the groove. I hope you’re recovering nicely!
I want to know how some people can travel constantly for work and “hit the ground running.” I am not of that species.