Last Sunday’s Mad Men (best episode ever, maybe) had a scene in Benihana, where Don Draper notices his date using chopsticks and asks, with a raised eyebrow, “you know how to use those?”
What? Suave Don Draper can’t use chopsticks? He’s not easy to impress, so you know using chopsticks then must have been a sign of major worldliness.
I wish it were still like that. Now, everyone uses chopsticks. You’re a total goon if you eat any form of Asian food with silverware.
And that’s me. I’m that goon. I’m terrible with chopsticks. I realize now how much Steven liked me when we first went out, because on that second or third date at Blue Ribbon Sushi, he didn’t say a word as I asked for a knife and fork and then went at my hamachi roll like it was a porterhouse steak.
Now, he makes me practice with chopsticks. He says, no trip to Japan for me until I’m proficient. It’s not like there’s a plane outside waiting to whisk us off to Japan, but it’s still a good threat. He also says I’m not ready for the really good places in midtown where the Japanese businessmen go. The sushi there is supposed to a-MAY-zing.
So I try. But I suck. I can’t get a grip on anything. The sticks just roll around in my hand and miss each other at the bottom. It’s like that thing in the arcade where you put in a quarter and try to get a prize with the mechanical claw. Does anyone ever win anything from those machines?
Thing is, even if I were good at chopsticks, they wouldn’t do it for me – unless they made them with a serrated knife edge so you could use them for slicing. Sushi is too big and too expensive to shove in your mouth all at once. I like little bites. Big bites make your food disappear faster without giving any more enjoyment. And you know what happens when you try to bite a sushi roll in half. The only choice is to cram the whole thing in.
Who decided sushi rolls should be cut into six pieces and not twelve? Those sushi chefs get to use big, sharp knives. It seems unfair. I’d like them to try preparing it with chopsticks so they’d know what I’m up against.
At least I’m not alone. My sister’s on my team. We used to go for sushi and she’d bring a knife and fork in her purse. Plus, an extra set for me.
Very old-lady of her, and very awesome.
I guess neither of us gets to go to Japan. Or midtown. But maybe we can have sushi with Don Draper.
Go to japan and see that sushi isnt the same shit they sell in europe and america. Rolls are rare in japan. its fish over rice.
LB, you and your friend sandra baron are wrong. or only half right. it's not ok to eat sushi with your hands, it's only ok to eat specific maki and hand rolls with your fingers. why don't we go to Strip House and pick up the porterhouses and just tuck into them without silverware? you are still not off the hook, and kyoto is off the menu as of right now.
Oh you, don't you correct Sandra. She lives in Japan. And yes, let's go to Strip House and eat steak with our hands. MONGO WANT MEAT!
LB, you and your friend sandra baron are wrong. or only half right. it’s not ok to eat sushi with your hands, it’s only ok to eat specific maki and hand rolls with your fingers. why don’t we go to Strip House and pick up the porterhouses and just tuck into them without silverware? you are still not off the hook, and kyoto is off the menu as of right now.
Oh you, don’t you correct Sandra. She lives in Japan. And yes, let’s go to Strip House and eat steak with our hands. MONGO WANT MEAT!
Stop the presses – the traditional way to eat sushi is with your fingers. This is true.
Now get to booking that flight. I’d love to meet you!
I’d actually heard that, so I go for it. But it still needs cutting! Though I bet in Japan it’s not giant inside-out rolls like they do here.
I’m very excited to know (or at least internet-know) someone over there. I’d love to meet you too! Hey, what’s the best time of year to visit?
I’m getting you a pair of beautiful lacquered black chopsticks from Takashimaya. You can use them in your hair.
Know what’s sad? My hair can’t hold chopsticks, either. They slip right out.
But I’ll take a store credit. I love Takashimaya.
I can teach you how to use chopsticks in your hair. Maybe then you’ll get a trip to Japan?
If you really want to learn to use chopstick, practice on popcorn. It doesn't roll away from you and you can practice where on the chopstick you have the best grip (you might want to hold it closer to the eating end for better control). I learned in summer school in about 6th grade and there were no japanese places around lol. Great post and you are totally right about the sushi being too big for a single bite.
That's so smart! I'll try that. I don't want to give up. But I do want sushi chefs to rethink their methods.
Stop the presses – the traditional way to eat sushi is with your fingers. This is true.
Now get to booking that flight. I'd love to meet you!
I'd actually heard that, so I go for it. But it still needs cutting! Though I bet in Japan it's not giant inside-out rolls like they do here.
I'm very excited to know (or at least internet-know) someone over there. I'd love to meet you too! Hey, what's the best time of year to visit?
I'm glad to hear I am not alone on the use of chopsticks. I know how to use them, but I feel more comfortable with a fork.
(Also, glad to find another Mad Man fan)
I'm glad to hear I am not alone on the use of chopsticks. I know how to use them, but I feel more comfortable with a fork.
(Also, glad to find another Mad Man fan)
Another fork-user heard from! Let's start a revolution.
And yes, Mad Men rules.
Yes, I brought my own serrated, Dial-a-Steak knife. If I asked the waitress for a knife she'd bring a butter knife, which is just as useless as trying to cut the sushi with your teeth.
Never could figure out which was easier to cut–regular roll or inside-out roll.
Also never could figure out the point of the hand roll. Even fewer bites and usually the same price as a cut roll!
BTW, I also carry around my own Sugar In The Raw– a few packets in the purse, just in case.
You call it “old-lady.” I call it sensible dining.
P.S. That Don Draper– what a dreamboat! A regular Cary Grant!
I think maybe the inside-out roll is easier to cut, because the rice coating holds the seaweed together inside it. With regular way, you have to saw through the seaweed very gingerly. It's a technique few master. We should open a school.
I carry Splenda. It always opens in the bag, so all my bags have powdery inner pockets.
I'm getting you a pair of beautiful lacquered black chopsticks from Takashimaya. You can use them in your hair.
Know what's sad? My hair can't hold chopsticks, either. They slip right out.
But I'll take a store credit. I love Takashimaya.
I can teach you how to use chopsticks in your hair. Maybe then you'll get a trip to Japan?
If you really want to learn to use chopstick, practice on popcorn. It doesn’t roll away from you and you can practice where on the chopstick you have the best grip (you might want to hold it closer to the eating end for better control). I learned in summer school in about 6th grade and there were no japanese places around lol. Great post and you are totally right about the sushi being too big for a single bite.
That’s so smart! I’ll try that. I don’t want to give up. But I do want sushi chefs to rethink their methods.
I’m glad to hear I am not alone on the use of chopsticks. I know how to use them, but I feel more comfortable with a fork.
(Also, glad to find another Mad Man fan)
Another fork-user heard from! Let’s start a revolution.
And yes, Mad Men rules.
Yes, I brought my own serrated, Dial-a-Steak knife. If I asked the waitress for a knife she’d bring a butter knife, which is just as useless as trying to cut the sushi with your teeth.
Never could figure out which was easier to cut–regular roll or inside-out roll.
Also never could figure out the point of the hand roll. Even fewer bites and usually the same price as a cut roll!
BTW, I also carry around my own Sugar In The Raw– a few packets in the purse, just in case.
You call it “old-lady.” I call it sensible dining.
P.S. That Don Draper– what a dreamboat! A regular Cary Grant!
I think maybe the inside-out roll is easier to cut, because the rice coating holds the seaweed together inside it. With regular way, you have to saw through the seaweed very gingerly. It’s a technique few master. We should open a school.
I carry Splenda. It always opens in the bag, so all my bags have powdery inner pockets.
First-Using the name Don Draper will get you noticed everytime (I'm convinced that's the only reason a bigger blogger noticed my mom-and-no-pop-shop), second, you're all the more endearing for using chopsticks, especially in NY. I no longer feel so uncultured!
P.S. It kills me to see people eat rice with them–that's talent, baby!
Wow, you're not kidding. Don Draper is a magnet! I'm going to rename my business Don Draper Loves You Inc.
How do they eat rice that way? All one grain at a time an' shit? Perfect for anorexics, but I don't get the food lovers.
First of all…please use the words “Don Draper” in every post going forward…that is a visual I would like daily!!! Yum! Secondly, you are hysterical and I concur on the sushi rolls being too big…dating nightmare…having to stuff the whole thing in your mouth! sigh…
Maybe I will make this the Don Draper blog, where in every post I'll work him in in some tenuous way. Hey, not a bad challenge! I can't stuff a whole sushi piece in my mouth, but I can shove Don Draper into my blog.
First-Using the name Don Draper will get you noticed everytime (I’m convinced that’s the only reason a bigger blogger noticed my mom-and-no-pop-shop), second, you’re all the more endearing for using chopsticks, especially in NY. I no longer feel so uncultured!
P.S. It kills me to see people eat rice with them–that’s talent, baby!
Wow, you’re not kidding. Don Draper is a magnet! I’m going to rename my business Don Draper Loves You Inc.
How do they eat rice that way? All one grain at a time an’ shit? Perfect for anorexics, but I don’t get the food lovers.
First of all…please use the words “Don Draper” in every post going forward…that is a visual I would like daily!!! Yum! Secondly, you are hysterical and I concur on the sushi rolls being too big…dating nightmare…having to stuff the whole thing in your mouth! sigh…
Maybe I will make this the Don Draper blog, where in every post I’ll work him in in some tenuous way. Hey, not a bad challenge! I can’t stuff a whole sushi piece in my mouth, but I can shove Don Draper into my blog.
Ha! Bringing your own fork and knife? That’s classic! I can use chopsticks, but after 10 years in Baltimore, we don’t bother — at least with Chinese food. The non-NY version feels fake anyway, so why not use utensils? As for sushi, I do use chopsticks, even here, but I’m totally with you on the little bite thing –something so good is over SO fast – hate that. I can’t believe you even went on a date for sushi in the early stages of your relationship — that is gutsy…
Yeah, it would be an old fork and steak knife from my parents’ house, wrapped up in a napkin. We didn’t feel bad about stealing the knives, because they came free with a an order-in service my parents used to use called Dial-a-Steak. That’s how they accumulated their collection of steak knives. I hope my sister brought back the forks, though.
I think in the early stages, I didn’t realize how utterly gauche it was to eat sushi the way I did. Steven domesticated me.