Two months ago, my sister had a baby.
But for all the time she spends feeding him, burping him, changing his diaper, putting him down or picking him up, I’m pretty sure I spend more time each day with my laptop.
True, it lets me sleep through the night, with only an occasional 3am email “ding.” But from the second I get up till I go to bed, that little titanium bastard rules my life.
I check it even before I brush my teeth. Any email? Any @ replies on Twitter? (Oh yeah. Hi, husband. Oh yeah. Coffee. Newspaper.)
I sit at it all day and night, and even take the thing into the bathroom with me to listen to podcasts while I do my makeup. OK, maybe that doesn’t count, because I’m using it as a radio. But still:
There’s an undeniable bond, and it’s created a problem.
I used to procrastinate outright, by doing things that were distinctly non-work to put off doing work. Things that were fun and impulsive — well, maybe more compulsive than impulsive — like watching an entire season of Rescue Me.
Now, because of my attachment with the MacBook, it’s just a barely perceptible shift back and forth between working and not working. A seamless flow from one to the other. I’m either writing what I’m supposed to be writing, or I’m on Twitter or Facebook or Dlisted or Huffingtonpost or Twitter again, and saying, “OK, I’ve got to get back to writing.”
The not working part doesn’t feel like a break. Because I do it in the same position as I do the work: sitting at my desk, hunched over like a hominid.
When my husband comes home, I’m still working. And by “working,” I mean hanging out on Twitter while somewhere under a thousand windows, a cursor blinks away on a word document. The thing is, I really feel like I’m working, because that’s what I’m sitting there to do.
Even if I’ve only accomplished 4 hours of writing and 12 hours of goofing off, it feels like a 16-hour workday by the time I go to bed. My back feels it, too.
What’s the point of procrastinating if it feels like work?
So, I’ve decided to make some changes. It’s only been a few days, but they’ve made me feel way less…gross.
If your disturbingly intimate bond with the computer and online media has made work and goofing off one long, round-the-clock blur, try joining me in these steps to bring meaning back to “not working.” I can use the company.
1. Go back to old-school, offline procrastination.
Watching TV, reading US Magazine, tweezing my eyebrows, going for a walk, buying things I don’t need, talking on the phone. Spending time with real, physical people. The kind you can reach out and poke and spill wine on.
Twitter and Facebook and all that? Sure, as a break after I do my work. But not in between little bitty bits of work. Yay! I wrote a word! Any new followers on Twitter? —No. Bad.
2. When off the computer, close the computer.
Otherwise, if I’m in the house, I won’t stick with my offline procrastination plan. I’ll keep drifting over to the computer. That bitch is like a magnet.
Worse, I’ll just pick it up and bring it over to the couch, where I’ll cradle it on my lap while I watch TV. Then, I can’t even make it through a scene of Ghost Whisperer without rewinding three times, because I’m so distracted by my email. How sad when I’m not disciplined enough to watch TV.
3. Take TweetDeck off my MacBook’s dock.
For you non-addicts, TweetDeck is an application for using Twitter. Quitting out of it but still having its bright yellow icon on the dock is like putting away your coke spoon and saying “no more,” but keeping a mound of coke on your desk. Just guessing. Never did coke. But I’ve read a lot about it. Speaking of which, just started MacKenzie Phillips’ autobiography last night – part of my new analog goofing off plan. It’s not bad.
4. Quit out of Mail while writing.
Everyone knows you’re supposed to do that. I’ve actually started doing it and it works. I don’t know about you, but I cannot ignore a new email. That “ding” is the devil’s mating call.
5. Turn off iPhone while writing.
Come on. What’s the point of quitting out of Mail on the computer if I can still hear emails come in on my phone? I’m on to you, iPhone.
6. Put my husband before the computer.
It wasn’t in our vows, but I’m writing it here as an amendment: Love of my life: I, Laura, won’t ignore you to do work if I’m going to sit and stare at Twitter waiting for an @ reply instead of actually doing work.
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Great advice! Easier said (written) than done. 🙂
I’ll tell you one thing, I didn’t get a degree in Anthropology so I could refrain from petty quibbling on peoples’ blogs:
When you say ‘hominid’, is it possible you mean ‘homunculus?’
And yes, this read as so close to the bone a marrow donation seems like an easy combined shopping trip.
“…sitting at my desk, hunched over like a hominid.”
Oh dear, I think you just described my day.
.-= Wendy Maynard´s last blog ..How to Create the Brand of YOU: Marketing Yourself as an Expert =-.
Laura,
Wow! You’ve just explained my 16 hour day (which could easily be shrunk to 6). I can SO identify with this. And it IS gross. I hate myself.
Okay, I don’t hate myself, but it’s an issue I’ve been wanting to confront for awhile. If anything, thank you for writing this post – it’s empathetic.
Sorry thing for me is that instead of giving up the laptop for my fiance, I’ve actually passed the addiction onto her (she’s recently launched her blog and going after the same dream). So we have one functional disfunctional family life.
That’s okay, the first step is admitting there is a problem.
.-= Eric Walker´s last blog ..What Ann Sieg Says About the Entrepreneurial Movement (Video) =-.
Oh, that’s totally fair. My husband is content with the string and cotton balls (as long as they’re Johnson & Johnson, not generic). But if he weren’t, I’d have to keep up the charade.
Laura, I am totally with you on this, but only up to a point — there is a real upside to having your work and play in one shiny location.
There are some times that it is absolutely essential to pretend that you are working.
I know that everyone feels bad about this, but there are times that you just have to avoid your kid. I even hide from mine in the bathroom.
When I get sick of the bathroom, I pretend that I am working. You really can’t tell your kid that the reason that you don’t want to play with them is that you have to check out which celebrity’s picture has cum drawn on their face today — you are, after all a role model. But you really do have to avoid your kid if you don’t want to go absolutely nuts, because living with a small child can be like living with an imbecile. Not the kind of imbecile you keep in your attic or barn that can be totally satisfied for hours with a cotton ball and a piece of string, but the kind of imbecile that screams uncontrollably, despite having been given a cotton ball and a piece of string, for reasons that are totally inscrutable to the non imbecile. Not to mention, they poop on you.
If you spend your kids bail money on crack, or load all their toys in a cart and sell them for crack, your are a “crack mom.” If you pretend you are working to avoid playing the same game for the trillionth time, you are a good role model.
Laura this is HOT!!!
Let’s bring back the days of procrastinating with Macgyver, at least then you walked away knowing how to make a bomb out of a stick of gum and rubber band, a tool that someday may save our lives. Now that’s procrastination at it’s best. The images by the way are perfection.
Muah,
Alma
Lord knows what these laptops are doing to our laps, by the way. Shudder to think.
You’re that Nigerian prince?
Hahaha, I do that – all of the above. I basically have my laptop in my lap ALL the time. And like you said I know everyone SAYS that you should close email while working. Its one of those things I know, but don’t KNOW. Even more sick, I sleep with my laptop. Its in the bed next to me. Or on the floor beside me. Its the adult version of Linus’s blanky.
And even when I resist checking email on my computer, my crackberry is right next to me dinging away – and how can I resist the ding? It might be the most important email of my life – you know like a distant relative died and some lawyer in another country is alerting me that I have to wire $1,000 to them to ensure that I get my inheritance or something similar. How can I avoid knowing IMMEDIATELY about such ridiculous spam?
One major improvement – is that my email notification on my blackberry is now silent. Note that this wasn’t some proactive choice I made though. My blackberry crashed and had to go to the bb doctor. When he handed it back after reloading the software, that was the sound setting. I just haven’t changed it. But my life is SO much more peaceful. I still check it like every 5 minutes to make sure I didn’t get something of the utmost importance. But its not always dinging. . .
This post so describes me. I take the phone into the bathroom while I’m getting ready to see if I have new messages. I have the laptop with me when I “watch” TV. I stay up until 2am “working,” when really, I’m just waiting to see who will @reply me on Twitter. I just never relax, never let go. And my poor husband goes to bed alone, while I sleep with my beloved laptop. No more–last night, I shut off the computer at 6pm, drank some wine, caught up on the DVR, talked to my husband and read a few chapters of a novel. And I slept really well and honestly, didn’t miss a thing!
Holy Crap! Sounds just like my life…..Let me go check my email and then I’m in!
Hilarious!
Marguerite
.-= Marguerite´s last blog ..Ego’s of the Agents =-.
I’m trying to remember what I was compulsive about before email. Exercising and eating rice cakes, I guess.
You’d think the baby would keep me away from the laptop! No, I’ve mastered the art of nursing with the left hand, browsing Facebook (and your blog) with the right.
In fact, I’m nursing right now. Not kidding.
If I look down and see him looking up at me, I realize I’m being rude so I stop typing. But if his eyes are closed…well, might as well make use of the time and leave a comment…
I know, you’d think we were heart surgeons, the way we keep those things by our sides.
Doesn’t reading a book feel like getting back to nature? Like you’re camping out or something?
Yes, yes, yes! Printing this out, stapling it to my sweater, feeling inspired to live the dream. Thank you for writing exactly what I needed to read today! I miss BOOKS because I feel like I only have time to read before I go to sleep. And yet how is it I have time to know, for instance, that Stains the cupcake dog was 2009 Hot Slut of the Year? Something is wrong with this picture. But now I have hope.
Hahahahaha!
I love you for Stains the cupcake dog. Now, that is actually worth knowing. I think we need a common pop cultural language, and “hot slut” should be part of it.
So it’s not all for naught, the time spent on dlisted.
On man. I totally relate to just about everything in this post. I drag my laptop all over the house to listen to podcasts while I’m doing dishes, folding laundry. And my girlfriend and I have developed the same habit of trying to relax and watch TV, but leaving our laptops open and staying in half-work mode. Bad.
I was just talking to a friend last night about how I now have to force myself to watch TV as a way of relaxing. I schedule it in like it’s a yoga class.
So, yes, I’m with you. It’s time to make some adjustments.
.-= Christine´s last blog ..3 nights at Hugh’s Room, 2 at the Tranzac, 1 at the Gladstone, and 1 out of town =-.
Oh how I hear you. I started keeping this obnoxiously little tally the other day of the number of times I checked all of the offenders (check twitter, check reader, check forum, check, check, check) and it was absolutely horrifying.
I’m with Kelly – I miss reading actual books so much that I’m pinning this to my sweater to remind me.
.-= Briana´s last blog ..I shouldn’t need help. But I’m allowed to want it. =-.
Yeah, I actually had to summon all my self-control to watch an hour of TV the other day. I lay down on the sofa and told myself, “I’m going to do this.” That’s not good.
Here’s ridiculous: i have an imac and a macbook. i travel with the macbook so i have to have all my apps on it BUT i have it set up to NOT find wifi automatically, i have to manually join wifi.
i have my desk set up so i can put the macbook in front of the imac if i am writing. and i put the imac to sleep. yes, i could just turn on the wifi on my macbook but i don’t, this little separation makes it work.
and the place i do the most writing, the writer’s space at paragraph, i don’t have the wifi password for. i am good about ignoring the phone (and i have used it for the dictionary app) but if it’s bad i’ll put it in airplane mode.
i think you are right on about procrastination needing to be offline stuff. i need to do that too. someone – i wish i remember WHO – had the concept of the ‘puttering basket’ so that when you want to goof off, you don’t then have to decide HOW you want to goof off. you go to your basket of fun stuff and pick something.
(i still have ‘create puttering basket’ on my to-do list so that shows you how evolved i am, in case you were worried)
puttering basket is awesome! I feel like such a putz when I can’t remember what I like to do for fun.
great post Laura! You’ve got a way of saying things I’ve heard before in a refreshingly interesting way.
.-= Carlos Velez´s last blog ..The Wu-Tang Plan, Part 2 C.R.E.A.M: Can blogging Really Earn Any Money? =-.
Thanks, Carlos!
That’s what it’s about, right? Because is there anything that no one’s ever said?
great post! fun graphics, too. OMG–dlisted-now that is like crack to me. i love the writing–who are they?
this post reminded me when my son was an infant 8 years ago. i was mesmerized by some CRAPPY vh1 segment about, and i’m so embarrassed to admit…burt reynolds and lonnie anderson. anyway, my son was valiently trying to get my attention cuz’ he was hungry, and i said “shhh! not now!
that was a true “crack mom” moment, and i canceled my cable service the next day.
I love that. My first hurdle is keeping the internet out of the puttering basket. I never, ever thought I’d make “watch more TV” a goal. But here it is.
HOLY Good Jesus Belgray!! I laughed out loud SOOO many times reading this.
Between the cocaine and the Smurfs, I’m in heaven. (and yes, your use of graphics is KILLER)
SO darn excited to hear how this goes. And awesome awesome awesome reminders for us all.
Thank you for writing this!! Can’t wait to RT (but don’t look for them till later 🙂
.-= Marie´s last blog ..How To Turn A Business Meltdown Into A Major Breakthrough =-.
Thanks, Marie!
I looked for Smurfs on cocaine but couldn’t find. Will have to stage it.
You da best for RT-ing.