Last week, I treated myself to some heavy-duty, delightfully effective Tylenol Cold and Flu.
Man, do I love Western medicine! Praise Duane Reade. Blessed be CVS.
My one complaint is the damn packaging that breaks off your fingernails. “Peel from this corner” is the biggest tease of all time. Why don’t they let us go through all our earthly aggravation at once and seal headphones and cold medicine in the same package?
But once you get the f*cking pills out — I do it by puncturing the thick paper backing with the little scissors that my husband uses for nose hairs — they are a miracle.
You really feel the active ingredients pulsing through your lungs and nasal passages, just like the little red arrows in the commercial promise.
The sinuses un-swell, the fever breaks, the coughing stops, and I zonk out almost like I’m on that stuff that killed Michael Jackson.
Now, what I want to know is, where’s the pill for what I have this week?
I ask because what was a 48-hour thing with fever and chills and a severe, unproductive cough has segued into a lingering thing with mild, phlegmy cough and severe unproductivity.
And according to autocorrect, unproductivity isn’t a real word. But it’s a real problem.
I come down with a violent case of it every Spring. And some other seasons, but it hits me hardest and most predictably just as the trees on West 12th Street are starting to bud.
Every time, I take to googling, “Can pollen make you creatively unmotivated?”
Yes, says WebMD, pollen can make you tired but there’s no conclusive evidence that lets me blame the actual season for my seasonal affliction, which I’d call the Don’t-Want-To Flu.
I don’t want to prepare my workshop that’s in 2 weeks.
I don’t want to blog.
I don’t want to write the copywriting tips I could rattle off in my sleep.
I don’t want to “look at our cals” and find a date to have dinner.
I don’t want to read that great book I just saw reviewed in the Times.
I don’t want to create.
I want to consume.
Consume, consume, consume. Maybe the disease I have is consumption?
I’d call it laziness but can one really laze this hard?
In the last week, I finished a full season of each of the following shows: House of Cards, Broad City, Difficult People, and American Crime. Plus, all that’s aired so far of Better Call Saul.
I have a semi-permanent knuckle mark on my right cheek, from resting it on my right arm. Because the odalisque position was invented for binge-watching from an iPad.
It’s not all TV. At least I get up and move around. I go for long walks and consume podcasts.
I’ll pick business/ self-development-type interviews that remind me to create before I consume. To put myself out there. To help people, share my voice, add value, solve problems, be vulnerable, give generously, live out loud, bust through upper limits, risk failure, be a part of the conversation, be remarkable, express my passions, take actions aligned with my purpose, walk my talk.
How about I just walk my walk, so I can cue up iTunes and listen to someone else do all that high-energy stuff instead?
I repeat: WHERE IS THE PILL I NEED NOW?
I’m hoping writing this blog post will break my fever of compulsive do-nothing-ness.
If so, I’ll let you know.
If not, I won’t let you know. Because I won’t feel like it.
Do you get stricken with the Don’t-Want-To Flu?
What’s your pill?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
ps – There should be a 5k Race To Cure Laziness. And no one will show up. They won’t even sign up, because ugh, getting sponsors. Deal later. Is there a new episode of The Good Wife?