I’m boycotting the Food Emporium on my corner.
You can’t see the stains and rips on the paper tablecloth in the photo above, or the clearly spoiled egg salad sandwich that guy in the background snapped up for half off. (Or more!!!!!) But still, it pretty much captures the level of professionalism there.
The manager is a slovenly lummox with big, yellow, scummy teeth who used to be cashier. Every day, he wore a stained, beige T-shirt with logos of Harra’s, Caesars, Trump Taj Mahal and other Atlantic City casinos. He claimed to have a timeshare there.
“With the money we make at the tables, the condo will pretty much pay for itself.”
His line was always the slowest, because he was so busy bragging on his real estate and commenting on peoples’ groceries. “Hey, you must like carrots. Didn’t you buy carrots one time before?”
But his line was the only line.
Five registers, and they’d have just one open, manned by the village idiot.
These days, that guy dresses to impress, in a stained, white button-down, with a MANAGER tag. He’s moved up in the world, and now stands by the door reading the paper. Not the actual newspaper, but the coupon inserts inside it. He reads coupons.
But enough about him.
Here’s the real reason I’m boycotting:
It’s because of the humiliating spill I took when I slipped in a puddle at the only open register. Boom. Right on my ass. True, someone had thoughtfully put a yellow “caution” sign by the spill. But no one had thought to wipe up the spill, or open a different register.
I always look for someone else to blame when I slip, and for once, I had just cause.
Plus, nobody — I mean NOBODY — thought to ask if I was OK, or apologize for the slippery booby trap. Cashier lady flipped through her Life & Style magazine, and Scum Teeth thumbed through his coupons. Didn’t even look up.
I decided never to go in there again.
One might see this as a lesson in the importance of customer service, attention to detail, and running things well:
If you don’t do a good job, customers go away.
You’d think.
I’m sorry, did I say I was boycotting?
What I meant was, I’m trying to boycott. It’s more like a fauxcott. A semicott. Because I’m the world’s worst boycotter.
Always have been.
Day one: “I’m never going into Golden Sound Electronics again! They’re reprehensible!” Day three: “Shoot, I need new headphones for the gym. Think Golden Sound’s still open?”
Day one: “Boo California grapes! They’re bad to their migrant workers.” Day three: “Mmmm, grapes.”
With Food Emporium, there’s no excuse. Not two blocks down, there’s Jefferson Market (really a Gristedes), where they keep things nice, have several registers open, and put out samples. Samples!
But Jefferson Market is discreet on the outside. Doesn’t scream “supermarket.” I walk right past and never remember we’re out of milk till I get to my corner and see that big, ugly Food Emporium sign.
I’m way more lazy than I am principled.
So instead of going the extra block and a half, I choose pathetic but convenient Food Emporium.
Now that I think about it, when I was a kid, my parents called the Red Apple Supermarket on our corner “Rotten Apple.” Everything we bought there was curdled, soured, or infested. Once, I opened a packet of Swiss Miss instant cocoa, and it had maggots. But again, the store was on our corner. And that’s where we went.
I think the sad lesson here is this:
You’d better do things right if you have competition. But as long as you have a corner location, good signage, weak-willed customers, and zero pride, you’re all set. Go ahead and let your business go to shit.
damn…knock JEFFERSON MARKET off my list then! SHIT! I am going to be driving to Wegmans in NJ if this continues…Yes, JM is more expensive..I always compare prices (my Nana always made me)…but I draw the line at clipping coupons!
Guess what…Trader Joes opening on Sixth Avenue and 14th Street in the old Barnes and Nobles location!!!!!
Wow..I thought I was the only one grocery store boycotting! I boycott Food Imporium and Gristedes…they both leave me feeling dirty…I might as well hit the latest porn shop for that feeling! I am now down to Fresh Direct…but I hate all the boxes..Gourmet Garage (which is the NYC apartment..way too much stuff cramped into too small of a space!) and Jefferson Market (hello $$$)…I get the shakes at Whoel Foods and Trader Joes..my claustrophobia and lack of patience (lines) can’t take it…unless I go at 10am on a Tuesday…sigh…
Uh oh, you’ve got a problem: you can’t boycott Gristedes and still use Jefferson Market. (Unless it’s a Belgray-style non-boycott boycott.) Because JM is Gristedes.
I had a feeling they were more expensive there. Just a gut feeling, because I don’t really compare prices.
I wish I had the motivation to trek to Trader Joe’s. I couldn’t believe how cheap it was when I went w. my sister in LA.
If there is a 12-step program, it’d better be near my house.
OMG this is awful and disgusting!! I’m not a big fan of living in Ohio but at least I don’t have to worry about insects in my food (now I’m going to have to go check everything…)! Ummm, gross…
There has to be a support group for people who make bad choices based on convenience. I wonder if there’s a 12 step program to help you go to the good market as opposed to the sleazy gross one? : )
.-= Sara Carbaugh´s last blog ..Awareness or Confusion? (My head hurts…) =-.
How can you boycott a store that, according to the jingle, was made just for you?
Hold on — my mistake. I just remembered that the jingle says that the store was made just for ME, not you.
So, how can you boycott a store that was made just for me? Because, after all, someone’s got my kind of quality.
You can’t. It was truly made just for me – a lazy person who can’t be bothered to go somewhere good.
I feel this way about Duane Reade. It is poorly organized (deodorant upstairs, toothpaste downstairs — why can’t all basic grooming items be near each other?), is always out of necessities (like when Levi was a baby it was often out of diapers!!) and the check out people hate you — I mean really really loathe you — because it is so badly managed. And yet there is a Rite Aid one block away which is better organized, better managed and the check out people are friendly but I never ever go there unless Duane Reade does not have an item that is absolutely essential or I am going to a store next door to it anyway. I really am the laziest person I know.
Out of diapers. I mean…Who owns these stores? I guess someone who knows just how lazy we are.
I’ve always hated Food Emporium when I lived in NYC. The problem was, much like your boycotts, mine never lasted very long; especially when it’s 8 degrees outside and FE was the closest grocery source to my apartment. I would have to shop there. The deli guy was a big fat slob with giant dirty fingers. When he was finished with his conversations with the lobster tank guy about his “high school football glory days”, this asshole would then speak in my direction while looking at the floor and ask, “yeah?”. On top of this, he made me feel like I was putting him out if I decided to order anything more than just a single deli item by lots of sighs and phrases like, “is that it?”. One day I did overhear him talking to the lobster tank guy about how poorly the Food Emporium owners treat everyone who works there; I actually began to empathize with lobster tank boy and deli meat prick. You have to treat people well in order for them to perform well.
Ha. I think you heard Poop Fingers wrong. He was talking about his glory HOLE days.
But yup, for sure, it comes from the top down. Or, in the case of my Food Emporium, brain damage.
What’s reprehensible is that when you took the fall, they didn’t come running to your side apologizing and offering you compensation in the form of free stale egg sandwiches. It was their fault, and even if it had been your fault, most sentient beings understand that it’s basic human kindness to at least feign compassion towards someone who just took an on-the-ass tumble. Not to mention the fact that the customer is always right, and you certainly were in this case. Their lack of humanity is unacceptable, especially in a competitive retail environment.
And under the “More English language Mysteries” file, and the “Why-doesn’t the damn mediocre spell check catch these things” file, may I discreetly suggest that you check out the difference between “discrete” and “discreet”.
Perhaps the samples at Jefferson Market will inspire you to maintain your boycott, at least for a week or two until those undeniable stale sandwich cravings kick in. Solidarity Forever!