Why I got fired, the sauerkruat smell, and how to be un-fire-able

If it’s 8am, I’m still sleeping. Go away.

9am? Still sleeping.

Maybe even at 10.

I’m not proud that I sleep so late, but I’m proud that I can.

I’ve built a profitable business that lets me be the Queen of Snooze that I am.

(So can you. More on that down the page.)

Fun fact: The last 9-5 job I had, I got fired from. Because of the “9” part.

It was 1994. A high-profile weekly magazine.

My boss, whom we’ll call Evelyn to protect the identity of someone whose office stank of sauerkraut, used to call me at my extension at 9am on the dot, and leave a voicemail to make it official that I wasn’t there yet.

In a congested voice that permanently sounded like she was holding back a sneeze, she’d say: “Hi Laura. It’s Evelyd. I guess you’re dot here yet. Dot good. You’re jeopardizihg your Friday subber hours.” Beep. End of. New messages.

Lateness wasn’t Evelyn’s only issue with me.

She also thought my ideas needed to be “more elegant, more up here” – which she would illustrate by waving her flat, downward facing palm over her head. (Ironically, the universal sign for “over my head.”)

She might have sensed my disdain — aka wrinkled nose — for her habit of keeping leftover party platters on top of her mini-fridge “to munch on.” Hence, the sauerkraut smell. Also, old wine.

The main sticking point was probably that I was an entitled, young shit who didn’t want to be there — and showed it by slacking, rolling my eyes at meetings, and wearing very un-office-y attire.

I liked shrunken, belly-button-baring baby tees (favorite brand was called “Tee’s Tees”) that I had no business wearing anywhere. Never did have flat abs.

After I’d been there 6 months, Evelyn called me into her hot-dog-scented office and asked me to shut the door. That was it.

I skipped out of her office with my pink slip. OK, I didn’t literally skip, but it was literally a pink piece of paper saying I was terminated. (Do they still use those?)

And, I might have sashayed. I was glad to be outta there.

I wanted to go to a dj’d party in Soho that night, share a 2am side of spinach and fries with my friends Victoria and Stephanie at our go-to bistro, Lucky Strike, and then sleep till noon the next day.

Plus, I still lived with my parents, and they didn’t charge me rent. They even paid for my heavy Diet Sunkist habit.

I wasn’t so light-footed the next time I got fired.

It wasn’t long ago: just back in 2010.

My sweet, 6-figure contract with a TV network where I’d worked most of my adult life — since almost right after Evelyn axed me — was up, finito.

My boss/client there basically told me, “Thanks, we’ll take it from here.”

I had other TV clients and a few private clients, but those had been little side gigs.

This contract had been my main paycheck. The one that like, paid for food and mortgage.

To add insult to income loss, the big kiss-off happened just before my company ID expired, and for the first time in 15 years, it wouldn’t be renewed. Now, Id have to line up at the security desk and have them call someone at reception to get into the building.

But I didn’t have long to worry or sulk. I was busy again sooner than I expected.

I put up a services page, stepped up my blogging, and people started signing up for my copywriting packages. Without ever having met me in person. They liked what I wrote, and wanted to work with me.
That’s all because I’d recently learned how to market a business online — through a program called B-School.

I never saw myself as a “businesswoman,” but here I am with a business.

…Though you wouldn’t know it if you dropped in on me.

I might have mentioned, I sleep late.

I do most of my meetings via Skype, on the sofa.

I wear unacceptable work outfits. The one in this picture is me “dressed up.” (You can click on it to check out my bonus for B-School, the program that taught me how to have a business in my living room.)

The best part? I can’t be fired. In fact, I keep getting yearly raises. From myself.

I’ve replaced the income from that lost contract — several times over.

None of this would’ve happened without my friend Marie Forleo and her course, B-School. The things she teaches in B-School have completely transformed my career.

That’s why I’m recommending it to you.

–>If you have a business you want to get off the ground, or one that’s already up and running but not as well as you’d like…

–>If you’ve been told you need a website, or a better website, and an email list, and you’re overwhelmed with where to start…

–>If you’re not cut out for office life, but have a talent you want to share, help people with, and make money from…

–>If you want to be fire-proof, as in, no one can ever subject you to sauerkraut smell and then hand you a pink slip…

… B-School could be for you. It’s an 8-week program, all online. Do it when you want, at your own pace.

I go back through it every year and use it to make little tweaks in my business that make a huge difference. I’ve found that a few simple changes to my website or other marketing will bring in better, higher-paying clients all year.

THE TALKING SHRIMP B-SCHOOL BONUS

B-School enrollment starts this coming Tuesday, February 20th. If you decide it’s for you and you sign up through my link, I’ll have an incredible bonus for you. (Hint: It’ll include one-on-one copywriting help from me.)

Click here to get the deets on the Talking Shrimp B-School Bonus.

And, whether you sign up through me or not, you’ll get my attention in the B-School Member Area. I’m an official B-School mentor, coming on board to help you when Marie starts the Marketing module.

THE FAT PRINT

I’m an affiliate of B-School. That means I get a commission if you sign up through me. I’d still recommend it even if that weren’t the case. I don’t put this in tiny print, because a) that would be sleazy and b) then I couldn’t read it, because I need glasses and refuse to wear them and c) I want you to know that I’m hugely proud to promote B-School, and never would if I didn’t believe in it.

It’s not a gimmicky thing. It’s entertaining, insightful training that anyone can use to be more successful.

Again, here’s the link to check out my B-School bonus and more on why I recommend B-School.

Whew! This was long. I might need to go back to sleep.

Please keep voices low. I need 9 hours. Thanks!

Now you.

Ever been fired?

Or, got an idea for a business where you can’t be fired?

TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.

ps – Want to know more about B-School?

Click here to get on my list — I’ll keep you in the loop as soon as there are new success stories to check out. (There are new ones every year!)