How to keep it real when you "blow up"

When I was on the final panel at Unfair Advantage Live a woman asked a question I didn’t think she had to worry about.

She asked, “How do you stay grounded when you get really successful?”

We asked what she meant.

“Well, when things start to happen for you in your business, what do you do about people in your life who aren’t supportive and have a problem with you changing?”

(I’m paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.)

I grabbed the mic. I had three things to say. Probably more, but three is a good number when you have a mic in your hand.

Here’s what I told her:

1 – Cross that gold-plated, blinged-out bridge when you come to it!

I’m all for acting “as if.” For instance, if you were the indisputable greatest at what you do, what actions would you take today? How would you use your time? That question probably shifts how long you spend picking the perfect Saved By The Bell gif to comment on a Facebook post made by someone who doesn’t know you from Adam (or Screech.)

Acting ‘as if’ is one thing. Worrying ‘as if’ is another.

I told her, don’t hold yourself back because you’re worried about what happens once you’re successful. That’s like people who vote for the president who promises lower taxes {*cough*} because they don’t want to give up a chunk of the billions they’re sure they’re going to have…when they win the Powerball lottery.

Sure, you’ll be successful. But worry about the repercussions when you get there.

2 – Stay connected and present with people when you’re with them.

Everyone looks at their phones way too much, but if you keep looking and saying, “I’ve gotta answer this Instagram comment, it’s from a fan,” that’s when people are gonna be like, Sigh. You’ve changed. I struggle with this one, because oh man do I seek way too much validation from strangers on the internet, but I don’t want to be That Person. So, as much as possible, phone stays in bag. Sometimes I’m naughty. I’m trying.

3 – Surround yourself with a community of People Who Get It.

This is NOT to say, “Dump all those civilians/ Muggles/ non-entrepreneurs from your life, pour gasoline on them, and light them on fire, girl! People who don’t get what you’re doing are TOXIC! You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with, don’t give another second to the one who’s still in a cubicle! She is keeping you from your greatness and holding you back from your Divine Feminine!”

No. First of all, I’ll never tell you anything about your Divine Feminine, I don’t know what that is. (It always reminds me of a clothing store in Sag Harbor called Australian Femininity.) Your friend who’s still in a 9-5 might not get what you’re up to, or understand how powerful it feels to have your own business – if that’s what you’re succeeding at – or want to close the restaurant down, talking into the morning hours about putting yourself out there and getting out of your comfort zones. But that doesn’t mean he/she can’t still be a great friend.

My husband doesn’t get half the things I talk about. I’m fine with it. I have other people in my life for that stuff.

(Funnel? That’s for baking. “Upper Limit Problem”? I just asked what he thinks that is and he said “Something to do with your mustache?” Which didn’t even make sense, but he was busy putting on his shoes for work. In the real world — restaurants, something normal people with normal, non-online-biz, non-woowoo vocabularies can understand. Spaghetti, steak, check average, fuckin’ Department of Health.)

You don’t have to jettison people who don’t get it. You talk about other things.

You do, however, need a place to go with all that excitement. A circle of people who are going through, or have gone through, the kind of business “journey” you’re on. (Because everything now has to be a journey. Weight Loss Journey, Lyme Journey, Dating Douchebags Journey.)

It’s lonely not to have a shared vocabulary and shared understanding. People who can geek out about an opt-in, an ideal customer, a Blue Ocean strategy, a Unique Selling Proposition. People who won’t say, “But you’re going to alienate a lot of people if you position yourself that way, it’s not very professional” but who, instead, will say, “That sounds so YOU — you need to do it!”

Aren’t you glad you gave me a mic?

Do you ever worry about what’ll happen if you’re hugely successful? If you “blow up”? Tell me about it in the comments below.