I love fat.
If no one’s looking, I will eat a pat of butter. Maybe I’ll stick a breadcrumb on it so I can call it “bread and butter” and not just “butter”. It does something to your self respect when you snack on straight butter.
But for some reason, liver-flavored butter is a different story. That’s what foie gras is: liver butter. And yet it’s perfectly acceptable and dignified to eat it with a fork.
Luckily, I don’t like foie gras.
It’s the one fatty food that doesn’t tempt me. And I have no interest in getting to like it.
Why would I try to acquire a taste for something that leads to no good?
That’s probably something I should have asked myself before watching Lost.
I’d seen the first few episodes years ago, and decided it wasn’t for me. The plane crash part I liked; that was some real, scary shit. But then came the smoke monster, disembodied whispers in the jungle, and “others.” Supernatural crap. Not my bag.
And, as time went on, I heard Lost fans talking about time travel, dreams, and gun fights. A trifecta of my least favorite things to watch.
So when my husband found Lost on the On Demand channel and started watching four episodes in a shot, I was like, “knock yourself out.” I only lay down on the couch and started following along because I thought it would be nice to watch TV together. He hates my Real Housewives, I can’t get with Law and Order or Murder She Wrote (I’m serious, he loves Jessica). We have so few shows in common.
After an episode or two, I could have stopped.
Steven was the one who suggested, “Let’s just see what the next episode looks like.”
He was the one who wanted to get home from any outing so he could watch a bunch of Losts. I wasn’t even thinking about it.
Then, somewhere around the 10th episode, the whole series disappeared from Time Warner On Demand. Gone. Vanished. Just like the island at the end of Season 4. How do I know that happens? Because:
I’ve now finished 4 seasons. In 3 weeks.
I’ve done the sad math, and it totals about 81 solid hours. So this is why they call it “Lost.”
I started watching them on my MacBook. First, I invited Steven to watch with me. I was really doing it for him. I didn’t care. I had a life to live.
But he didn’t dig the small screen and tinny sound from the computer speakers. So I plugged in my headphones and continued watching by myself.
And then, I couldn’t stop.
I don’t even like this stupid show!
Still, I keep needing to find out what happens. And I keep thinking, in my Lost-addled brain, that I will be satisfied by “just one more episode.” After which, I’m convinced, I’ll feel like writing my blog. Doing my work. Getting that pedicure. Taking that shower. I’ll be back to my normal self after just one more.
Well, if you look at the date of my last post, or at my toenails, you’ll know that didn’t happen.
With Lost, there’s no such thing as “just one more.” Every dumb episode ends with a dumb, irresistible mystery. And so does every dumb season.
It’s meant to be addictive and life-destroying.
The whole time, I’ve been asking myself, “Why am I checked out of my life and glued to this show? Am I a self-sabotaging person? Am I afraid of success? That’s it, I can’t tolerate success. I must think I’m unworthy of greatness. That’s why I’m doing this to myself.”
Except that’s not true. I love success. I love accomplishment. I love being creative and productive. I have an addiction, that’s all there is to it.
Lost is crack.
I haven’t tried crack, but I bet that if the world’s most motivated and successful person – let’s say, Sir Richard Branson – were to smoke crack, he’d want more crack. He’d say, “Nah, let’s not do any business today. Not till I smoke up this crack. When I’m done with this bag of crack, I’ll be ready to get back to my multi-billion dollar Virgin empire, but for now, beam me up, Scotty!”
After a while, Lost, like crack, is no fun.
You just do it because you can’t stop. Compulsively and joylessly.
What’s that? You think crack is always fun? Have a look at this video of Chris Rock smoking rock in the movie New Jack City. He’s not having fun. He’s crying.
That’s me, watching Lost.
Mercifully, something shifted for me at the end of Season 4. I said, “Really, people? You’re talking about going back? After all that? After I spend 81 hours rooting for you to get off the island and win huge settlements from Oceanic Airlines? I’ve had it with all y’all. Go get fucked.”
So, putting down the Lost pipe.
Getting back to my life.
What about you? Did you watch this show? Have you ever been addicted to crack or goose liver pate or something you didn’t even enjoy anymore? Tell me in the comments.
And if you ever see me digging into a plate of foie gras, punch me.
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Hysterical! I’m still super depressed that LOST is not longer on. I’ve since replaced it with True Blood though, so I think I’ll be ok. 🙂 Hope you enjoy the rest of the episodes!
Holy crap I did the same exact thing! I came down with the flu two winters ago and after continuously hearing people obsess over Lost, I decided to stream it on my laptop thru Netflix. I covered 2 seasons in a week.
Then I got so obsessed (but annoyed at the same time) that I decided I wanted to catch up so I could watch the final season on TV with everyone else. Sick.
I remember saying to myself “no no, you mustn’t!” as I clicked on each episode to start. I “Lost” hours, no, weeks of my life.
Oh, and anytime I was in NYC during that time, I thought the receipt machines on cabs sounded like the smoke monster coming.
So the last 2 seasons of LOST were BY FAR the best seasons in my book. I liked them both much more than the other 4. And by “liked”, I mean was addicted to.
Good for you- you quit.
My wife quit at season 4. And then would ask me to re-tell the storyline of each episode so she wouldn’t get behind…
After a while I said, if you want to know what is going on, you have to watch it yourself.
Dude – I did this with Weeds, Battlestar Galactica, The Leauge and every season of Grey’s Anatomy. Once I stayed up until 3am on a random Tuesday watching a season of Grey’s. Sad. My house was being renovated and my only form of escape from the hell of dust covered everything was box sets.
I’ve never been one of these people who can have things in nice measured doses. I want to consume all of it. Now. That’s why I don’t allow peanut butter in the house. Jar + Spoon = me happy (and fat)
Same here. No moderation. Precisely why I never tried drugs. I would not make it as a “recreational” user.
What is it about peanut butter? I guess it’s the portionlessness (my word) of an open jar.
I have a friend who never keeps it in the house because it’s his downfall, so he goes over to his in-laws’ house down the street whenever he needs a spoonful.
Vanna, MAY I have the letter “O” please? 😛
can I have two addictions?
1. The Wire! this I consider a beneficial addiction, it truly made my life better – I was meant to bond with Omar, a shotgun toting Robinhood who robs drug dealers – he’s my hero!
2. Social Media – it is the black hole of my life, sucks me into its vortex every day. I justify it by saying its good for me to be “social”, it’s good for my business. It’s research. BlahBlahBlah. All I know is four hours go by and my dog is staring at me with eyes that are turning yellow cuz she’s gotta pee so bad.
Jill, you may have two addictions, but I don’t know how you can. At least, not those two. They are both all-consuming. When I watch The Wire – and I’ve watched it all the way through five times now – it’s worse than Lost. I might even forget to eat. I definitely forget about social media.
And then when I’m in the social media hole, it’s equally all-consuming. By the way, you are probably experiencing First Year Syndrome: still discovering all the major players, clicking on every tempting link on Twitter, which leads to someone’s blog post, which leads to backlinks, which leads to old blog posts, with links to someone else’s blog post, and then you have to explore their site, and maybe consider buying their info product. Anyway, that was my experience.
BTW, I think it is socially irresponsible not to watch The Wire. And Omar rules.
I feel weird admitting this but I got addicted to “Next Top Model”! I started watching it with my teenager years ago, and then she got bored with it and I still Tivo’d – Like the transformations, skip the drama. I had a professional photo shoot for my website last week and hopefully some of that show helped me pose! ha No I did not smeyes..(only other watchers will get that one.). ps missed your blog…glad you are back.
Now, you know this is a safe place to admit that! For the first 4 or 5 seasons, I never missed an episode. It took me that long to get entirely sick of hearing Tyra say:
“Two beautiful girls stand before me. Yet I have only one photo in my hand…”
I am hopeless at smeyesing. My face just looks droopy and smug when I try.
OMG. That is me with True Blood. I mean.. I know it’s pretty good but how many characters do I actually like? I like Eric (who doesn’t?). I don’t mind Sookie, Jason and Jessica. But Tara.. OMG will somebody kill that annoying bitch already. And Bill. He’s unbearable. Tragic. And it is so gory. And I can’t sleep after I watch it. And there is crazy vampire raping goin’ on. And yet still… I watch. Damn it.
On the other hand.. now that you’re addicted to your little laptop TV watching and all… have you ever tried ‘Gavin and Stacey’? It is a BBC comedy that is just so freaking adorable you can’t help but fall in love with it. It is the best show I’ve ever watched. You gotta get it!!
Love
Nadia
Byron Bay, Australia
Agreed. Tara needs to go. I kind of like Bee-yul, but he’s no Eric.
Nothing grosser than when a vampire gets stabbed and they turn into a pile of goo.
I’ve never heard of Gavin and Stacey, but I’ll save it for some time when I’m prepared to go back underground. Have to have at least a short bout of productivity and contact with other humans.
What… you stopped watching?
Aren’t you just a little curious about what happens at the end?
Come on, just one more episode won’t hurt. Millions of people have watched it, and they all know what you don’t know. You don’t want to be left out do you? Especially about a monumental TV phenomenon such as LOST. This is your industry, you just HAVE to know!
Ok, sorry to encourage your relapse, but it was too tempting. I’m not even a die hard. I was in to it for a while then missed quite a few episodes, then jumped in at the end, but just like a soap opera, I could pick it right up again without missing much (except crazy stuff that happened, so maybe that’s not so true.)
Anyway, yes, it’s stupid, yes, you shouldn’t waste your life watching TV, but with such a crazy story line, you have to see how the deranged writers ended it all. Maybe there’s a summary online somewhere where you can just read what happens really quick.
Well, your blog is crack too, so it’s a good thing you took a break so I could get weaned. Maybe I want you to get back on it so I don’t get addicted again. Or maybe there’s a happy medium where you can watch just a little bit of LOST at a time and still blog, so I can have my fix?
I guess there was a whole movement and community around LOST that I didn’t know about until I listened to this podcast: http://blogcastfm.com/blogger-interviews/cliff-ravenscraft-podcast-answer-man/
The show changed Cliff’s life and launched his Podcast business.
Oh well. Glad you’re back.
Stay as clean as you want to be. (But you won’t believe what happens at the end 😉
OMG, you enabling fiend! You are the devil. But you know what? I think I can handle it now. I know everyone says that, but I mean it because I’m barely interested. So I can watch at a leisurely, disinterested pace.
I’m glad my blog is your crack. If I start hearing that from other people, I may create a potent, smokable form and sell it.
I hated Twilight and it took all my energy not to watch the entire trilogy (if that’s how many there are) to convince myself that I didn’t like it.
I am avoiding Twilight. The shame cycle will be even worse if I’m addicted to a bad movie trilogy for teens. Happy to say I couldn’t really get into Gossip Girl. And I wanted to.
Oh hey, Nancy, speaking of teens, did you ever watch Veronica Mars? That show’s worthy of a binge.
Ahhhh… Veronica Mars. It was my second true TV binge, and my first streaming Netflix bindge. I did that ‘no work, no shower, eat-every-meal-in-front-of-the-TV’ thing right thru the end.
Season one was like a bag of Doritos that got stuck under the cheese machine (wish I could find a bag like that…), then through season 2 and 3 I just kept digging in that bag for the Dorito with the most cheese… And never quite finding it…
We got into True Blood. I hated it by midway through season 2 but couldn’t stop watching. Steered far clear of season 3, because I knew I couldn’t just have a little, no matter how bad it turned out to be.
And yay! This is fueling my Talking Shrimp addiction nicely. 🙂
It’s so uncomfortable, being addicted to something you think sucks! You want it to just be over already.
I hated that devil lady, but I kept watching, too. I think season 3 is even worse. It involves dreams and fairies. I couldn’t even maintain my addiction with that one.
My god, this is exactly how I feel about social media. Well, first it was Xanga. Then myspace. Then I couldn’t get enough of facebook. Now, I’m on the tumblr 24/7. I let go of one drug and pick up a new one. When does it end? When does the pointless madness end??
You are a part of it, you know? Sending me juicy blog spots to my email? Distracting me from my work. Ahhh!
Social media might be an even stronger addiction, because the reward isn’t just entertainment and fantasy; it’s attention! What could be more habit-forming than checking to see if people are paying attention to you? I can feel the neurons in my brain lighting up at the mere sight of that little red circle above the email icon.
Laura – I’ve missed your posts!!! I applaud both your loss of self-control and the way you have reclaimed it! Actually, I just asked my mother to get me the box set of “Friday Night Lights” which I’ve never seen…and I’m a little scared I may vanish for awhile…in which case – don’t write any more posts until I get back ; )
Thanks, Nancy! I think I’m officially out of shows to binge-watch. Yes, prepare to crawl into a self-loathing, people-avoiding hole with that show. You will not be able to stop.
Oh, to watch FNL again for the first time. I both pity and envy you.
uh-oh…that’s what I thought…
I will admit it.
I’m ADDICTED to “Breaking Bad”.
I just watched ALL of season 2 on DVD in 3 short days.
I didn’t shower.
I didn’t do any writing.
Ate ALL my meals in front of the TV.
Ignored my phone and the outside world…
But dammit…
IT WAS WORTH IT!!
But now it left me hanging!!!
Did Jesse shoot that guy or NOT???
I think I watched BB at the same pace as you. Maybe faster. May have been seasons 1 and 2 in 4 days. And I agree, that show is so good that it’s worth wallowing in your own filth for days on end.
ps – two words: July. 17th.
Don’t worry, the end is lame. You’re not missing anything.
I caught onto the Lost crack pipe right around Season 4, I think. I kept watching it, waiting to see why everyone thought it was so great. I was SURE if I watched just one more episode, I’d think it was great, too.
It never happened. The end was disappointing at the very least. I still don’t get it.
I’ve moved on…Grey’s Anatomy and Weeds are my current drugs.
You started at season 4? That’s a weird place to jump in. For me, it was the season where I stopped giving a shit. So I can imagine having a hard time seeing the point.
I binge-watched Weeds, too. It’s such a relief when you get to the seasons that don’t start with “Little Boxes”. That can really get on your nerves when you’re watching on a bender.
Watching ‘The Kennedys’ on Netflix. Even though it was dropped by the History Channel, Showtime, among others…that didn’t stop me from watching all eight episodes of this poorly written, cheesy 8 part miniseries!
‘Wow…look how much Katie Holmes looks like Jackie O.!’
😉
Consider the “mini” part a blessing. At least you’re withdrawn from the world for a short time.
But I can see the shame of being addicted to a Katie Holmes vehicle.
You’re a mad genius, Laura! And that’s why I love you. This post is hilarious. And interestingly enough, you may have piqued my curiousity a bit on the whole Lost thing.
We are several months into the “no TV, i.e. cable” thing and so we’re enjoying our reclaimed right to be highly selective in what we watch (via videos).
So far, the kids have the Avatar cartoon series as their crack of choice and my husband and I, “The West Wing”. My husband tried to sneak episodes of Simon and Simon into the mix (I know scary, right?) but I’m thinking “no”. So, getting lost in Lost could just be the order of the day! I’ll keep you posted.
For now, I’ll confess that my addictions begin and end (for the most part) with Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream. 🙂
Thanks, Monica. “Mad genius” is a compliment I’ll take any day.
As for The West Wing, my saving grace is that Aaron Sorkin’s brand of witty banter bugs me so much, I can’t get addicted. Which is lucky, because there are many seasons. That would be a long binge.
whahahahahah….I’m shamelessly will admit I’m not a big fan of TV. Occasionally I’ll watch a series because my girls are watching it. BUT…we have netflix and I started watching Make It or Break it with my daughter. There are 40 episodes! She went to her grandparent’s for a couple of weeks and left me hanging, soooo…I wrote down that we were on episode 29 (so I could put it back there before she came home and act like I didn’t know what was going to happen) and clicked play because I had to know what was going to happen next, then again, then again, then again. I’ve watched about 5 more episodes here & there the last 2 days. When my husband walks in the room and sees it on, he asks “WHAT are you doing?” and I say “I just had to see what happened. I know the story line! It’s Cameron’s fault!!!”
So, my addiction days aren’t over just yet. Please give me to the power to put down the remote. I promise I’ll do my work first and reward myself with my addiction when it’s done (and when no one is looking!)
Glad to have you back Laura!
I love that you did that. That’s like Ferris Bueller setting back the odometer on Cameron’s dad’s Ferrari.
Two damn words: TRUE. BLOOD.
Virtually the same experience, except it was my friend Emily who coaxed me into watching. I resisted it. SO much, and then fell into it. (Same reasoning, too… Vampires were “not my thing”) UNTIL NOW!
I went on a rant the other day about how getting into TV shows only leads to pain and suffering. I’m right there with ya on the “one more episode” thing. I’m also on the “I’m now having sex dreams about vampires” train. It’s a thrilling ride. Painful, but thrilling.
I’m hooked. The show just kills me every week with its cliffhangers. I actually wail in pain when it ends.
WHYYYYY?!!?!?!??!
Also, coffee was hurting my belly so I stopped drinking it and started drinking green juice and yerba mate (guess who’s idea that was!?!)
I’m exponentially happier after that change (it’s nearly been a month!) so I guess True Blood can come on board as a new bad habit… that doesn’t affect my bowels.
Gross.
The same thing happened to me! I said “I don’t like vampires,” and everyone said “it’s not really about that” and then I started watching and went into a True-Blood hole.
My new favorite show is going to be “Vargas’ Bowels.” What will she juice today???
I’ve become addicted to coconut butter – like scooping a tablespoon right out of the jar and eating it in the kitchen. It has this mild natural nutty sweetness that is really satisfying…oh, and the fat. I love that fat. Luckily it’s a “healthy” fat that calms my stomach and sugar cravings big time.
Coconut butter?! Isn’t that what people smear on “ashy” skin? I didn’t know you could eat it. I am not going to start.