“You teach people how to treat you.”

You’ve heard that one, right?

What if you could teach Mondays how to treat you, too?

If you don’t like Monday, show it who’s boss. Tear it a new one.

I don’t mean “Go get ’em tiger, be an unstoppable beast.” That’s great if you can do it on command.

I can’t. I wake up most Mondays fuzzy instead of rested. Maybe because the hubs and I go out for dinner and eat a bunch of salt. (Spaghetti with ramp pesto last night. Worth it!)

I used to dread Mondays.

I couldn’t happily come off a weekend right into a day of helping clients at appointed times or writing to deadlines.

I’d wake up anxious and think all day about how relentless life is:

Every weekend ends and then it’s another damn work week. Summer goes by and then it’s winter again and you have to think about which family you’re spending Thanksgiving with and get your puffy coat from the basement. And you’ll have to work your whole life and feel like this every week because you’re bad at saving for retirement. Why do we even exist?

That’s what a few “have to” items in my iCal could do to me.

Monday wasn’t treating me right, so I took it to the woodshed.

I worked it over. Sent it a message. Made it beg for mercy and piss itself and promise it’ll be different now. Put its associate’s head on a giant tortoise. (That’s a Breaking Bad reference.) Tied it up and brought out the Gimp. (Pulp Fiction.)

Monday is now my docile lapdog, bringing me my slippers. And a grilled cheese sandwich.

How?

Pretty simple.

I have it blocked off on my calendar.

No one can book it through my booking app.

If someone asks to meet in any official way, even on Skype, I’ll probably say, “Monday I can’t. How’s Thursday?”

The whole day is for catching up on emails and loose ends, and doing creative shit like blog posts and Instagram posts or whatever else feels like fun. All the “long game” money-making stuff I never have time to do during the time-for-money blocks.

Any time I violate this rule and schedule something business-y, or accept an assignment that’s due that day, I regret it and take note: Next time, No. Monday, I can’t.

I’ll tell you what my typical Monday looks like:

9-ish: Morning routine. Brush teeth, look at Instagram but no email, look at weather, make bed, go out for watermelon chunks.

10-11: Continue to resist looking at email, write in 750words.com, maybe look at paper, maybe write some new quote posts for Instagram.

11-WHENEVS: Move the whole laptop operation over to the sofa, work on all the fun things. Write something. Get absorbed in creating. Get a crap-ton done.

AT INTERVALS: Eat something lunch-like, eat berries (not from the garden or woods, from a Driscoll’s plastic container, sorry. I buy them for my husband, he washes them and puts them in a too-accessible bowl). Take a walk around the hood, see if that clothing store I like on Greenwich Ave got anything new in. *Maybe* meet someone for coffee if it’s someone I really like or I don’t have a ton I want to get done.

I’d like to say I take dance breaks like all other entrepreneurs say they do, but no. I don’t. I’ve got dance class for that.

I’d like to say there’s a shower in there, but usually also a no.

8 pm: Put laptop away, get dressed for 8:30 dance. You’d think it would be hard to get it up for a workout this late, but it’s my favorite Cebo class of the week and I’m always excited for it.

10:20: Blow-dry my sweat-soaked hair so I won’t be cold, and eat with my husband. I usually corral him into cooking a late dinner. He can wait that long because he has some freak genetic mutation where he doesn’t feel actual hunger. No growling stomach or pain. He only knows he’s hungry if he sees food or a picture of food and thinks, “I want that.”

Watch some TV.

1am: Shower and bed. I’m too wired from dance to go to sleep any earlier.

And that’s my Monday. I get excited for it on Sunday. No lie.

Some people call theirs Marketing Mondays or Make It Happen Mondays or whatever starts with M.

I might call it Moolah Monday, even though I’m not usually billing for anything. The creative output is what makes my business. The social posts, the emails, all that — it’s what leads people to me. Hi, people!

Me Me Me Mondays works, too.

But really, I just think, “Yay, Monday!” Which I never thought I’d say.

And Monday knows not to say boo to me.

UPDATE: 
After I wrote this, I was loving Mondays so much, I made Fridays just like a Monday. Blocked it off. And then, I liked those two days so much, I did the same for Tuesdays and Thursdays. Meaning, Wednesdays are my only one-on-one days.

It’s a 1-day workweek! Or more like, a 4-Monday workweek.

Which is much better than it sounds to most people.

The other update is that Cebo no longer teaches on Mondays, which is tragic. I have yet to find some other class I can look forward to all day. There’s no substitute for Cebo. 

Now you.

Got a trick to make Monday better?

I know some of us work actual jobs and don’t get to decide when meetings are. But if that’s you, are there some things you could say no to, or ways you could change your Monday schedule to be less loathsome?

TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.