I knew this day would come.
The day when I feel like I have nothing to say.
Sometimes I get inspired on my morning walk – like, check out the chick at the farmers market wearing diaper jeans. That’s a blog post!
Sometimes I get inspired the night before when I’m watching TV with Steven. He watches shows for old people, like Murder She Wrote, and shows for lowest-common-denominator women who wear jewel-tone tops with black slacks and collect figurines — like a Lifetime Original Movie featuring Neve Campbell as a cop who goes undercover and lives among the Amish to solve an Amish mystery.
(I wasn’t really watching. The mystery was probably, “Who bludgeoned Righteous Brother Billiam with Sister Sarah’s butter churn?”)
The other night, he was watching a stunningly terrible Debra Messing show called The Mysteries of Laura. I thought it might make for a good blog post, but the reviews have been so brilliantly scathing that I have nothing to add. Except a few jokes at my own expense, because my name is Laura and sometimes my blog doesn’t leave much mystery.
So, this morning, I didn’t come up with anything on my walk.
My underwear was falling down and dragging my pants, which fit great right after they’re washed but then loosen up, with it, but that didn’t feel like a whole post. Especially on the heels of the diaper jeans.
I do have a stash of pre-written blog posts, but they’re for emergencies.
I save them like I save my favorite outfits. Which I should really wear more often, instead of just jeans and J Crew t-shirt with a necklace.
I also have questions that I asked you fabulous commenters for, in case this happened. But I don’t want to use them yet, either. I’m a little bit of a hoarder, and I guess it bleeds into my blogging life, too. I even save my worst ideas for later. The way my friend’s mother saves used dental floss in a bag in case she runs out.
Speaking of saving things, my parents save everything.
(I’m realizing this is a blog post idea which I should save for later, but I’ll use a little bit of it here.) When I was visiting them this summer, there was an empty Raisinettes box on the kitchen counter, next to the elaborate computer station where my Dad trolls for Jews on the Internet, emails our unauthorized regards to distant relatives and ccs the universe, or yells at AOL, which he will never ever leave, for “f*cking everything up.”
I guessed correctly that the Raisinettes were from going to the movies, because who eats Raisinettes anywhere but the movies, and then asked why my dad was saving the empty box.
He shrugged. “I don’t know, I thought you might like it for your blog.”
My dad, bless him, is always trying to help. “I met one of our neighbors’ friend’s second cousin, who may well be related to us via the Needleman/Finkel side of the family, and found out that he does the bookkeeping for a writer of infomercials. Would you like me to put you in touch with him?”
And now that I’m blogging, he offers ideas…like an empty Raisinette box.
OK, I laughed at it, but it made its way into my blog post when I thought I had nothing to write.
God, how did this post about nothing get so long? Sorry.
Moral of the story:
There’s always something to say, even if it doesn’t shape itself into any kind of topic. What am I going to call this ridiculous stream of consciousness post?
Do your parents offer you work suggestions?
If you’re a blogger, does everyone suggest unsolicited ideas for blog posts?
Do you ever feel like you’ve totally run out of ideas?
Do you hoard?
Do you have a question you’d like me to answer when I dig into my emergency stash? Some upcoming topics based on questions: “How do you feel about tweaking?” [CORRECTION: THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TWERKING – NOW I HAVE 2 POTENTIAL TOPICS] “Which famous person would you like to have ‘all up in your grill’?”
TELL ME OR ASK ME IN THE COMMENTS.