1) Shook my finger — like a pendulum, back and forth — at a car trying to turn through a just-red light. I actually “tsked” as I stopped the car by walking in front of it, and gave it a “where do you think you’re going, sonny” look. (The driver was an old Chinese lady.)
2) Asked the counter person at the place where I get breakfast to please subtract the weight of the tin when she put my organic scrambled eggs on the scale.
It’s official: I’m my dad.
To be fair, he would ask the people at Zabar’s to subtract the paper for wrapping the smoked herring. That’s way more old-person, both because paper weighs nothing, and because smoked herring.
This was an oversized tin, because they’d run out of the small ones. It looked weighty.
3) Went back to grab more samples of the sliced pumpkin bread at the entrance, and stuck them in the bag with the scrambled eggs for later. Same category: took a handful of Splenda packets at the coffee place, to have in the house just in case. We never have any.
Now you.
What old-person things have you done lately?
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
Rose Ermadis in 7KE is heading up the building’s monthly book discussion group. This month: Freud’s “On Dreams”. I know this because I read my building’s House Council newsletter cover to cover every month. And if you think said newsletter is delivered electronically, you are wrong. It’s the real thing, baby. And we have a woman here who will do your errands for you, on her electric wheelchair. Shall I continue? I joke, but the olds are way better than the entitled uptight youngs. We just lost our NORC status. Where’s this Old Salt building? I’m tempted.
Daisy, that is the best thing ever. An no, I would not think for a hot second that your co-ops newsletter is delivered electronically. I don’t even think their email is delivered electronically.
First of all, I’m not happy about the image of you getting up before 9:30AM (compounded by getting things done).
I made a Columbo joke and a Star Wars joke today: “Just one more question….” and Why didn’t they give R2D2 a translator chip to speak English?
I have to take off my glasses to read things up close — I love that one, because it makes me feel old.
I start packing for trips days and sometimes a week before I fly.
I’m not happy about it, either! I feel guilty if I sleep late now, and crappy if I don’t. I think it’s time for Ambien and its attendant sleep-eating syndrome.
Don’t you have to dig through the stuff you packed and wear it? Or do you have a whole separate wardrobe for travel – which is my dream. It would always be packed.
I do the “shake my head at the loud teenagers” thing whenever they get on the same subway car. Drives me BATTY!!! Especially because I know I was NEVER that loud when I was a teen. I had manners. Whippersnappers!!!
They’re a bunch of no-good hoodlums, is what they are. They need to be bent over a knee and taught a lesson. Not my knee, though, because I’m scared of them. I really am. I’m afraid they’ll call me “old lady” because they’re so young, that’s what they think I am.
A cable guy in his van outside my home last evening kept his van in the reverse gear causing the van to make the ear piercing “backup” sound continuously until I finally got up and went outside and yelled, “for God’s sake, turn off your van!” He did and I went inside and said out loud, “oh no, I turned into my mother!” Then I screamed an ear piercing yelp!!!!
Good for you/ you as your mother.
That sound should be illegal! In fact, I am going to turn into *my* mother and help leaflet outside the polling places for the congressperson who promises to eradicated it for good. She’s always been politically involved.
Damn. This post just reminded me that I forgot to have my coffee this morning. With Splenda and orginal dry CoffeeMate. Because I don’t care what the hell is in Splenda or Coffeemate, my coffee doesn’t taste the same with stevia or with more natural milk alternatives.
I’ve worked for a holistic, functional medicine doctor for years. If I quit eating/drinking everything that comes through the office flashing warning signs about health concerns, I’d be a miserable person. Who cares how healthy I’d be, I’d be a bitch to be around.
There is such a thing about being too informed. Work in a holistic office and you’ll see. I know WAY too much and wish I didn’t. So some things, you have to say, Fuck it!”, I’ve gotta die somehow! Look up “orthorexia”, it’s such a pleasure dealing with those people on a daily basis. They’re truly a joy to be around.
On acting like a geriatric: I actually used the phrase “lickedy split” yesterday. I’m not sure if I was kidding or not. Which is a bit disconcerting now that I think about it. If only I would have coupled it with a dagnabbit…
I would HATE to know the things you know! I won’t even click Bruce’s link above.
Lickedy (lickety) split – wait, why am I thinking about the spelling of a non-word like lickedy? – is an awful thing to have said, and I’m sorry that happened to you.
Are you getting a notification now?
No notifications. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
(I’m on my phone and didn’t feel like typing actual words to describe frustration.)
OK, since I’m old enough to be your former babysitter or — it could be possible, if I’d had a baby in HS instead of college — your mom, pretty much every day causes me to do at least 1-2 old person things.
I got a flu shot this week. I voted among my grey-haired peers (I do not have gray hair. That you can see.). I raked up the leaves along the curb so they wouldn’t decay and go down the storm sewer, causing environmental goop to build in the lake nearby where we get our drinking water.
I pressed the ‘mute’ button when The Today Show puts on the screaming whoopers out in the plaza. My morning does not need that, In fact, often it doesn’t need The Today Show.
I made my bed. With hospital corners, like my grandma taught me.
I look like Frankenstein walking when I get up from bed in the morning. (Pinched nerve in my leg.)
Old enough for you? (yet young enough to read your blog and laugh along with the young’uns).
Wait, is that what all my former babysitters are doing? I guess so! Except maybe the ones who were just barely old enough to sit for me. Like, the 12-year-olds when I was 9. Bet they’re still dying their hair.
Most of my babysitters were very cool. I like grouping you with them. I feel very cool that you hang out here.
Bruce is right. I snag Stevia packets for the reason you took Splenda. Always thought of that as “frugal,” not old-person, but since I learned frugality from my parents who went through the Great Depression as kids, I guess it comes full circle. And that raises a whole list of stuff… I use plastic grocery bags for dog poop, instead of buying special ones. REFUSE to buy new jeans because they don’t make normal styles anymore. Or follow fashion at all, because current styles don’t fit MY style.
Some of that is actually personal branding, not old-people. So let’s all give ourselves a break and notice how awesome old people can be. One of my newest heroes is a 75-year old woman who swims (Masters) competitively. Dives off the blocks! Wow.
Plastic grocery bags always seem so flimsy! I get scared for the person using them, whenever I walk by on the street. I feel like the membrane between hand and poop is way too thin, and possibly compromised by holes. Scary!
I agree about giving old people a break. We need a branding campaign to make them cool. And then maybe medicare will be better!
I am a 40 year old living in what is essentially a retirement home for sailors. So as soon as I think of one thing I DIDN’T do that is old-person behavior, I’ll be clearer on the difference.
I’m glad I already know you, because reading “retirement home for sailors” would make me desperately need to meet you. Now we just have to get together.
I feel like an old lady every morning because of these damn glasses. I’ve always had perfect vision so I’m especially bitter that I can’t read labels or see my phone without these damn readers. Of course I can never find a damn one of the many pair I think I’ve placed purposefully around the house.
I’m still too stubborn for glasses. So, worse than wearing them, or losing them around the house, I squint at any menu that’s electronic/ backlit up on the wall and ask the nice young person working the counter to read it to me.
http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/02/10/new-study-of-splenda-reveals-shocking-information-about-potential-harmful-effects.aspx
That’s from 2009. I didn’t even click it because I know it was planted by the Sugar lobby. Splenda works so well in an iced coffee.
2 of those 3 are old people things. The first is a Dikembe Mutombo thing, so that’s okay.
Ha. You’re right. I feel better.