Just read on Gawker about a woman who climbed into a zoo’s giraffe pen and got kicked in the face by a giraffe named Wally – plus fined 686 bucks.
Why would anyone do that? Her answer: “I love giraffes.”
I kind of get it. Not the giraffe love, I’m totally indifferent to giraffes. They’re fine, I can just take or leave them.
But the weird urge thing, that part I get.
Today, I was in line at a cafe on University that sells hot breakfast from steam trays. I had the strongest urge to ball up a napkin and toss it over the sneeze guard into the organic scrambled eggs with chorizo. And I also wanted to throw one into the French toast.
When asked why I did it, I would say, “I love breakfast.”
I didn’t do it, though.
I also sometimes, in bed at night, have an urge to bark like a dog. Or yell. I’m not kidding. I don’t do that, because Steven would wake up and commit me to a place where everyone barks and yells.
This urge makes me wonder if I have Tourrette’s. But I don’t, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to control the urge. Right?
Or maybe the urges themselves are a symptom.
Shit, now I need to look that up – can you “come down” with Tourette’s?
Next thing you know, I’ll be eating French toast and barking in a giraffe pen. Great.
Do you get weird urges (that you, of course, don’t fulfill?)
TELL ME IN THE COMMENTS.
I sometimes want to pick people’s split ends. And it is the worst when I am giving a Rolfing session, working on someone’s neck and I am dying to really just stop so I can pick their split ends.
My previous comment isn’t really a good example, as it was hardly an irrational urge as you have described. (Even staring into an empty hole can be rationalized). A much better example would be my occasional urge to scream at the top of my lungs in the middle of a quiet scene during a Broadway play. I usually get this urge when the play is boring and when I realize that, unlike jumping into a giraffe cage, it would be quite easy to accomplish and also that there would be hardly any risk of getting kicked in the head by a giraffe.
Yes! And I’ll bet the more expensive the theater ticket, the louder you want to scream.
Do it at a matinee.
I can relate to temptations like crashing the giraffe cage, and some of the other suggestions here. Resisting such urges is also known as exercising restraint, being polite, or acting maturely.
If I notice your wig is on sideways, although I might be tempted, I won’t come up and rearrange it like an askew picture frame on the wall. And I have no intention of breaking out in song and dance when inspired to do so at a public ceremony. You won’t catch me going through the grocery store with my arm out in a horizontal direction knocking over the neatly arranged ketchup bottles, and no, I don’t jump in a freshly raked gigantic pile of leaves. I figure if I’m able to exercise restraint, I’m fine, no matter how bizarre or uncomely the urge.
There are logical reasons for certain rules, regulations, and customs that prevent negative consequences. However, I do believe some rules are meant to be broken, and if imagination leads to unconventional actions that will bring creative and positive outcomes, I’m all for it.
Oh man, now I’m really going to want to stick my arm out in the grocery store aisles. That’s a good one.
I was walking behind someone on the street today who had a long hair (from her head) sticking out of her sleeveless dress’ arm hole. I wanted so badly to pull it for her, but that would’ve been creepy.
Regarding ketchup display destruction temptation, [tilts head back in recognition], IKR? (Oh, wait, that’s your next blog post–I’m getting ahead of myself here…).
Hair sticking out of an arm hole just ain’t right. Your resistance to correcting that situation is certainly admirable!
I constantly have to restrain my urge to write insulting comments under the Facebook posts of various “friends” because I don’t want to run the risk of them un-friending me and, therefore, losing out on reading their narcissistic, self-serving, banal, clueless and idiotic updates which supply with so much time wasting joy.
Also, I occasionally have the strong urge to stare into an empty hole on West 13th Street.
I meant to write “supply me with”
You know we share that urge. I have a website idea that would allow us some satisfaction.
For now, I’ve decided to type my comments without hitting the “submit” button, screen shot, and send to you.
The older you get, the more you will get these urges…and the more you will act out on them. That’s what is known as “getting your curmudgeon on.” 🙂
And Licia, when I’m walking down a city street I DEFINITELY get the urge to give a hard elbow to anyone who is looking down at their cellphone and not paying attention to where they’re going. It’s getting harder and harder to resist this urge.
I would totally want to elbow pedestrians too! I’m now going to adopt this as an urge.
Thank you, Sam!
Well, since we’re the same college year, I expect we’re the same level of curmudgeon. When do we start barking and giving elbows?
I have weird urges all the time!
Like when I see a pedestrian on the street jay walking I sometimes have the urge to speed up my car at them and squeal to a stop right before running them over to scare them!
SO weird.
SO crazy.
What would I say after? “I think you should use the cross walk, tourist!”
Of course, I would never impart harm on another but I imagine it in my mind sometimes.
These are called “intrusive thoughts” and they are definitely a thing!
You’re actually quite polite in your imaginary outburst!
But knowing you, that’s probably the meanest you get.
I’m glad I’m not the only one with “intrusive thoughts.”